Hate to love you
by Shino87
Summary: We were two sides of the same coin. Different, yet so complementary I don't remember how I fell in love with him, or when I hadn't been in love with him. He was everything…until that one tragic accident…until he started to resent me for a reason I ignore. Now, I'm back to Forks for summer break and I have to face Him again. AH/AU and alternate POV
1. Chapter 1

When I left Forks, Washington state, over a year ago, to attend the University of Chicago, I promised myself to never look back and I kept my promise for the past 12 months. My family wasn't too happy about my skipping family events, making up lame excuses at the last moment, but they ended up accepting it and my parents even purchased a beautiful house in Hyde Park where the whole family would gather for Christmas, thanksgiving and other similar occasions.

In their eyes, it was a small sacrifice for the only grandchild of the family.

To say I hate Forks would be an understatement.

Now I'm back and there's no escaping it. I keep reminding myself that it's just for summer break. Just 2 months and I'm gone…for good this time

I repeat this mantra in my head, while I'm headed to the exit of the airport

"Miss Cullen" a familiar voice stirs me from my reverie and I spin around to see Harold, my parents' driver scurrying towards me before grabbing my suitcase.

I flash him a bright smile, truly happy to see him after all this time. I've known him since I was a little girl. He was hired specifically to drive me around, as everyone in my family enjoys driving fancy cars too much to give it up, thus not needing a driver. By the time I started driving; Harold had already become part of the family, so it was only natural for him to keep working for the Cullens.

I jump in the back seat of the black Mercedes and engage in a small chit chat with Harold, catching up with the latest town gossip and trying desperately to overcome my anxiety. The closer we get, the more uncomfortable it makes me feel. My stomach is lurching and fear is crawling all over my skin.

The smell of the pine trees that line up the way home ignites in me a long forgotten period of my life

I text my mom on the way home

 _Hi Mom, I'm in Forks. See you and Dad in a week_

 _Love. X_

My phone buzzes less than a minute later

 _I told Harold to stock the fridge with all you favorite snacks. Eat healthy_

 _And don't party too hard. Can't wait to see you. Love u. Mom and Dad_

I roll my eyes at my mother's text

As soon as we reach the Cullen property, the wrought iron gates open and Harold drives us inside. The residence is immense, with a main house that belongs to my grandparents Carlisle and Esme Cullen. It's a huge glass mansion in the middle of the woods, surrounded by three other smaller houses. One for my uncle Emmett and his wife Rosalie, another one for my aunt Alice and her boyfriend Jasper and finally in the far end of the alley, my parents' house; Eduard and Isabella's.

Harold stops the car and carries my suitcase to the house, leaving it on the wooden floor. I follow him inside and my heart halts in my chest. This house brings back so many memories and for a moment, I'm grateful for the alone time I'll spend here as my family won't be back before next week from their holidays on Isle Esme, an island on the Rio de Janeiro Coast, that my grandfather Carlisle offered my grandma.

The perks of being loaded, I guess.

Someone hugs me from behind, making me jump in surprise "Guess who", a female voice singsongs in my ear, and I can't help but answer with a happy scowl

"Candace" I say, turning around and holding her in a bear hug. I've known Candace Cheney since I was in diapers. Her mother Angela is one of my mom's closest friends, so us being best friends was kind of destiny.

She is the cutest thing ever with her long dark hair, soft green eyes and petite figure. Whoever meets her, can't help but adore her.

"She didn't give me another choice but to let her in, Miss Cullen" Harold looks at me apologetically

Candace rolls her eyes at him and it makes me laugh

"It's fine, Harold. I know how persistent she can be" she casts me a chastising look that makes me laugh even harder

Harold leaves and Candace wastes no time in telling me about school, boys and parties, as if we hadn't spoken to each other every single day, for the past months. Even though our schools were miles apart, we still managed to get in touch, even if it meant texting once a day.

"So, you're back?" she asks warily, while we sit on the couch

"Only for the summer" I admit more to myself, not meeting her eyes. Candace is sharp and she reads me like an open book.

"Charlie…" she starts, but I cut her off

"Not now, Candy. I promised Charlie and Sue to drop by for dinner" I stand up, reaching for my purse. She looks at me for few more seconds, then stands up as well and tucks her hands in her jeans back pockets "Well, I guess, I'll see you later"

"I'll call you" after giving her a quick hug, I pick my father's Volvo keys and hurry to the car

When I get to my grandpa's house, he's already outside, waiting for me. I texted him to let him know I was on my way to his place.

As soon as he spots me, he runs to me and scoops me from the ground

"Charlie, baby girl"

I hug him tightly "It's good to see you, too. Charlie" I say grinning

I was named after my grandparents. I mean all of them. My full name is Renesmee Charlie Cullen, but most people around me call me Charlie…Except for Him…my mind always drifts off to him, no matter how hard I try not to.

Sue, my grandpa's wife joins us in the yard and gives me a long hug, before ushering the two of us inside. The smell of her delicious apple-pie makes my stomach growl.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart" Sue asks me while heading to the kitchen

I haven't eaten the whole day. Too anxious "Hum, yeah"

"Good, I made your favorite chicken salad and apple-pie" she answers happily

After dinner, I help Sue clean the dinner table and set the dishes in the dish washer. Charlie walks me to the car and I can't help but grimace at the sight of his old truck parked outside.

"Seriously, Grandpa, you should buy a new one"

He feigns hurt "Told you to call me, Charlie. I'm not old enough to be called Grandpa" then adds "Besides, I had Jacob look at it the other day, he said it's going to be fine for another year or so"

The hair on the back of my neck stands at the mention of his name. So, he's here. Of course he is, why wouldn't he.

My heart hammers against my chest and I feel dizzy all of a sudden

"Are you ok, baby girl?" my grandpa asks, eyes filled with concern "You look pale"

I swallow hard "Hum, yeah, I'm fine…Just…just a little tired, you know"

I kiss him good night and run literally to my car, needing to escape.

The next day, I wake up early for my morning run, Histeria by Muse blasting through my ipod earbuds. I don't stop until my lungs burn and my thoughts blur. I hop under the shower, then text Candace to tell her I'm picking her up from her tutoring session in Forks high.

Mr Huntley, the headteacher of the school, asked Angela Weber Cheney if Candace would agree to tutor some kids during summer and she said yes without even asking for her daughter's opinion. Candy wasn't too happy about it, but there was no going back.

My phone buzzes and I check the screen indicating a new text from Candace

 _I'm in the school library. Come in. X_

I hesitate a moment before hopping out the car and heading to the school. I pass by the lockers and smile when I spot my former locker, reliving some of my past. I can hear laughter and see Candace and me running to our biology class. I quickly discard the bittersweet memory as I continue down the hall, until I reach the library. My heart starts racing in my chest when I push the door and enter the dark wooden room. I see Candace talking to some kids in the far end of the room and I let my fingers graze the book shelves and inhale the smell of old books, until I reach the table by the window.

Suddenly, I'm 17 again

"Hi Ms Ramons" I greet the woman at the library desk "I'm the Math tutor"

She lifts her glasses up her nose and smiles sweetly at me "Hello dear, the students are not here yet, but you can go sit over there" she says indicating a table near the window "This is where the tutors wait"

I sit down at the empty table and start working on my homework, waiting for my students to arrive. Suddenly, I hear the library door open. I lift my eyes only to have my breath caught.

Jacob Black

He carries his toned body so gracefully. With his 6ft2 he towers over everyone at school. His tanned skin contrasts with his amber eyes, his hair short on the sides and longer on top. It used to be shoulder length when we were younger. His native American features make his beauty outstanding.

He is … beautiful

He spots me and my heart skips a bit. Is he going to ignore me? tease me? like he did the past 2 years. When I stare at him now, I see a total stranger. My sweet, protective Jacob is no longer there.

This Jacob is mean, cruel and…sexy as hell

Oh My God. He's coming my way. I try to look away, but I hear the chair next to me cringe. He sits by my side. I feel his presence and his smell is intoxicating; soap, pine trees and Jake. I fight the urge to stick my noise to his neck

Creepy

I feel his eyes on me and I decide to break the silence "Are you here for the tutoring session?" I ask while looking at my hands on my lap.

He chuckles "Yep"

Breathe Charlie, breathe "It starts in 5 minutes"

"I know when it starts, Nessie" he answers with his deep voice, still looking at me and my heart jumps when he uses my nickname

He's always called me Nessie. When we were younger, he used to say my name was too long and he felt weird calling me my grandpa's name, so he decided to call me Nessie instead. I miss the Jacob I used to know when I was little.

"So, what do you want to start with? Algebra?" I wonder, fidgeting with my skirt

He inches closer and answers in a calm tone "Has it crossed your mind that I might be a tutor as well, Nessy"

I bring my gaze to his, instantly regretting it, as I feel butterflies in my stomach "Are you?"

His eyebrows furrow "Maybe" then he adds smirking "Is it difficult for you to believe that I can actually be smart, Nessie" I start to protest but he carries on "Guys like me are never good enough, right"

I tuck at my skirt nervously "No, it's not…" the rest of my answer dies in my mouth as he slips his hand under my skirt and draws circles on my left thigh with his thumb. I know I should ask him to stop but I'm unable to express any coherent word right now.

I know how smart he is. His grades are always up, without him studying half as hard as the rest of us.

"You think I'll stay here after I graduate from Highschool, work with my father in his garage, while you go to Med school, meet a rich bastard, who works in a law firm. Live in a big house. Have sex once a week, probably on Friday. You would use scented candles and make love on a bed, in the missionary position. This is the type of life you want, Nessie" he makes it difficult for me to breathe with his hand on my thigh sending shivers down my spine.

Tears sting in the corners of my eyes. I want to yell at him. I want a life that includes you Jacob Black and I hate myself for feeling this way

I hear someone calling my name, but it feels very far, the voice gets closer and closer, until I realize it's Candace shaking me, concern written all over her face. I blink and remember that I'm no longer in highschool.

"Charlie, are you alright? I'm sorry, I should know better…" she breaths apologetically

I squeeze her hand "I'm fine, Candace. I promise"

She sighs, not believing me but hooks her arm under my elbow and ignores what has just happened "I'm hungry for doughnuts; let's go to Beca's Doughnut house. My treat" she grins

"There's no such thing as being hungry for doughnuts" I scold " 'I want doughnuts' would be more appropriate to say"

She looks at me like I've grown two extra heads "Of course there is. I'm hungry, but my hunger is directed at doughnuts. Sometimes I'm thirsty with soda and …." She goes on about the reason why her sentence makes perfect sense and I feel finally home for the first time since I got here.

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A/N:Hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Please, leave a comment and share your thoughts. I'd be happy to read your reviews :) Xx. Shino87


	2. Chapter 2

We order two glazed chocolate doughnuts and orange juice. We sit at our usual table which happens to be free. Beca's Doughnut House is all painted in baby blue, with white tables and black and blue booths. The waiters wear a uniform that follows the theme of the place.

"Heeeere you go, darlings" the waitress sets our orders on the table

Candace starts playing with her fork and I know she wants to tell me something, but hasn't figured yet how to put it into words.

I sigh "Spit it"

She stiffens and lifts her eyebrows in surprise "Huh…What?"

"Come-on, Candy. I know you want to ask me something, go ahead, I'm all ears" I say grinning

She drops her shoulders in defeat "Well, hum… Kelcey Newton is throwing a party tonight. Everybody's going to be there. I mean most of us are here for summer break, soooo…"

I finish for her "So you want to go"

"Only if you come with me" she adds quickly

"Ok" I answer simply

Candace's eyes widen and her mouth hangs open

"For God's sake, Candy, close your mouth, it's disturbing" I roll my eyes

She swallows "I'm really happy you're coming, but, you do realize HE is probably going to be there"

I fight the pang in my heart and act detached "So what? I'm not avoiding him. It's been a year. He's in the past now" ok, maybe that was a lie

She calls me on my lie immediately "Bullshit"

I glare at her from across the table "You want me there or not?" Candace doesn't even bother with an answer

We agree to get ready together at my place for the party. After I drop Candace at her parents' house, I buy a bucket of wild roses and drive to the cemetery. I haven't been here since I left for college. I used to come every day, after school.

I read the gravestone when I reach it

Sara Jackeline Black

Beloved wife and mother

(1970-2013)

Jacob's Mother

It was their twenty third anniversary. Billy and Sara were coming back from a romantic dinner when a drunk driver on the other side of the road drifted to the left and crashed their car. Sara died instantly and Billy lost the ability to use his legs. He was never able to overcome the loss of his wife. Jake's heart died that day.

He abruptly pulled away from me. At first he would simply ignore me, but the more I tried to get him back the more he fought me. Until I became the person he hated most and his devil may care attitude towards me switched into a cruel demeanor.

He was my best friend. I had Candace of course, but my relationship with Jake was deeper. We were two sides of the same coin. Different, yet so complementary. I don't remember how I fell in love with him, or when I hadn't been in love with him.

Wherever Nessie was, Jake was and vice versa…until that tragic accident

I couldn't fathom a life without him. Girls had diaries and I had Jake. So I turned slowly towards his late mother. Visiting her grave everyday and confide in her like I would normally do with Jake.

I sit on the ground and put delicately the flowers on her grave "Hi Mrs Black, it's been a year already" I start with a shy smile, as if she could actually see me "So much has happened yet so little. Med school is nice, It's not easy and college life is not what I imagined" I laugh "I wonder how the other kids manage to party and have a life out of school" I sigh "I heard Jake is doing well at Northwestern" He got a full scholarship "although I'm surprised he followed the plan. I mean, we're not friends anymore. We picked our schools because we wanted to stay together, but that was before…" I dare not finish my sentence; a tear escapes my eye "I miss him you know. Every single day without him is torture. But I'm in the process of healing"

I stand up abruptly, wiping my tear "See you tomorrow, Mrs Black"


	3. Chapter 3

Candace and I sing along Demon by Imagine Dragons playing in my Ipod, while we apply our makeup. She arrived about an hour ago; carrying a big box of pizza and a duffel bag.

I apply a shimmery gold eyeshadow that matches my hazel eyes, my dad's eyes. Their color changes according to the weather and Candace says they're my biggest asset. I laugh very hard when she tries to perform some weird choreography moves and falls flat on her butt.

I help her stand up "Stop being a moron and get ready, we're going to be late"

She rubs her butt and walks towards my vanity grinning "We're not going to be late, we'll be fashionably behind time"

My black mascara makes my eyes look even bigger than they already are and I finish my makeup with a touch of nude lip stick on my pouty lips. I inspect my reflection in the mirror. My long auburn hair cascades in waves on my back. My eyes have a golden color tonight. My barely there freckles look kind of cute under my naturally rosy cheeks. I wear a green dress that hugs my waist and stops before my knees, matched with a pair of high heeled black sandals, making my long slender legs seem infinite.

"How do I look?" I ask Candace who's trying to zip her dark blue strapless dress. She stops for a minute to breath, then inspects me from head to toes. She rotates around me, like I'm a piece of furniture she's not sure what to do with, finally she flashes me a satisfied smile

"Charlie, on a beauty scale of 1 to 10, anyone with the Cullen gene is an 11" before I can comment on what she just said, she holds up her finger to stop me "and tonight…you are a damn 12. Jeez, if I were into girls, I'd hit on you" she laughs

"Well, if I were into girls, I'd definitely let you hit on me" I add winking

She goes back to her dress zipper and asks in fake anger "Now, remind again why we can't go in jeans and rock bands T-shirts?"

I lift my hands in the air imitating her "Because –and I'm quoting you here- we need to show those morons, what they're missing"

I want to show Jake what he's missing, although I would never admit that to anyone. Not even Candace.

"Oh…right" she sighs "and why did I pick this dress?"

I help her zip it while I answer "Because it makes your boobs standout" I fight the laugh that's bubbling in my throat

She looks utterly beautiful in her short lacy black dress. Her hair in a low ponytail and golden earrings dangle from her ears. She's not wearing much makeup but the black eyeliner she picked makes her green eyes mesmerizing.

I jump in Candace's Sedan passenger seat. She's not planning on drinking tonight, or any other night actually. Whenever I ask her why she hates alcohol, she simply brushes it off.

I plug my Ipod into her stereo and Poisoned with Love by Neon Hitch engulfs the car, while we chat and laugh

Candace jerks the car to a stop at a gas station and hops out of the car to fill the tank

My heart hammers against my chest. A mix of anticipation and fear. What is he like now? Is he going to acknowledge me? Is he going to act like nothing has ever happened?

You Ruin Me by The Veronicas blasts through the stereo making me cuss under my breath. Not that song, please. I thought I had deleted it from my playlist.

And just like that, I travel back in time

It's prom night. All the seniors are at Kelcey Newton's after party. I'm wearing a long royal blue strapless dress that hugs my body in all the right places. I brushed my long hair into a sophisticated side braid. My date, Patrick Landon, hasn't stopped telling me how "hot" I am the whole night.

Patrick is a popular quarterback in the school football team. He's nice and cute. With his tousled blond hair and soft blue eyes, Patrick was definitely on the top ten list of Forks High hotties, as Candace likes to put it, however, he wasn't not half as attractive as Jake. I hate to compare the two of them but I can't help it. I blame it on Jake's good looks and attitude. Every single girl at school, has or had a crush on Jacob Black. He's the epitome of Alpha Male/ Bad boy/ I ride a Harley Davidson motorbike to school/ I know girls love me but I don't give a damn.

From what I've heard, he's also very skilled and very active sexually. Not that I care, I remind myself, while I cast a death glare to the skinny girl murmuring something in Jake's ear and stroking his left arm. Her short velvet dress barely covers her thighs. She presses her body against his left side. I greet my teeth, resisting the urge to pull her from her nasty hair. He smiles at her as he sips some more beer from his bottle. He probably hasn't even noticed I was there.

"So? What do you say?" Patrick looks at me expectantly. Shit, I have no idea what he's just asked

I blush "Huh? What?"

"Gena asked you to play something for us on the piano" he answers with a tight smile. I trail my eyes from him to realize that Gena is standing right in front of me waiting for my answer. I look at the grand piano in the living room. It looks like it's never been used. It's probably there for decoration purpose.

"Come-on, Charlie" she prompts "You are by far, the best musician at school…hell, in any school around here"

Patrick squeezes my hand and murmurs in my ear "Do it, babe" I can sense his breath on my ear. The smell of cologne mixed with beer is too strong, it makes my eyes water "Babe?" he repeats.

My stomach churns when he calls me that. We've been hanging out for 2 months, now. I like him and that's it. My heart doesn't halt when I see him, my chest doesn't flutter when I hear his voice, my limbs don't shake when he kisses me.

Candace must have noticed my uncomfortable stance, because she hurries to my side "Something wrong, Charlie?"

"No, we just want her to play something on the piano" Gena motions to the Grand Piano. Candace brings back her gaze to my face "You want to?" she asks, concerned

Do I want to? I guess I do. Piano has always been our thing my father and I. He taught me to pour all my feelings in my playing. It's like having a conversation with the instrument, he told me.

I stand up and walk to the piano, sit down and open the cover. I touch hesitantly the keys as to get to know the instrument, somewhat. I smile to myself when I hear the first note.

"Hi" I murmur so low that nobody hears me. They'd think I'm nuts to greet what they consider a wooden piece of furniture.

I start playing Prélude by Bach, but my schoolmates start shouting

"Come-on Cullen, pick a piece from some alive artist" Evan York shouts while other kids chime in

I hold my hands up in surrender "Ok, ok" I laugh. I dare a look in Jake's direction, only to confirm once again that he's not the least interested in what I'm doing. He's engrossed in a conversation with his friend Embry Call, while the girl from earlier tries to transplant her body to his left side.

The room goes still as my fingers graze the piano keys, playing the first notes of You Ruin Me by the Veronicas. I lift my gaze from the keys and my eyes lock with Jake's who is now staring right back at me, his expression undecipherable.

The lyrics spill out of my mouth as my heart bleeds:

Job well done  
Standing ovation  
Yeah you got what you wanted  
I guess you won  
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do  
Even I could've told you  
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony  
Play me till your fingers bleed  
I'm your greatest masterpiece  
You ruin me  
Later when the curtains drawn  
And no one's there for you back home  
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong  
You ruin me

As soon as I press the last key, the room explodes in applause, breaking our eye contact Jake and I. Patrick runs to my side and takes me in hug, completely oblivious to the tears that sting my eyes.

"It was perfect, Charlie" he says, before crashing his lips into mine. I'm so surprised that my eyes remain open. It's not the first time he kisses me, but we don't generally do PDA. I think instantly of Jake wondering if he's watching us and I chastise myself for thinking of him.

Patrick moves his lips to my ear and murmurs "Follow me" taking my hand in his, he walks hurriedly towards the stairs and takes them two at a time, making me stumble a few times, before we reach a room on the left. He pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the door. My brain tries to process what's happening.

I know that most kids are planning to have sex tonight and Patrick was kind of hinting at it but I made sure not to mislead him on this. I have no intentions of sleeping with him tonight.

He closes the door behind us and starts kissing me immediately, I push his chest softly with my palms "Wait, Patrick"

He ignores me and keeps on kissing me "You're so beautiful, Charlie. I've been thinking about this moment the whole night" he trails more kisses on my temple, my chin, my neck

He puts his left hand on one of my breasts and groans. I feel my anxiety picking up, I try to push him again but I'm trapped between his body and the wall

"Patrick, stop, please" I plead

Patrick takes a step back "What is it, Charlie?" I can see wrinkles on in his forehead "Sorry, babe, did I push you too far?"

Before I can answer, the door flings open and a very pissed Jacob stumbles in

"Get the fuck out of here, Landon" he doesn't take his eyes off of me. Suddenly, I feel ashamed, as if my parents caught me making out in the basement.

"What the hell, Jake" Patrick answers

Jacob takes few steps in Patrick's direction, until he's nose to forehead with Patrick and growls "I said; Get The Fuck Out Of Here, Now"

I swear I can see the veins in his neck pop and a muscle in his jaw twitches

I start to move but Jake sends me a deadly glare "You stay, Nessie"

Patrick looks at me apologetically and heads to the door

Wait, what? I can't believe he's just left me alone with Jake

Beyond pissed, I turn my attention to Jake, who has his arms crossed over his chest. He glares at me like he wants to rip me apart.

I mimic his stance "What was that about?"

"Really, Nessie? You were about to lose it to that Mothurfucker, at a party, in the room of a complete stranger?" he looks disgusted and his words stab me in the heart

"What do you care? It's my decision to make" I'm fuming. I can feel the heat rising to my ears

He moves closer until we're barely few inches from each other. His smell does weird things to my belly.

"The fuck it is" he yells

I yell back "Well, deal with it, Jake. I don't remember interfering with your intercourses, which happen to be quite frequents, actually. I'm surprised you have no STD's"

He pushes me against the wall, one hand on each side of my head, he looks me right in the eyes, his breath on my mouth. He licks his lips and for a moment I'm mesmerized by his mouth "I didn't take you for the easy type, Nessie"

NO. He hasn't just said that

I punch him very hard on the chest, but he's made of rock. It probably felt like a kid's throw

"I hate you" I scream

He holds both my wrists above my head "No, you don't" and the next thing I know, he kisses me like he's thirsty and I'm water in the fucking desert.

The moment Jake slips his tongue in my mouth and starts teasing my tongue, my brain decides it's best to leave the two of us alone. Traitor

He detaches our mouth. Our breaths labored. He trails kisses down my neck, my throat, my collarbone, still holding both my wrists with one hand, and lifting my dress with the other. His hand moves up my thigh, stroking gently.

A moan escapes my mouth

My body is on fire. I'm aching for more. So much more

He presses his body against mine, while his right hand cups my ass to bring our bodies even closer. I feel him thick and hard and I start grinding unconsciously against his crotch. His mouth comes back to my mouth, our movements synchronized.

He stops abruptly, releasing my hands and resting his forehead on mine. His breath is heavy "Fuck, Nessie. Tell me to stop"

My hands circle his neck, bringing back our mouths together and that's all the answer he needed. He unzips my dress that falls to my feet, I step out of it. Wearing only my matching black lace underwear. His eyes roam over my body hungrily, giving me a rush of adrenaline.

"Dear fuck" he runs a hand in his hair "You're so fucking gorgeous"

I can't muster the courage to tell him that he's just as gorgeous

I tuck at the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head. I let it drop to the floor and I take a minute to admire his muscled chest.

Shit. He's a full pack

Biceps, triceps, sick pack, all at once. Tattoos cover his chest and his left biceps.

My gaze follows the V shape of his body and narrow hips, the small trail of dark hair down his abdomen. The elastic of his boxer briefs picks from his low waist jeans.

Eager to see what's underneath, I fumble with the button on his jeans but he grabs my hands before I undo it "Not yet Nessie"

Our eyes lock while his hand caresses my chest, my breasts, my abdomen and disappears under my panties. The second he starts massaging my clit, my head spins. I'm overwhelmed with a whirlwind of emotions. He alternates between drawing circles in my clit and dipping a finger inside of me.

OH MY GOD

He unclasps my bra, his mouth sucking one of my nipples and molding the other one

I feel like crying, screaming and laughing all at once

"Look at me, Nessie" Jacob's husky voice murmurs

I snap my eyes open, not remembering when I closed them

He looks so intense, so hungry and... an emotion I choose not to analyze right now

He accelerates the movements, making my spine tingle, before I explode in his hand. My orgasm is so strong that it makes my legs shake and my head spin.

I reach for his jeans but he brushes my hands away once again

"Patience, Nessie" he chuckles

He removes my panties and I try to forget my nudity in front of him. He moves slowly down my body, kissing, licking and sucking my bare skin. My core is aching so much that I'm tempted to ease the pain by myself, but something tells me Jake wouldn't let me.

His tongue plunges in my folds and I'm transported to a world of pleasure, and just when I think I can't take it anymore, he stops and stands up

"Why did you stop?" I ask in full panic mode

He looks at me intently "Are you sure you want to finish what we started?"

I know exactly what he means and the answer is YES, I'm sure

I nod and go for his jeans. He grabs a condom from his pocket first then lets me remove them this time. If the tremendous bulge in his boxer briefs is any indication, It's going to hurt like hell and I don't give a damn

He lifts my chin with two fingers and kisses me eagerly while he removes his boxers. He backs away a moment, to rip the condom foil with his teeth and slips it on, his eyes never leaving me.

He brushes his lips against mine and I feel his thick cock penetrate me inch by agonizing inch. I see concern on his face, his eyes observing each movement, in case I wanted him to stop.

"Kiss me" I say, he obeys right away and it somewhat eases the pain a little

He stills and cusses under his breath "Fuck, you are so tight" his hands keep my waist from moving. After what felt like forever, he finally starts moving inside me. I try to follow his movements, until we start dancing in synchronized movements. His kisses swallow most my moans and cries and the pain fades a little bit, replaced by pleasure.

I come first and he follows right behind

I smile at him, barely back from my high and mumble an "I love you"

Jacob looks at me in utter shock

A strong knock on the door interrupts us "Jake, you in there?" I recognize Embry's voice

"Gimme a minute" Jacob gets dressed quickly, avoiding my gaze and hurries to door, he opens it just enough for Embry to see him. I hear him whisper something to Jake, who goes instantly rigid.

"I get to Go" he says with his back to me

The boy I've just lost my virginity to and to whom I confessed my love leaves me alone and aching

I let myself fall to the floor and cry for so long that when Candace finds me I'm numb and in a haze. She helps me get dressed and walks out of the room. Most people have already left the party.

As we reach the door, I hear a female voice say "This is what he does, Hun. He fucks you then ditch you, like garbage"

Candace spins around and directs a fierce glare to the girl who was sprawled all over Jake earlier "Shut the fuck up, Bitch"

I don't regret what happened that night. I gave my virginity to the man I loved. It wasn't a decision made on the spur of the moment. I knew to whom I wanted to lose it for a while already. The only thing unpredicted was that he'd be interested in taking it.

The rest of the night is a blur

Later on, Candace explained that she saw Patrick flirting with some other girl and when she confronted him, he said I was with Jake in the guest room, to which Kelcey had given him the key.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm brought back to the present when Candace's car door slams as she positions herself in front of the steering wheel. The stereo has moved to another song on my playlist. Sugar by Maroon 5 is playing now. Candace nudges me to sing along with her, but my throat is tight.

I keep my eyes glued to my window as I ask "Is it weird that I still think of him?" I don't have to say his name. Candace knows perfectly who I'm referring to.

"Nah, you're just a masochist" she shrugs "Actually, I think you're on the right path to a BDSM relationship with Jake" she winks at me before returning her gaze to the road

"Candace" I glower at her

"Sorry" she rolls her eyes "He-who-must-not-be-named" she flashes me an innocent smile "Satisfied?"

I sigh in frustration "Sometimes, I wonder why I bother asking you serious questions"

"Because, I have the power to take your mind off the serious shit that messes with your sanity" she reaches for my hand and squeezes it

She's so right. If not for Candace, I'd be drowning in self pity

The Newtons front yard is packed with cars. The music is so loud that we hear it before reaching the house. Candy pulls the car to a stop. As we make our way to the front door, I spot some familiar faces laughing and chatting on the porch.

We blend in very quickly, catching up with former classmates and acquaintances. Candace never leaving my side, knowing I'd bump into him sooner or later. I can't help the curiosity that's eating me. My eyes scan the room but he's nowhere to be seen.

After several minutes, I give up my search. Clearly, he's not here. My chest swimming in both disappointment and relief.

"Oh My God, is that you Cullen?" I hear a happy female voice behind me. I turn around to see piercing blue eyes staring right back at me, she tosses her dirty blond hair behind her ear and smiles genuinely at me.

I grin, equally happy to see her "Kelcey" I say as I give her a quick hug "It's been so long"

"Your fault, for ditching all my parties" she scolds, acting pissed and I'm thankful she hasn't brought up what happened that night. She knows about it, hell…most kids who attended that party knew.

Gossip and social media combined together can do collateral damage, luckily they just thought that high school enemies "Jacob Black and Charlie Cullen slept together". Little did they know that I confessed my love to him right after he fucked me and he rejected me. Shocking!

"Cut her some slacks, Kels" Candace teases "Unless, you want her to run away faster than your last boyfriend"

"Candy, sweetheart, when are you finally going to make your lesbian status official?"

Unaffected, Candace answers instantly "As soon as Charlie decides a pussy is better that a penis"

I gasp and Candace winks at me with a giant grin

"God, I missed you, Candace Cheney" Kelcey holds Candace in a strong embrace "Nobody competes with your sharp tongue in Cornish"

"That's why you force me to have lunch with you every Saturday? Damn, I wish Dub Dub U was farther away from you"

Kelcey and Candace have always had a good relationship, although you wouldn't tell with their banter. Back in high school, they were the star players of the volley ball team, even though Candace is only 5'3.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, as I turn I see Evan York standing before me. His dark hair slightly longer that I remember. He is very cute, with his Asian features and preppy look.

"You owe me a dance, Charlie" he says smiling

"Prom night…Right" I remember. He asked me to save him a dance but with the events of the night, it was the last thing I had in mind.

"It's never too late" he holds out his hand for me and leads me to the living room, converted into a dance floor.

Cheerleader by OMI is blasting through the loud speakers positioned in the room. Evan puts one of his hands on my right hip while his free hand takes my left hand. We engage in some sort of salsa dance and I'm actually having fun. He's a great dancer and I follow easily his moves, laughing and talking. We're so consumed by our conversation that we don't even realize that a slow song is playing now.

I flinch as I hear a way too familiar voice ask behind my back "May I steal her for a moment, Evan"

Evan looks at me for a split second, then nods smiling "Hey Jake, sure, if Charlie is cool with that"

Jake's deep voice caresses my ears like a lullaby "Dance with me, Nessie" he orders. I close my eyes a moment, still refusing to turn around to face him

I shake my head "No, I'm already dancing with Evan"

He chuckles "Is that so?" he nuzzles my neck, making me gasp. My whole body reacts to the mere feel of his breath on my skin "I don't see anybody here"

I open my eyes abruptly, only to realize Evan has left.

I gather all my courage and face him. Shit. He's even taller than I remember. I'm taller that most girls I know, but I feel tiny and defenseless around him. His toned body looks amazing under a faded pair of dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His amber eyes roam over my body like he's seconds away from devouring me and I like it. Damn it, what's wrong with me?

His tanned skin is kind of shining under the dim light and his smiling lips look yummy.

"I don't want to dance with you, Jacob. Go find another girl, I'm sure it won't be long before some girls start throwing themselves at you" I spit vehemently

Seriously? What does he think I am?

It hurts even more to imagine him assuming that I'd be willing to have anything to do with him after what he did to me.

I start towards the door but he grabs my arm and brings me back to his chest "It's you that I want"

I force myself to ignore the double innuendo

"How sad is that" I say crossing my arms over my chest defensively "I have just remembered that I need to go feed my cat"

"You don't have a cat" he holds his ground

I tap my chin, pretending to think it over "hum, right…then, I'll have to go buy one"

Hi puts his muscled arms around my waist, holding me in place "Motherfucker, it's almost midnight. There's no goddamn pet shop open" he flares "Why do you have to make this so fucking difficult"

"You want to dance, Fine, let's dance but don't expect me to talk to you" I put my hands on his strong shoulders and resist the urge to press my body against his.

You hate him, Nessie. Keep that in mind

"I'll do the talking then" he holds me tightly bringing our bodies closer. I'm immersed in his smell. Soap, pine trees and Jake

I can feel his warm chest rise and fall against me but he makes sure not to press our lower bodies together. I don't know how I feel about that

"You look beautiful, Nessie" he whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my spine

I look away from him, choosing to ignore his comment. Isn't that what I wanted? For him to notice me? to realize what he's missing?

Honestly, I want more than that. I want him to love me like I love him. To desire me like I desire him. To want me like I want him. To crave my touches like I crave his. To be as aware of me as I am aware of him.

But, I will never admit that I still wish for those feelings to come true. Not to myself, not to anyone.

Jacob is my past and I'm moving forward


	5. Chapter 5

JACOB BLACK

I remember when I first met Nessie. It was back in first grade. A little girl with long wavy hair and big almond shaped eyes was picking flowers from the school garden. It was the first time that I found a girl pretty.

Before her, I considered them dumb and annoying crybabies

Embry was showing me a magazine he stole from his older brother filled with pictures of cars and motorcycles. I was amazed by the shiny, expensive looking bikes.

"I'll get one, someday, Emb" I said pointing at a black Harley Davidson Softail Standard

Embry shook his head "Don't think so, Jake, my brother says those bikes cost a shitload of money"

"Well then, I'll have to work hard and earn the money"

In my peripheral vision, I saw Howard Flyn, the school bully; push the pretty little girl on the ground. As she fell, she bruised her knee, I could see she was fighting the tears that were building in her eyes.

Howard approached her and crossed his arms over his chest, a satisfied smile on his face "Want to cry, stupid girl"

The little girl ignored him and started to stand up but he charged towards her; before he could push her again, I punched him on the face. He stumbled back a little in surprise, turning his evil glare on me, but he didn't scare me.

I found girls irritating, true, but I was raised in a house filled with pheromones. My mom and sisters taught me to respect girls and treat them well.

"If you can't be nice to a girl, then don't be mean to her either" My mom used to say

I squared my shoulders and sighed "Don't you ever touch her again, Flyn, or you'll have to deal with me"

"You don't scare me, Jacob" he spat, approaching me

Before I could beat the shit out of him, the small brunette with fierce green eyes who was playing with the pretty girl earlier, scuffed "My mom says that when a boy hurts a girl, it means he likes her. How pathetic is that, Flyn?"

I didn't notice that we drew the attention of other kids who gathered around us. They started laughing at the brunette's comment.

"I…I…it's not true, you stupid pig" he yelled at the brunette, but nobody listened to him, they were busy laughing and pointing their forefingers at him.

Howard's horrified expression was kind of sad

Needless to say he never bullied anyone again

"Thank you, Jacob" the pretty girl said with a beautiful smile

From up close, her eyes were even more amazing. I couldn't make out the color, so I kept staring dumbly.

"Come-on, Charlie, I think he's deaf" the annoying brunette said

"Don't be mean, Candace. He hears just fine, he's in my class" she kept smiling at me

She was in my class? How come I never noticed her?

From then on, Nessie and I became inseparable…until my mother's death

13 YEARS LATER

I hold Nessie tightly in my arms, wondering how in hell am I going to fix things between us. I was a dick to her. I've done a great job at ruing all the beautiful things I had in my life and my relationship with her is one of them.

My mother's death left me hollow and bitter. I refused to be happy when my mother was no longer here and my father was struggling to remain alive. It didn't feel right to feel anything but sorrow and hurt. Gradually the hurt became anger and my sorrow manifested in the form of late partying, excessive drinking and fucking a new girl every week.

But my mother's death wasn't the only reason behind my behavior; if I thought my life couldn't be worse after my parents' accident, I was fucking wrong, the mess in my life escalated to a whole new level with the way my father managed his problems.

So, I started pulling away from Nessie, not letting her see what my life became. She was so damn perfect, she didn't deserve to be dirtied by someone like me, someday, she was just going to open her eyes and realize I was nothing but bad news to her, so I did it first, preferring to suffer then better than later.

Nonetheless; when Nessie gave up on me and backed off, it felt like betrayal. She didn't fight for me as I would have if she was the one rejecting me, So, I became a real pain in the ass to her, no matter how much it fucking killed me to do it.

"Green is definitely your color, Nessie" I murmur against her ear. I feel her shudder under my hold and I can't help a satisfied smile

She lifts her head, her big hazel eyes look sad "Why do you do this, Jake?" she asks

"Because you are beautiful" I deadpan

She sighs "You know what I mean?"

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear "I thought you didn't want to talk about it"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to hear your explanation" she exclaims honestly and I feel like crap for all I did to her but explaining what happened that night, means revealing secrets I'm not ready to unveil.

She looks at me expectantly, with her bottom lip between her teeth. She chews on her lip whenever she's nervous

I caress her lower lip with my thumb "Stop, you make me want to chew it for you"

Her body stiffens and her face flushes. I lick my lips and her eyes drop instantly to my mouth "What is it, Nessie? You want me to do it?" please say yes, I plead internally

What I want, I take, I don't wait to have it, but, I want to start over with Nessie. I want to do things differently, this time…granted, she gives me another shot, but I know damn well she won't go easy on me

For fuck's sake, what do I expect really? If I let her in, she'll want everything or nothing and I don't think I'm ready to share some aspects of my fucked up life

Nessie takes a step back and my body feels instantly empty "What do you want from me, Jake?" she doesn't wait for answers as she hurries towards the front porch. I follow right behind. When she reaches an empty spot, she spins around, anger and sadness written all over her face.

Motherfucker. I hate to hurt her

"I'm not a fucking puppet, Jake. I'm not some girl you toss around, then you go back to, whenever need be" she takes a breath and tries to calm down "Did you, seriously, think I'd be waiting for you? Do you expect me to forget the shit you put through all those years?"

I run my hand in my hair, afraid to scare her away "I was hoping you would" I know I sound like a jerk, but, at least I'm an honest jerk.

She sighs "I need time to process all this"


	6. Chapter 6

CHARLIE/NESSIE

I'm boiling with rage for so many reasons. One; I can't believe he expects me to leave behind everything I've been through thanks to him and move forward. I feel trapped in a parallel dimension

Two; I'm angry that I'm actually considering the idea

Three; I hate that I want to both jump his bones and slap him hard on the face. Yeah, it sounds just like a scene from Gone with the wind.

Jake is standing right in front of me. His dark hair completely disheveled from the numerous times he ran his hand through it, since we started this conversation. His face is devoid from any emotion. Once upon a time, I could guess what was going in his head from a simple glance, but that feels like a long time ago.

"Time? I'm asking you to give our friendship another chance, Nessie. This isn't a fucking marriage proposal." His voice calm and deep "Although, I remember distinctively how eager you were to marry me when I asked you, few years ago" he raises his eyebrow in an Oh-so-sexy way.

"I was only 8 for fuck's sake and you didn't ask; you ordered" I yell at him. I bite my lip to hide the smile caused by the bittersweet memory

3rd GRADE

Jake taps me softly on the back with his pen. His desk is right behind mine. So, we are used to communicating through notes that we pass discretely to each other, during class. I let my left arm fall at my side and open my palm. Jake slips the note quickly in my hand. I put it inside my text book and pretend to be reading when I'm actually concentrating on the note.

 _Yesterday, I asked mom why she married my dad and she said_

 _that when two people get along really well and they want to see each_

 _other every day for the rest of their lives, they sometimes want to seal it,_

 _a little bit like a deal. So, I think we should get married_

I scribble a note in response:

 _How about Embry and Candace?_

 _Jake: Polygamy is prohibited in the US. We have to pick only one._

 _I picked you_

I smile at the note. There's no hesitation in my mind, either

 _I pick you, as well_

Jake chuckles behind my back

 _I know_

I roll my eyes. This boy is so obnoxious sometimes, but I'd pick him over a million other boys. The bell of our last period rings and all the kids gather their belongings and head to the door.

Jake holds his hand to me and I shake it "We have a deal" he smiles happily

I gasp "Oh no, we don't have rings, Jake"

Jake thinks about it for a moment, then removes a black pen from his backpack "Give me your left hand, Nessie"

I do as he asks. He draws a circle of flowers around my ring finger. It's so beautiful, I absolutely love it.

"Now you" I say eagerly

He draws a simple black circle around his ring finger "I'm not adding flowers to my ring" he casts me a warning look.

I clasp my hands together "That's it, we are married"

I blink back to the present. Jacob stares at me with amusement "Do I make you nervous, Nessie?" he asks

I take a step back "What makes you think I am?"

He takes a step towards me "You only swear when you feel distressed"

I hate that he knows me so well when I know almost nothing about this new version of him. Hell, what wouldn't I give for a Jacob 2.0 Manual

"I think we are getting sidetracked here" I divert the conversation

"Right, well…I should probably write you a list of the reasons why we should be friends again"

"How about you apologize, for starters" I cross my arms over my chest defensively

He mimics my posture, but when he crosses his arms his muscles flex and my gaze follow the tattoo on his right bicep that's picking under his shirt. I can't make out what it represents

He arches an eyebrow

I start tapping my heel on the ground "I'm waiting"

He flares "I know I was an ass all those years, but don't fucking expect me to apologize for prom night"

My body tenses at the mention of that night. I didn't expect him to bring it up, nor do I want him to apologize for it, but curiosity is eating me.

"Want wouldn't you?" I want to know his reasons and here is my only chance

He considers me for a moment before he answers "To apologize for what happened between us that night would mean I regret it and I don't" he opens and closes his mouth several times, finally adding in a whisper "Do you regret it, Nessie?"

His brows furrow in worry

I prod his question, not wanting to provide him with the satisfaction I know my answer would cause "What do you care? It happened over a year ago, maybe you should have asked then"

He traps me between both his hands that he places on the brick wall I didn't realize was behind me "Well I care, Nessie. Sorry I didn't ask back then, but I'm trying now"

His eyes are burning with anger. The whole situation is a déjà vu. His smell makes me want to do very bad things to him, right here, right now. I blame it on my hormones.

He swears in a husky voice that turns me on "I swear, Nessie. Next time you chew that lip, I'll kiss you for so long, you'll be gasping for air"

"Friends don't kiss" very smart, Nessie. Bravo. Applaud everyone

Our bodies are barely an inch apart. I can almost feel his lips brush mine when he speaks

He flashes me his sexy grin "Then, we'll be a special kind of friends"

"I haven't decided if I want to take you back, yet" I snap

A phone vibration reminds us where we are. Jake fishes his phone in his back pocket, never taking his eyes off me "Hey"

He looks tense and answers in monosyllables "Yeah…Hum…Ok"

"I have to go" he presses his lips on my forehead "Have a good night, Nessie"

Just like that, he leaves

I turn to the house, looking for Candace

I spot her sitting on the couch talking to Kelcey and her boyfriend Sean

"Hey Sean" I attempt a smile

"Charlie, so good to see you" he flashes me his trademark smile

Kelcey and Sean have been dating since junior year in highschool. He's a nice guy and more importantly they adore each other. I chat some more with my friends, before calling it a night.

On the way back home, Candace doesn't mention once my encounter with Jake, so I decide to break the silence instead

"He wants me to give him another chance" I look at her expectantly, hoping she'd tell me I'm stupid and that I should kick his ass, but she never does.

"And what do you want to do?" she asks softly, her eyes never leaving the road

I sigh "I don't know. I'm I crazy to even consider it?"

She shakes her head "You simply care for him. It's not easy to toss away years of relationship"

"What should I do, Candy?" I wonder

She looks at me briefly, her eyes apologetic "An advice must be based on experience and my experience with love is very poor, Charlie"

She's right. She's had only 2 relationships in highschool and they didn't last long. Shortly after her second breakup, a rumor spread in school about Candace being frigid. She had to listen to some rude comments for a while, as twisted as it was, Candace didn't seem to care.

I know for a fact that she likes the opposite sex. I can see how she looks at a hot guy when she spots one. She enjoys flirting, but she can never go past few dates.

When I try to talk about it, she brushes it off. Like I'm simply imagining things

She pulls the car to a stop when we reach my parents' place.

"We haven't had a sleepover in ages" she says when we enter the house

"Horror or chick flicks?" I ask referring to the movies I picked for the night

"Humm…horror…I'm not in a romantic mood" we head to my room to change into our pajamas

We sit on the living room couch, watching the most stupid movie filmed in the history of horror movies

"If I hear blondie scream one more time, I swear I'll lose it" Candace complains

I laugh "I think we should stop this torture"

Candace raises her hand "I agree" she hesitates a moment before adding "How are you holding up?"

I shrug "Fine, I guess. Unhappy that Jake's proposal made me happy. Haven't figured out what to do yet" I sigh "We'll see what happens"


	7. Chapter 7

JACOB

When I was 10 years old, my father took Nessie and I to the Pacific Raceways, in Kent to watch a motorcycle race. It was one of the best days of my life. On our way back home after the race, I said to my father:

"One day, I'll be racing here, too"

My father smiled softly at me, concern in his eyes "I know how much you like motorcycles, son, but it's dangerous, some racers get serious injuries or worse"

I hear Nessie gasp behind me

I shake my head "Nothing would happen to me, besides" I shift in my seat so I can see Nessie "She would fix me if something happens, she'll be my personal doctor" I grin

She nods twice "Yes, Mr Black, don't worry, I'll become a great doctor and take care of Jake"

She reaches my hand and intertwines our fingers

Over the past few years, Nessie has slowly become a fantasy that couldn't fit my reality anymore. Whenever I feel like we can make our relationship work, reality snaps in, reminding me how naïve of me to believe such a thing.

My heart is beating very fast as I exit my car and head to the hospital entrance. A beautiful brunette, probably in her early twenties is standing behind the reception desk.

"Hi, I'm here to see Billy Black, he was admitted about 20 minutes ago"

Before she can answer me, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, son" Sheriff Swan, Nessis's Grandfather, is standing right before me

"Hi, Sir" I answer "How…how is he?" I'm both worried and angry

Sheriff Swan sits on a chair and invites me to sit beside him. I do as he asks, too afraid to hear what he's about to say

"He got in a fight in a bar" I jump from my seat but he grabs my arm and makes me sit back "Calm down, Jacob. It's nothing serious, just few stitches above his left brow" his eyes are fixed on me "Listen, son. He's got a problem, he needs help"

I drop my gaze to the floor, my forearms on my knees "I'm taking care of him"

"You have dealt with this for way too long. You are too young to carry this burden" his voice is filled with concern

"We are fine" I say through gritted teeth

"Yeah! How about when you go back to school?"

"My sisters will help" my hands are shaking

"How?" Sheriff Swan sighs "Rachel moved to South Dakota and Rebecca is to deliver her baby anytime now"

Fuck. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Rachel's husband was offered a job in S. Dakota therefore they had to move. We talk regularly on the phone and I know she won't hesitate to jump in a plane and come here if I ask her to, but I won't.

After Rachel moved, Rebecca and I were the only ones in charge of my Dad. Since I left for college, Rebecca would come every day to my father's place and I take over during school breaks, but, according to her doctor, she should give birth anytime this month, which is great, but I have no idea what to do, without my sisters help.

Motherfucker!

Will I have to drop from school?

I love Northwestern, hell, I'm living my dream. Studying mechanical engineering in one of the best schools and being only few minutes away from Nessie.

Although we haven't been in the best terms possible for the past years, and it's totally my fault for being an ass, just knowing that we are in the same city has always been comforting.

The receptionist from earlier approaches us, a notepad in her hand "Excuse me to interrupt you, but Mr Black is ready to leave"

I jump from my seat, my head aching terribly as I follow her. I hear the Sheriff murmur behind me "If you change your mind, you know where to find me, son"

Truth is, I'm afraid to ask for help. I'm afraid to fail him. I'm his son, he is my responsibility

I find my father already waiting for me, on his wheelchair, listening to the nurse who is beside him.

"Hey Dad" I say simply

"Oh, hey buddy, Charlie shouldn't have called you" he shakes his head "I told him I was fine" his tongue is still sloppy. Clearly, he's had more than a few drinks

I have no idea what to tell him at this point. No, he's not fine. Fuck. We're not fine. He's a mess and it's getting worse with every tick of the goddamn clock. But I'm not ready to tell him this…not yet

I help my father to his bed. He's fast asleep due to the alcohol in his veins.

My room is dark. I sit on the edge of the bed, my face in my hands. Everything is spinning around me. What am I supposed to do, fuck?

The next day, I wake up early to open my father's garage. I've been working my ass off since I came back here for summer break, in order to catch up with the workload. I've made a considerable progress so far. Most our clients are loyal and they always seem satisfied with the job done on their vehicles.

I left a pill on my father's bedside table for the headache that's to come before leaving. He joins me in the garage sometime after 9AM, acting as if nothing happened the night before.

"Hey, son. You holding up?"

"Hey" I pretend to be busy replacing the oil in the tank of an old Toyota Corolla

He takes a monkey wrench and starts working on another car "Rebecca called this morning, she says Hi"

I nod, afraid to yell if I open my mouth to reply

He clears his throat "Don't be like this, Jake. It was nothing"

That's it, I can't take it anymore "Nothing?" I laugh "Sheriff Swan said you were lucky the bar owner called the police. Holly shit, they were 3 against you"

"Well, I handled myself pretty good, except few scratches here and there, I've got nothing" he drives his wheelchair towards me

"What the fuck, Dad. What's wrong with you? Sheriff said you provoked them" they only didn't hurt him much, because of his condition, but I can't bring myself to tell him this, and then it hit me

"Do you…did you want them to beat you to death?" pain is contracting my chest

He's stunned for a second "Nonsense" he brushes me off

I stay there fixed to the ground for few more seconds, then resume work, unable to shake the idea from my head.

The rest of the morning flies by pretty quickly. Embry stops by around 2PM, asking me to go cliff diving in La Push.

"Come-on, Jake"

"I can't, Emb. I've got a shit load of things to do" I answer honestly

Embry looks behind my back "Hi, Mr Black. How are you doing?"

"Good, good" he nods "You boys are going somewhere?" he asks with a soft smile

"No, I still have things to do" my tone is cold

He shakes his head "Go, son. I'll finish here"

I start to protest but he stops right away and tells me to go have some fun

"Let me have a quick shower and grab few things" I tell Embry

I could use a distraction I guess


	8. Chapter 8

NESSIE/CHARLIE

Candace and I are both lying on her yellow beach towel, enjoying the sun. La Push is really crowded during summer. Luckily, Kelcey and Sean managed to save us a spot next to their deckchairs.

We've been sharing school anecdotes for the past half an hour

"…so, when Sean came to pick me up from my ballet class, I was still dancing with Ian, who was holding me by the waist and…and…" Kelcey is laughing so hard, she's barely able to breathe

Sean rolls his eyes "Really, Kels. How was I supposed to know he was you fucking Ballet teacher?"

"Well, if you bothered to ask him, instead of punching him, you would have known" kelcey is still laughing

"I thought you were studying design in Cornish?" I ask, a bit confused

"Yep, but I'm taking ballet classes in a dance studio near school. It's fun. I love ballet" she shrugs

Sean holds her tightly in his arms, whispering in her ear "and I love you"

"Cute" Candace smiles

Sean stands from his deckchair, stretching his arms "I'm going to grab something to eat, want something, babe? Girls?" he looks at us expectantly

Kelcey taps the box of tuna sandwiches beside us "We're fine. You sure you don't want one of these?"

"Nope" he kisses kelcey on her cheek "See ya"

When Sean is out of sight, I turn to Kelcey "So, how is it like to live together"

Sean and Kelcey moved in together when they started attending Cornish

"Great. Lots of sex and fun" she grins "Nah, seriously, it's nice that the last person you see before you sleep and the first person who greets you when you open your eyes in the morning is the guy you love. I know it sounds cheesy and all, but it's what I honestly feel"

"Fair enough" Candace says

"With that being said, boys are really messy. I mean, he always leaves things all over the place. We do argue a lot about it. Grrr. He makes me scream like crazy sometimes" she growls "And he…oh sweet baby monkeys, is that hotter than hell shirtless guy over there Jacob Black?"

Candace and I both follow her gaze and Oh My Good, does he look like a sex god or at least what I would assure a sex god should look like. i.e Jacob Black

Did I mention he's way taller than I remember? He must be at least 6ft4 now

Water is dripping from his hair and his perfectly defined muscles. He is wearing a diving suit, but the upper part is hanging low on his hips. His chest is covered in tribal tattoos and scribbling. I would love to see them up close, or touch them…or lick them…

Stop Charlie. Look away before he catches you staring. I keep repeating that to myself, grateful that my sunglasses are big enough to cover half my face.

"I think the dress code to my next party will be Beach wear" Kelcey deadpans

"I'll stay by the door to make sure the male guests comply" Candace adds before turning her attention on me "huh…Charlie, you ok?"

"Mmmm" Onomatopoeia is all my mouth is willing to emit, unlike my imagination which has gone wild the moment Jacob appeared

Oh no…he's looking this way

"Hey" Kelcey waves at him

"Kelcey, don't" I whisper yell while Candace chuckles beside me, apparently finding the whole debacle amusing

"Oops…too late" Kelcey looks at me apologetically "They are coming"

They? I haven't even noticed Embry Call was with him the whole time. I guess I have a selective vision. Thank you fucked up mind

"Hey Girls, how are you doing?" Embry greets us with a shy smile

I mumble something that sounds like "heymfinthanku"

Jake stifles a laugh not so subtly, but I ignore him keeping my attention on what's written on my sunscreen bottle, like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

The three of them engage in a conversation about some bonfire night in La Push, but Jake's eyes are fixed on me making me so self conscious knowing that my red bikini doesn't leave much to the imagination.

I need to get away from him.

"I'm going to swim" I say simply as I start towards the sea

"I'll come with you" Jakes follows me

I don't look at him while I answer "Thanks Mitch Buchannon but I'm fine. No need for a lifeguard"

He shakes his head with a smile "I'm not here to save your sweet ass in case you drown"

I face him this time "Oh yeah! Why did you follow me then?"

He takes one step forward leaving less than a 4 inches space between us "To beat the shit out of the bastards that would approach you" he murmurs "that's what friends are for" he adds with a wink

I'm both disappointed and irritated

"What if I want a bastard to approach me" I cross my arms over my chest in defiance

"With that piece of fabric you call a swimwear, I'm sure it won't be long before some fuck-up tries" he takes another step forward and this time our bodies brush

"Why! You don't like my bikini?" I wonder in visible fake interest

He flashes me his toothpaste advert smile that's worth million dollars "Oh I do like your bikini and guess what" his fingers caress the material right above my left boob "I like even more what's under" he whispers in my ear leaving goosebumps on my skin, he takes a step back, his face completely devoid of any amusement now "What I do not like however is for anybody else to enjoy the view"

Before I can answer, a beautiful blond girl interrupts us, completely ignoring me "Hey, Jake. Long time no see"

"Hey, Maria" Jake doesn't seem happy to see her

She starts twirling a strand of hair around her fingers "You never called"

He runs a hand in his hair, clearly uncomfortable "Yeah. Have been busy lately"

"I thought we had a good time the other night" she adds

Really! This is becoming pathetic. I can feel the anger building in my system. I start towards my friends not wanting to listen to this stupid conversation. That's insane

"Nessy, wait" Jacob runs to my side

"Why? So you tell me that it's ok for you to fool around while I'm not allowed to" Pure fury is boiling inside of me "I don't think we should go back to being friends"

Jake looks stunned "Is me being celibate a fucking condition to our friendship?"

"It's not what I said"

He flares "It is certainly what you implied"

"Aren't you a hypocrite? You implied the same damn thing less than 5 minutes ago. Or maybe I misunderstood"

His jaw twitches. Definitely not a good sign "I don't want you spreading your legs for any other guy"

"I don't want you inside any other girl" I challenge

"We have a deal" he says in his deep velvety voice "Are we friends, now?"

I can't believe he has just accepted not to sleep with any girl just for the sake of our friendship. I mean it applies to me as well but it's not as if I sleep around much, if not at all.

"Huh…I guess" I think I'm in shock


	9. Chapter 9

Jacob

When I was thirteen years old, Nessie caught me with a boner. It was an extremely embarrassing moment for me, although it wasn't the first time it happened to me around her.

We were at her place, her mom was preparing some cookies while we were playing in the Jacuzzi situated in the middle of the garden.

"Come over here, kids. The cookies are ready" Nessie's mom called from the kitchen that was separated from the garden with a glass window

As we got out of the Jacuzzi, I couldn't help but admire Nessie's changing body. She was becoming more beautiful every day. My body was starting to change as well and I had no control over its reactions.

Nessie faced me to say something and her eyes went wide when she glanced down.

"It's chilly" I hurried to explain

She recovered from her initial shock and smiled shyly at me "It's all it is?" she asked

I nodded eagerly

She looked behind her back to make sure her mom was not listening, then turned her attention back to me "I have no interest in male anatomy whatsoever, for now. I don't even know if and when I'd like to have…you know. But, I'd like you to know that when I do want to explore, I'd like it to be with you"

And just like that, she disappeared in the kitchen, leaving me in utter shock

Present days:

I have just accepted the most insane deal ever. Hell, I didn't fucking hesitate when I agreed to it. I'm not a sex addict. I'm just a normal man with physiological needs, but, knowing that I'll be deprived of sex for God knows how long makes me all kinds of fucked up.

Fuck me! I'm just the type who wants even more what he's ordered not to do. I'm a goddamn moth attracted to flames.

But, to be totally honest, the reason why I accepted this deal is because I want redemption for the shit I put her through. I'm trying to win her over, as I was the dick to begin with. One has to do what he has to do

When I got back home, my father was passed out on the living room couch. At least tonight, he's had the decency to do it here, instead of a shitty bar where I'd have to go clean his mess.

I carry him to his room, put him in clean pajamas and tuck him in bed, just the way a father would do to his kid, except in my situation, the roles are reversed.

I go to my room, completely exhausted

I haven't wrapped my head around today's events yet. She looked so hot in her red bikini, it took the caveman in me a huge amount of restraint not to throw her over my shoulder and take her someplace to fuck her senseless. I know how good she feels. After prom night, any intercourse became tasteless. Sometimes, I would close my eyes and imagine the faceless girl I'm banging is Nessie.

Yeah! I'm a total douche but the girls I fuck know not to expect anything…Nessie, however, was never one of them, albeit she doesn't know it.

I'm still lying on my back, eyes fixed to the ceiling when my phone buzzes. I quickly check the caller ID before I answer.

Landon Grimes

"Hey buddy, how's home?" I say as I pick the phone. Landon is my roommate and I guess my best friend as well. We both attend Northwestern. We used to go to the same parties and hang with the same circles, so, we slowly built a strong friendship. Actually, the apartment we live in belongs to his father. When I told him I was looking for a place, he offered to accommodate me but I insisted to pay my share.

"Never been better" his cheerful tone doesn't fool me

"That bad?" I ask

He sighs "You have no idea. How about your old man?"

Landon knows everything about my fucked up situation and the guy has his own share of dirty laundry. I guess our shitty lives are what brought us closer.

"The usual" I shrug, too exhausted to elaborate

"Figured what to do when school starts again?" Rcahel is away and Rebecca will be a full time mom which means I need to find a way to take care of my father, while I'm away. Otherwise, I'll have to quit school…crap, just thinking about it makes me cringe

My chest feels heavy "I have no idea how to deal with this shit" I scratch my chin in thought

I hear a door slam followed by a familiar female voice. Landon answers with upbeat "Good evening Mrs Rottenmeier. It's nice seeing you too"

"You're back to Chicago?" I ask dumbfounded

"Yeah…I got in a fight with my wicked step mother. I decided to come back sooner"

"What happened this time?"

"She tried to feed me a poisoned apple" I can hear his grin through the phone. Landon uses sarcasm to cover his emotions

"Sorry to hear that, snow white. Did a prince kiss you awake?" I joke

"In modern days, it translates into a blow job from a sexy blond in the bathroom of a local bar"

"Ever the manwhore"

"Says who?" I hear some noise in the background "Hey, get to go"

"Wait Landon, listen, I need to help my father in the garage, so, I can't move much, but you should come over and spend some time here. Forks is not that bad"

I don't want Landon being alone during summer break. No matter how hard he tries to hide his emotions, I know he must be feeling like crap right now. Having nobody to rely on is awful.

As much as my dad is a mess, I know he loves me more than his own life.

"Yeah, talk to you soon" he ends the call

Right before I sleep, I scroll through my contact list to finally find a phone number I hadn't used in years, after a brief hesitation, I text her:

 _Good night, Nessie_

I wait five minutes, that turn into 10, then 15 and right when I'm about to give up and go to sleep, my phone buzzes:

 _Good night, Jake_

Three words, three simple words, but man do they feel good. She hasn't wished me good night in ages. I missed those words…Motherfucker, I miss her.

She used to be the highlight of my days and I failed her. I let her go when I needed her most. I hurt her when she was vulnerable. I rejected her when she opened up to me and yet, she's willing to give me another chance.

I don't deserve her

Damn it! I'm scared to screw up


	10. Chapter 10

It's already been a week since the deal. I haven't seen or talked to Jacob since then, except for the occasional texting to wish good night to each other. I'm not complaining about the time off. I need some space to process this whole new turn of events in our relationship.

We went from best friends, to enemies, going through a phase of being simple acquaintances, to one night lovers, then a year of grieving for my part and back to being friends…sort of

Jeez…It's too soon to call what we have now friendship. It's still in an embryonic state for now.

"Thanks to you, I think I finally get the 'it's complicated' status on facebook" Candace smirks beside me. She spent the night here after we watched a rerun of Supernatural's tenth season, drooling over the hot Winchester brothers.

I roll my eyes "It's not complicated, it's undefined. Anyways, get ready or you'll be late for tutoring" I woke up much earlier than her for my morning run, so I already showered and got dressed.

"Grrr" she growls while she throttles towards the bathroom "I can't believe my mom did this to me. Do I look like a tutor, seriously?" she pops her head through the bathroom door while she brushes her teeth

"You graduated with honors form Forks High" I offer with a wry smile

"Only because my mom threatened to convert me into her slave assistant if I didn't" she says in a muffled voice

Candace's mom is a therapist and has always had high expectations regarding her daughter's future. Although, she tends to be overprotective with Candy to the extent that she demanded her daughter picks a school within Washington state, even though she would have been accepted in any school with her perfect record and great grades.

Candace doesn't complain much about it, but, sometimes when the pressure gets too high, she tells me how much she hates that her parents interfere in her life. They even picked her major, regardless of the fact that their daughter hates accountancy.

Few minutes later, my best friend emerges from the bathroom, ready to go, in a faded pair of jeans and a white shirt.

"Mmmm…is it waffles I smell" she sniffs while we head to the kitchen

"Yep" I pop the P when I answer "Morning Mom" I greet as I sit on the stool in front of my mom, whose putting more waffles on a plate.

My parents were back few days ago, which is one of the reasons I haven't seen much of Jacob lately. I've been spending most my time with my family, these days. According to Candace, Jacob has been quite busy himself in his father's garage. Not that we spy on him or anything, it's just that she ran into Embry in a grocery store few days ago.

"Morning, Mrs Cullen" Candace chimes in, sitting right beside me

"Good morning, girls. Did you have any sleep?" she sends us a knowing look

"Not much" I say honestly "We've had a supernatural night"

My mom looks way younger than her actual age. She's got long dark wavy hair that contrasts perfectly with her pale skin and big amber eyes.

"Hey baby girl" my father kisses me on the forehead "Good morning, Candace" he adds with a smile

"Good morning, Eduard, it's so good to see you again" Candace answers in a sultry voice

My father shakes his head, trying to suppress a smile. My best friend has always had some sort of crush on my father, which I find quite unsettling.

"Here, Sweety" My mom hands a napkin to Candy who is now looking at it quizzically "To wipe your drool" she adds with a smile

I can't help but laugh my ass off "Really, Candy, stop ogling my father, it's weird"

"He's hot" she says it as if this simple fact should explain it all

"Urrgggg, don't ever use this adjective to describe my father…ever again" I think I might throw up.

My uncle Emmet storms in the kitchen followed by his wife Rosalie "Did you make some waffles for us, Bella" he asks while he takes my mom in an embrace that has her whole body engulfed. My uncle Emmet is huge and bulky and of course very handsome with tousled dark hair and piercing blue eyes.

"I knew you'd drop by. Here" my mom hands him a plate when he releases her

"Hey girls" Rosalie seats on my right "So, there's this new club that opened down town. We should totally go tonight. I heard it's great"

"Nuh, not gonna happen" Candace is the first one to answer "Last time we went clubbing with you, you were the center of attention"

Rosalie tugs a strand of shiny blond hair behind her ear, her violet blue eyes staring innocently at us "I was not"

"You were" I deadpan

My uncle Emmet holds his wife tightly in his arms from behind "My sexy girl" he says grinning

"Well" she says apagogically "I'll go with Alice, when she's back. But, you girls should totally go. It's called La Havana. It's really worth it" she fishes in her jeans pocket "Here. I have those free passes" she hands me two tickets "They're for two people each"

"Thanks, Rose" I say as I take the passes

Candace finishes quickly her breakfast, grabs her messenger bag and starts towards the door "We're still meeting for lunch, Charlie?" she asks while walking out

"Yeah, at Omaley's" I say before I take a bite of my waffle

"Ok, Goodbye Cullens" she says cheerfully

We all answer in unison "Bye"

I spend the rest of my morning running errands with my mom, discussing Med school with my grandpa and helping my grandmother in the kitchen.

I arrive to Omaley's a little after 12. Candace is already there waiting for me. She doesn't notice me, though, busy staring through the window, deep in thought. Her dark hair covers part of her face, but she's still utterly beautiful.

"Thinking of your hungry kids?" I startle her as I settle down in the front seat

She recovers from her initial surprise "Nah, just wondering how I'm going to finally get rid of my fifth husband. He's got a 7 digits health insurance" she winks

"More seriously now, want to talk about what's bothering you?" I ask not without a hint of worry

"I'm fine…just a little tired" her usual answer. I kind of hoped she'd answer earnestly this time, although I expected her to brush me off.

A young waiter around our age interrupts us "What can I get you girls"

We both place our orders while he scribbles on his note pad "I'll be right back" he says smiling

"So, how was tutoring?"

"Boring" she sighs "Hey, want to hit that Club Rosalie told us about?"

I shrug "Tonight?"

"Yeah, I've already asked Kelcey and Sean if they want to come. Kelcey said they've been there once and they loved it. It's like a hot spot. Everybody wants to go there"

"I'm fine with that"

"Great, I'll pick you up at 10pm"

%%%

I join my best friend in her sedan "Ohhh, sexy shmexy" she gives me a satisfied grin.

I'm wearing a short black chiffon dress with a thin brown belt that hugs my waist, paired with brown boots. I tied my hair in a low ponytail and put some black mascara and beige lip stick.

Candace has opted for a white tunic, black shorts and black stilettos. She has her hair in a side braid and she's got her vintage glasses on. She looks absolutely adorable

"I like your glasses" I smirk

"Didn't have time to wear my lenses" she shrugs

"Well, I'm glad you didn't, because you look hot with those, Clark Kent" I wink

When we reach La Havana, there's already a huge line by the entrance. Kelcey and Sean are standing near the sidewalk. Probably waiting for us.

"Hey guys" I hug both of them, really happy to spend some time with them. We hand our passes to the bulky guy by the door, not needing to wait in the never ending cue od people, thanks to Rosalie.

As soon as we get in, the loud music pierces our ears. It takes us a few seconds to adjust to the noise. The place is dark and exotic. Fake palm trees cover every corner. Leafs hang from the ceiling as well. It's like being in a jungle.

"I like it" Candace grins beside me

"Yeah, me too" I stare around me in amazement

The place is already packed. We barely manage to make our way to the bar. Sean is the only one who has a fake ID "I'll order for you, ladies. What do you want?"

Candace is quick to answer "Just water. I'm driving tonight"

"Any cocktail for me, babe" Kelcey is next

"Same here, babe" I add with a grin making Kelcey roll her eyes

Sean comes back with our orders some time later. We sit at a free table, enjoying the nice music.

Candace and I engage in a mundane conversation, when suddenly a deep voice startles us "Excuse me, that's my seat"

A guy who looks like he's just stepped out of a GQ cover looks directly at Candace. He must be about 6ft3. He's got golden brown hair, shorter in each side and longer on top, his chocolate brown eyes are mesmerizing and his full lips look yummy.

Candace looks left, then right "Sorry, I don't see your name written anywhere"

His lips curve in a lopsided smile, exposing a sexy dimple "Funny. Didn't your friends tell you this is not a playground, little girl? This place is for grown-ups"

Candace sighs in an over dramatic tone "Jeez. They said we were going to the zoo and here I thought you were a talking gorilla"

"As much as I'm enjoying this conversation, I want my seat back even more" he says impatiently

"Too bad, cause I'm not moving" Candace crosses her arms over her chest

"Neither am I" his muscles flex when he mimics her "Jeez. For such a small little human, you sure can be a pain in the ass"

"I'm 5ft3 which is an average height in the US, airhead" her nose flares with visible anger

"Is that supposed to make me reconsider what I've just said?" he rises an eyebrow

Before Candace can answer, a way too familiar voice interrupts her. Jacob Black, in his 6ft4 glory. Suddenly, the oxigen in my lungs is not enough, because I seem to need more. He's wearing a black henley that looks like it's been sewed on his body, and a faded pair of blue jeans paired with black timberlands. I'm momentarily unable to tear mu eyes away "Sorry it took so long, Bro. There was a huge line when I hit the can" Jacob complains completely oblivious to us

GQ doesn't look away from Candace "No prob. I have a gnome situation here, though"

Jacob finally turns his attention to us, taken aback when he realizes who his friend was referring to "Candace! Nessie" he seems utterly surprised

"You know Frodo, here?"GQ asks, dumbfounded

"What?" Jake has no idea what his friend means

"Ouch, have you just stomped on my foot?" GQ glares at Candace

Her eyes throw daggers at him "Yeah. Did it hurt?"

"No" he deadpans

"Stop. What are you? Twelve?" I snap.

"She definitely looks twelve" GQ smirks and Candace shows him the bird

I roll my eyes "I was talking to both of you"

"How long did you have to stand this?" Jacob looks disgusted

"More than needed for my sanity" I sigh

Kelcey and Sean are still on the dance floor, completely oblivious to us

Jake makes quick introductions. His friend's name is Landon Grimes, they both attend Northwestern and share an apartment near school. He's not that bad, when he's not arguing with Candace. I even enjoyed his company once he and Candace finally decided to call a truce and ignore each other. These two seem to bring the worst in each other

I close my eyes in appreciation when the Dj plays a remix of Are you with me by Lost Frequencies. Jacob seems to notice my reaction, because he inches closer to me, making me very much aware of his proximity. His smell gets me high. His lips brush my ear when he murmurs in a husky voice "Dance with me"

This simple order sends shivers down my spine. My answer is a nod, because, let's be honest here, if I speak one word he would guess how much his mere presence affects me. My shaking voice would definitely betray me.

%%%

Author's note: I would like to thank you for reading and commenting on my chapters. Your words really make my day and I'm really happy to share my passion with you. Your feedback is a source of inspiration, so, please don't hesitate to post your impressions. Xx. Shino87


	11. Chapter 11

Jacob Black

When we were 12, Nessie's paternal grandfather showed us his tremendous coins collection. He explained to us the origins of each one of them. The ones with most value were made of gold or silver. It was fascinating.

"So, the face of the coin here, is called Head" Carlisle said while holding the coin under a lens, then flipped the golden coin between his fingers "and this side, here, is the tail. As you can see, both sides are completely different, however, they are complementary. Each side belongs to the other"

Nessie, who was observing silently until then with our hands laced, murmured "Like Jacob and I"

Carlisle smiled tenderly at her "Like Jacob and you"

 **Present days:**

Nessie's hair smells divine. It has this fruity, sweet sent. Cherries, I'm guessing. I press my chin to her head while I hold her tightly against my chest. We're swaying to the music in silence. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her earlier. I really didn't expect to find her in La Havana tonight, or any other night.

She looks so beautiful in her short black dress. I'm happy I didn't find her dancing in some bastard's arms, it would have certainly ended in a fight…a bad one, considering Landon would have my back for sure…so, yeah, thanks fuck, it didn't have to come to that.

Crap. She inches closer, pressing her breasts to my chest and the movement makes me curse under my breath. Nice. Now, I have a semi…Motherfucker

I'm not like a damn hormonal teenager who gets hard when a simple breeze of wind caresses his under parts. I'm just a horny bastard who's had to give up on sex to win back a girl, who, by the way, happens to star in my wildest fantasies. So, yeah, fuck me. I made a pact with the devil.

"Thanks" I finally say, trying to take my mind away from her sexy curves pressed to my body

Nessie lifts her eyes questioningly "For what?" she asks

I clear my throat "For the flowers"

When I see she doesn't have a clue as to what I'm talking about, I amend "My mother's grave" I furrow my eyebrows "I know you are the one who brings her fresh flowers every day, Nessie. So, thanks"

After a brief hesitation, she shrugs "I didn't do it for you"

"Anyway, it means a lot to me and I'm grateful" I whisper in her ear

Nessie simply nods to that. I know I have to tread cautiously with her. She might run away at any moment, if I try to rush things between us, so, I'm simply following her pace.

"So…are you going to the bonfire night?" I ask

"I remember Embry mentioning it, the other day at the beach. When is it?"

"Tomorrow night"

She wrinkles her nose in thought, which I find cute "Well, I'll see"

I stroke her cheek, catching her by surprise "You should come"

It's been so long since we've spent quality time together, so, I'm seizing any opportunity that would allow me to.

"And why exactly?" humor is dancing in her eyes

I pretend to think it over "Well, because I'll be there, probably shirtless and I know how much you like my sculpted chest" I grin when she rolls her eyes "Besides, it's the least you could do for me. I haven't gotten laid in more than a week, because of you"

She stiffens "You haven't?"

"We have a deal. Wait, have you…?" sudden fear and irritation prickling my skin

"Of course not" she answers right away then seems to regret it when she sees the smug smile on my face "Still, I don't see why I should…"

I cut her off "I'd like to spend some time with you" I say honestly as I press a kiss on her forehead, taking her completely by surprise.

She briefly closes her eyes, then sighs in defeat "Fine, I'll be there, but, under one condition"

Damn it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy

I arch an eyebrow "Again!"

"Yeah, again" she scoffs "You're gonna have to tell me what happened after the accident"

I grit my teeth. She doesn't need to elaborate. I know she means my parents' accident and my mom's death. I'm not stupid, I knew she'd want to talk about it sooner or later and I was hoping she'd bring it up when I'm fucking ready to open up.

"If you want us to move forward, Jake, I'm going to need to know what happened" she pleads and I can see in her eyes that she wants us to sort things out as much as I do.

"Sometimes, talking about the ugly thinks in your life makes them so damn real; you can't push them to the back of your mind anymore, Nessie"

She catches my face with both hands, her eyes searching mine "They _are_ real, Jake. Ignoring the shit in your life isn't a solution. Pushing those who care for you away, isn't either" she sighs in frustration "I'm angry at you. Part of me hates you, but, the old Nessie in me wants to be there for you. I know you're miserable, Jake. I feel it right here." She places her palm against her heart and adds in a trembling voice "Because you are as much part of me as I am part of you. We've spent the past years trying to stay away from each other, when what we actually needed was to stick together more than ever"

"Two sides of the same coin" I breathe, pressing my forehead to hers

"Yeah, two sides of the same coin" she reiterates

"We should probably get going" I stare behind her back.

She follows my gaze and growls "Definitely, before these two strangle each other"

We stare at our friends, visibly arguing over something

"Candace can be tough, at times" I laugh while we head to our table

"Hey, Landon called her a gnome" Nessie defends her best friend

I'm glad Landon finally took my offer seriously and came to Forks. He arrived yesterday and his presence really lightened my mood, although, it hasn't prevented my father from drinking to oblivion and passing out anywhere, inside the house. My best friend has been cool about it, helping me clean the mess and he never brought it up the next day.

"Most his research was attributed to Edison" Candace yells in anger

Landon seems to enjoy way too much her indignation "Tesla used to work for Edison Machine Works, back then. Anything he did, was under the name of the company"

"That's not fair" Candace yells

"Listen, little girl, we're not talking fair or not. We're talking business. Because, whether you like it or not, Edison thought like a businessman and Tesla thought like an inventor"

"Come-on, you've got to be kidding me" I laugh "You can't be arguing over this"

Both Landon and Candace look at me "Why not?"

Nessie comes to my rescue "Where are Sean and Kels?"

"If you're talking about the horny couple, they left about 10 minutes ago" Landon answers, earning a chastising look from Candace "What? They were all over each other"

"You're such a douche" Candace spits

"And you've got such a dirty mouth. Didn't your mom teach you not to swear" Landon glares at her

"Yeah, right after she explained what "Ass-hole" meant and before she taught me how to kick one in the balls"

They both engage in a stare down contest

"Ok, kids. That's enough" Nessie clasps her hands together "Candace, we're leaving. Landon, it was nice meeting you" then she turns to me, her beautiful almond shaped eyes staring through me "See you tomorrow, Jake" she murmurs

When we hit the road in Landon's Porsche, it takes him less than 30 seconds to speak his mind. Why delay the inevitable, I suppose

"So, you've got the hots for her"

"For who?"

"Charlie or Nessie or whatever you want to call her" he smiles "Hey, I'm not judging. The chick's hot"

"She's my fucking childhood friend" I chose the easy escape

"You want to jump your childhood friend. It's a little cliché, don't you think?" he asks in amusement

"How about you mind your own business, Jessica Fletcher" I bicker lightheartedly

"How about no, Dawson" he answers immediately with a giant grin "Don't be a pussy, Jake. You like her more than just a friend, man-up and admit it"

"Jeez. You're stickier than a damn leech" I sigh

"Seriously though, man. It won't do you harm. You deserve a healthy relationship in your fucked up life" his serious tone takes me totally by surprise

I nod "Thanks buddy. But, your life is just as fucked up" I smile "Anyway; you should know that anything more than friendship is not likely to happen. I've been a royal ass to her"

"Want to tell me about it" he asks

"It's a long story" I sign, feeling all the weight of the universe on my shoulders

"I've got plenty of time" he lifts his eyebrows

%%%

A/N: Hey, it's me again. So, thank you all for reading. I'm really happy to share this story with all of you. Sorry I can't post more that two chapters a week. I only have time to write during the WE. If you have any comment or suggestion, don't hesitate to share it, I'd love to read your thoughts. Xx. Shino87


	12. Chapter 12

Charlie/Nessie

Ok, so tonight didn't go exactly as expected. I certainly didn't intend to tell Jake how much I needed him in my life…Well, not in these terms, but it pretty much meant this. I feel a bit embarrassed and apprehensive, because, in all honesty, Jacob Black is the most unpredictable person known to mankind. I have no idea how he's going to react next. So, here I am, on my way home, replaying in my head every single second of our conversation while biting at my nails. My aunt Alice would go berserk if she saw me do this. Luckily, my nails will probably grow back before her tour of South America is over.

Here's the thing, when Jake invited me to the bonfire night, I knew it was my chance to have something in return. So, here goes nothing, I thought to myself. Was I too easy on him? definitely. Do I regret what I said? Hell no. I needed to say it and he needed to hear it, no matter how much I wanted him to work for it a little harder.

Here's the thing, I was into Jacob Black before he even knew my existence.

In first grade, I was a shy little girl who tried very hard to go unnoticed. I didn't have many friends, except for Candace and I didn't really want to mingle that much, but there was this little boy in my class whose desk used to be near a window. I remember him lost in thought, gazing through that very window, whenever he got a chance to. He was both intriguing and fascinating. He had those particular Native American features that made him beyond handsome. Of course, he never knew I observed him. He barely knew I was there which proved I was doing a great job at trying to be invisible, but…Yeah, there always has to be a "but", I didn't want to be invisible to Jacob Black.

Days became weeks, weeks became months (2 to be more precise) and the school bully decided I was his next target. He would corner me in the school halls; wait for me in the school playground, being crueler every time. I didn't really worry about him though. I could handle myself and my best friend was a kickass. So, I let him be until Jacob came to my rescue.

That day changed everything for me.

That day, Jacob Black became my everything.

The burgeoning feelings I nourished for him got stronger every day until I understood that one single person could be your whole universe.

Some might say "Oh, two best friends falling in love. How typical", well, I've never been shy about my feelings for him, neither have I felt shame for that purpose. I do hate how I feel about him though, since he stopped reciprocating my feelings. And I've used the word "stopped" because I know he shared my feelings before his world crushed blowing mine on the way. We weren't best friends full stop. We were soul mates and we understood pretty quickly that our feelings weren't those of friendship only, but, it took us few years to identify them. By the time we were ready to embrace those feelings, things got out of hand.

I'm not a fragile piece of china and I certainly don't need a man in my life to feel fulfilled. But can you blame me for loving a man so much, that I'm ready to forgive him years of pain and anguish?

He said he was sorry and maybe I'm naïve, but I chose to believe him

"Really, what a jackass this Landon" Candace hisses beside me, eyes on the road "He thinks he's right about everything and he's so full of himself just because he's got the A&F model looks"

"A&F?" I ask quizzically

"Abercombie and Fitch" she shrugs

Now, that gets my attention "You think he's hot"

"No" she says way too fast "He's definitely not my type" she scoffs

"Explain"

Candace looks at me like I've just insulted her "Isn't it obvious? He's obnoxious, irritatingly sarcastic, he thinks he's smarter than the others, he's got a sharp tongue, he always wants to have the last word…and the list is long"

I pretend to think about it "It really reminds me of someone…Wait, it reminds of you" I say in fake surprise

"Nonsense. Don't you dare compare me to him" she glares at me

"It is the impression most people get when they first meet you" I say softly, causing Candace to open and close her mouth several times, looking for something to say.

After what seems like forever, Candace speaks finally, eyes glued to the road. Her expression undecipherable "So, you and Jake are an item, again?"

"I'm not sure where we stand, right now. But, we're note enemies anymore and we don't intend to avoid each other, from now on" I hesitate a moment before adding "If you are worried you might come second after Jake, don't be"

Candace looks at me for few seconds, her eyes wide open in surprise, then bursts into laughter. Big fat tears falling from the sides of her eyes "OMG, no" she manages to say still laughing "I'm not worried, Charlie. Your relationship with Jake has never interfered with our friendship before and it certainly won't now" she calms down a little "I want you to be happy and Yeah, I'm worried but only because I'm scared he breaks your heart once again"

"Well, this time I'm prepared for the worst, just in case" I smile sadly at my best friend

%%%

 **The bonfire Night**

"Holly cows. It is really perfect" Kelcey states as soon as we arrive to La Push.

Bonfire Nights are quite common during summer in La Push. There's an event agency that organizes concerts and beach parties as well as bonfire nights every year in La Push. The theme this year is "White until twilight".

The beach is decorated with white balloons, white deckchairs, white veils and more importantly, all the guests are wearing white. It was a requirement to attend the event. The contrast with the dark sky is marvelous. There is a gigantic bonfire in the middle and a bunch of people are already gathered around it.

The DJ is playing a remix of Wait by M83. Some couples are swaying to the music, others simply sitting on the sand chatting or listening to the music.

Candace and I are both wearing long white summer dresses and flat sandals, except that my long wavy hair is parted in the middle and hanging down my back, while Candy has her straight hair tied in an unkempt ponytail, giving a great view of her big dangling earrings.

"Want to sit by the bonfire?" Sean asks us while holding Kelcey in his arms, her back pressed to his chest. She turns in his arms to kiss his neck and murmurs "I don't care, as long as you are with me"

"Kels, you're more and more cheesy" Candace laughs

"That's because I'm more and more in love, butthead"

"Bonfire is fine" I inform Sean who seems to enjoy the girls banter "Now drag your ass over there, ladies"

The place is already packed but we manage to find few empty spots. Just as I'm about to sit, someone grabs me from behind, both hands placed on either sides of my hips. I don't need to turn around to recognize who it is. His unique smell always gives him away. I'm really getting high from his fragrance. Pure male, soap and pine.

"Been waiting for you, Nessie" he whispers in my ear in a husky voice, sending a discharge through my body.

I lie my head against his chest "I take it you missed me" I tease

The rich sound of his chuckle makes me bite my lip to hide a smile "Maybe"

A piercing shriek reminds us where we are "Put me down, you asshat" Candace yells

"Not until you apologize for pouring beer over my head" Landon answers while holding Candace over his shoulder.

"I swear to god, if your grab my ass one more time, I'll cut your balls and feed them to the dogs" she threatens

Landon laughs so hard that I'm afraid he might drop Candace on the ground "If you stopped moving I wouldn't have to grab your ass to keep you in place"

Jacob sighs "That's the reason why I'm not sure I want to have kids" I nod in agreement

"So, wanna talk?" I go straight to the point

"That eager, huh?" he raises one of his eyebrows in that sexy way of his

"I've been waiting for years, so yeah, that eager" I shrug

"Why don't we sit down, first" he says as he motions for me to sit, when I do as he asks, he sits right behind me, caving me between his giant legs with his arms circling my waist. His proximity makes my whole body tingle but I decide to ignore the butterflies fiesta happening in my belly.

"After my parents' accident" he starts "I experienced loss for the first time"

"Your mom" I say sadly

"Yeah, but what you ignore is that I lost my father that day too" I gasp, but he ignores my reaction and carries on "He…" his voices is shaking now "He was never able to overcome my mother's death and his disability, so he decided to drown his sorrow in alcohol" he pauses to let his words sink in "Every day, he would drink more than the previous day, until he's become addicted. My life became a mess, Nessie. I was in so much pain, that I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I didn't want to lose anybody I loved again. I was a coward, I know. But, I was hurting and grieving. You made me feel and I didn't want to feel anymore, I was scared from the pain losing you would inflict on me, so I ran away from you"

"Why did you think that?" my voice is alien even to me. I'm fighting the tears that are building in my eyes

He hesitates before answering my question "I thought you'd leave me someday, because I wasn't good enough for you"

I turn to face him, needing to see his face while he speaks "It was my decision to make, not yours" I whisper yell at him, anger and pain eating at me "I would have stayed, no matter what"

"Until when, Nessie? I'm not sure I can ever offer you the life you deserve" his voice is filled with pain and sorrow

"And which life is that, exactly?" I'm furious but I can't help the tears that are streaking down my face.

He reached with his thumb to wipe one of them "My family is not loaded. I don't…"

I cut him off unable to take it anymore "I don't care about money, Jake. I don't care about big houses, fancy cars, designer clothes. I've had all of them these past years and they didn't prevent me from being miserable" I hug him so tightly, I think I might break him "I was miserable without you, Jake" I sob in his arms

"I was miserable without you, Baby" he murmurs in a strangled voice

%%%

A/N: Dear readers, hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'd be really happy to read your feedback. Xx. Shino87


	13. Chapter 13

**Jacob**

When Nessie said she wanted to know why I pulled away from her, I wasn't planning on telling her everything. Yet, here I am, exposing my insecurities and deepest fears. Her reaction though, brought back feelings I've spent years trying to suppress. Feelings that scare the shit out of me, but I'm not running away from her this time, no matter how overwhelming my emotions are.

Telling her the truth finally, feels liberating.

She's always been the center of my world, even when I acted like I didn't give a damn. I observed her every move, in high school. Keeping the boys away from her was the difficult part. She was extremely beautiful and many bastards tried to make a move on her, so, I threatened most of them, word spread and she lost her appeal to them.

Patrick, the guy who asked her to prom night, decided to ignore my threat and asked her anyway, well and the rest is history.

Nessie's sobs broke my heart, luckily she stopped crying and now she's just lying her head on my shoulder, while I hold her tightly, running my hand up and down her arm in a soothing caress.

"What happens now?" she finally breaks the silence, not looking into my eyes

I breathe in her hair "Whatever you want, Baby" I'm following her pace, regardless of what I want

Her finger is drawing circles on my shirt "I don't know what I want" she admits in a barely audible voice "I mean, I want you in my life. That's for sure, but, other than that…"

I lift her chin with two fingers so that she looks me in the eyes "It's fine, Nessie. We'll take baby steps"

She nods in a daze "Baby steps. Yes"

I smile at her before kissing her forehand "Should we go look for Candace and Landon? We haven't heard or seen them in a while. I'm starting to worry"

Nessie jumps to her feet instantly "Oh my god, what if he killed her"

I stand up as well brushing the sand from my shorts "I think Candace is more likely to kill him" I laugh "The girl is a Ninja"

Nessie rolls her eyes

"What? She did a full-contact sport back in high school. What was it again?" Knowing damn well what it was, but I just wanted to lighten the mood

"Kick boxing" Nessie answers

"Right"

Nessie shifts her attention to Kelcey and Sean who were sitting right beside us, engulfed in their own bubble "Hey guys, did you see Candace and Landon?"

"Last I saw them, Landon was chatting with Diana Attkins" Sean shrugs

Kelcey cuts him off "More like flirting" she rolls her eyes

"That's good news" I hiss "At least we know they're not at each other's throat"

"Yeah, but I should go look for Candace. I came here with her. I don't want to ditch her for some guy" She winks at me

"Hey, I'm not just some guy" I yell in fake hurt

She laughs "Ok, if it makes you sleep better at night"

She shrieks when I scoop her from the ground and tickle her

"Stop it" she yells with hysterical laughter

"Not until you admit I'm not just some guy" I murmur in her ear

"Ok ok, I surrender" her breathing is labored "You are not just some guy" she strokes my hair with her right hand

"Damn right. I'm awesome" I tease

"You have your moments" she bites her lower lip, fighting a smile and I want to kiss her but I know it's too soon. Baby steps. I need to keep that in mind

Just as I'm about to say something, I spot Landon behind her back "Hey bro" I greet him "Did you see Candace?"

"Yeah, about 10 minutes ago. She was with a former classmate. She said his name was Cobey or Cody"

"Colby?" Nessie asks, eyebrows furrowed

"Yeah, that's his name"

"What is it Nessie" I ask her. Her voice was laced with worry and it didn't skip my attention

She hesitates "It's just…weird. Colby is her ex and they broke up in very bad terms"

"Well, she seemed to have fun" Landon shrugs "Maybe she abused a bit on schnnaps but other than that, she looked alright"

Nessie becomes instantly alert "What do you mean 'abused on Shnnaps'?"

Landon looks warily at both of us "She seemed a bit tipsy, but nothing to worry about"

"Oh my god, we need to find her" Nessie starts moving

I grab her arm to stop her "Hey, he said she was just tipsy"

She glares at me "You don't get it, Jake. Candace never drinks" she looks at Landon as well "Trust me, we need to find her"

"Mothefucker" I hear Landon mutter under his breath

"Everything fine here?" Sean joins us, probably noticing our serious faces

"We need to find Candace" Nessie hisses, but Landon is already on his way. We all follow him seeing he was the last one who spotted her. However, she's nowhere in sight. We decide to split into three groups. Me and Nessie, Kelcey and Sean and finally Landon.

"Hey, we'll find her" I tell Nessie when I notice her distress. She nods absently. Her face brightens when she sees a short cubby guy I remember from school

"Howard" she greets him

"Oh, hey Charlie. Long time no see" he says happily

"Yeah, umm, did you see Candace?"

The guy looks a bit disappointed by her question "No"

Her enthusiasm falters "How about Colby?"

He nods "Yeah. I think I saw him walk towards the cliff"

"Great. Thanks Howard" we leave before he has the time to answer

I text quickly Sean and Landon to let them know

As we approach the cliff, we hear laughter and giggles. I'd say there's a group of at least four people.

"Candace" Nessie runs to her when she finally sees her. I on the other hand examine the scene before me. There's about four guys and three girls including Candace, all of which look a little drunk. Bottles of beer are splayed everywhere. The girls are dancing in the middle of the group, while one of the guys is playing the guitar.

Candace looks completely wasted. She's just sitting on the ground, eyes glazed. Completely oblivious to what's happening around her.

"Candace look at me" Nessie shakes her, but her best friend doesn't react

"Hey, leave her alone" a guy with long blond hair shoves Nessie and my patience reaches its limit

"Get lost, Colby" she shouts

"You don't touch her, son of a bitch" I push him hard making him stumble. His friends rise from their seats sending me threatening glares, but I don't care, the rush of adrenaline makes me fearless

"Do you have a death wish" one of the bastards asks

"Oh my god, Candace" Kelcey joins the girls

"Get her out of here" Sean orders his girlfriend

The girls help Candace to her feet. As soon as they are out of sight, I jump to the blond guy's throat "What did you do to her?"

His friends rush to his help but Sean and Landon block them

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you" Sean says in a low threatening tone

"What do you have here?" Landon asks nonchalantly, but I know my friend enough, to figure he's using a huge amount of restraint right now "Underage drinking, weed and I bet my Porsche I'd find worst in your pockets" he takes a step forward "Now, you have two options. Get the hell out of here, or I'll call the police"

The guys retreat immediately.

"We just wanted to have fun" the guy I guess is Colby answers terrified while I hold him from his collar

"What did you do to her? It shouldn't be difficult to answer that simple question" I scowl adding some pressure to my hold

"Exctasy" he holds his hands before him "I just wanted to have fun. No harm done…She's always so stiff…She always refuses to drink, so…so…"

"Fuck" I lose it. I'm going to kill the guy, but Landon stops me

"Move, Jake. He's not worth it"

I hesitate a moment, but I do what he asks me to do. To my utter shock, Landon reaches for the guy and punches him so hard, his nose bleeds "If you do so much as approach her…Or any other girl; I'll make it my personal goal to convert your life into hell"

"Now we can leave" Landon informs us as he heads towards the girls who are waiting for us in Candace's car

"How is she?" I ask

"I think he slipped a pill in her soda. She didn't drink much of it, because the cup was half filled when we reached her, which is good news" Nessie says, apparently understanding what happened

"We gave her some water to avoid dehydration. She passed out, though" Kelcey adds

Landon runs a hand in his hair "We should take her to the hospital"

"No, I'll take care of her. She's going to be fine" Nessie says quickly "Her mother would know about it if she goes to the hospital, she would go crazy"

"She'd rather go crazy with her daughter alive and healthy" Landon snaps

"Hey" I put my hand on his shoulder, but he brushes me off

Nessie smiles at him softly "She's not in any danger. I've already checked her vitals. She's going to be fine"

Landon swallows

Nessie walks to me "Can we have a word?"

"Sure" we walk few steps away from the group

"Thanks for your help, Jake. I'm going to leave now, but you should talk to Landon. I don't want him to feel guilty"

"I'll take care of that. Call me when you get home" I hug her tenderly

%%%

When we get home, Landon helps himself in my father's stock of beers and heads to the backyard. I go sit next to him

"Want to talk?"

"No" he says angrily

"You couldn't know"

"I said I didn't want to talk, Jake" he sighs

"I know. That's why I'm the one to talk"

He drops his shoulders "What would have happened if Charlie didn't ask about her?"

"I don't know. But, we arrived right on time. You should stop thinking about that" I laugh "Man, I didn't know you liked her that much"

He glares at me "Fuck you. You were ready to kill the guy, should I suspect your intentions as well?"

I laugh harder this time "That's right. You're such a good guy, Landon"

"And you're a pussy, Jake. Now, cut the crab, would you?" he says lightheartedly

%%%

A/N: Dear readers, sorry it took me so long to write a new chapter. Wish you a happy new year and lots of good things for 2016. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to share your thoughts about it. Xx. Shino87


	14. Chapter 14

**Charlie/Nessie**

Not wanting to worry my parents or Candace's, we both end up spending the night at Kelcey's. With her family being absent, it would be easier not to attract unnecessary attention. I'm not sure how I'd react if I run into Colby someday. God, I want to hurt him so bad.

Candace's condition has stabilized for the past hour, but Kelcey and I are still watching her.

"Here" Kelcey places a mug of coffee in my hand while I'm curled up in one of her plush chairs. She sits by the window on my left, while our friend is passed out on the bed in front of us.

"Have you called your parents?" she ask me

"Yeah, I texted Mom earlier to let her know we were spending the night here" Candace was supposed to sleep over but we had to change our plans after tonight's events

Kelcey nods. She gazes through the window, still shocked after what happened. Geez, I think the only reason I'm keeping my shit together right now is because I have to be focused for my best friend

"It's really convenient for your parents to be out of town, tonight" I try to get her attention away from this whole mess

"They rarely are at home" she breathes, not meeting my eyes

"I've always envied your freedom, you know" I laugh "I mean your parents are always out of town"

She looks stunned by my revelation "You've got to be kidding me. I'd rather have parents on my back all the time because they care, then this" she motions around her. She hesitates a moment before adding "They avoid this house like it has leper…they haven't stayed together in the same place in years"

"But I thought…"

She cuts me off "It's what they want people to believe, but the truth is that they hate each other. They have built new lives separately and when they come to Forks they pretend for few days to be a happy family"

"I'm sorry" I had no idea

She lifts her shoulders "It's fine. I'm just worried about Kevin. They sent him to boarding school in New York. I mean, could you believe that? My little brother is 15, Charlie. He shouldn't be away from his family"

"Why isn't he here for summer break?"

She laughs humorlessly "My mother suggested he spends some quality time with my father in his office in Seattle"

At that moment, Candace starts moving and screaming in bed. We both run to her

"Calm down sweety, it's just a bad dream" Kelcey strokes her hair while I help her sit up and drink the glass of water that we left earlier on her bedside table.

"Where…why am I here?" Candace is disoriented and breathless

"It's alright. We are in Kelcey's room" her pupils are moving too fast and her whole body is shivering. With the drug still in her system, the effect hasn't worn down completely yet.

"Shhhh…go back to sleep, now" I murmur softly, she's too dizzy to argue and passes out quickly afterwards

"I wonder if she's had one of those nightmares she used to have in high school" Kelcey scowls when we leave the room

"What do you mean?" I ask all confused

Kelcey knits her eyebrows "You haven't noticed?"

When my expression remains blank, she carries on "It started in junior high, I guess. Remember how we used to go out of town for Volley ball competitions? We always shared the same hotel room…she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying…It was…I don't know…Kind of dreadful and creepy…Charlie, I think something happened to her right before junior year"

I let Kelcey's words register in my head as I let myself fall on the living room couch. Candace stopped spending nights in my house around that time. When I came back this summer, It was the first time in a while that she slept over, but she hadn't had any nightmares…at least, none that I was aware of. However, I can't deny the small changes I've noticed in her behavior back then.

"I don't know about the nightmares, but, she did act strange back in junior year…she was all jumpy and secluded for a while" I admit

Kelcey sighs beside me "I tried to talk about it, but she wouldn't say a word. I thought you of all people would know what happened"

I shake my head "No. She always brushes me off when I ask her, so I decided to let her come talk to me when she's ready"

"I guess we don't have any other option, do we" a beautiful smile replaces Kelcey's earlier frown "So, you and Jacob?"

I can't help but smile as well "What about me and Jacob?"

She punches me lightly on the shoulder "Come on C, you know what I'm talking about. I saw you earlier"

I blush a little "We're trying to work things out"

"Are you a couple or something?"

"Whoa! definitely not. It's…too soon to give it a label…" I'm not sure how to put into words how I feel about us "He hurt me a lot, Kels and I'm not sure I'm ready to neither forgive him nor forget what happened. For the past year, I thought we were done for good…I can't believe I've agreed to give him another chance. He left me at my lowest and just when I thought I recovered, he came back"

Kelcey surprises me with a question I've tried to ignore for a while "Do you still love him?"

It takes me a full minute to answer "I never stopped…just how pathetic is that, huh?" I give her a smile that doesn't reach my eyes

"Oh, sweety, being in love is not pathetic. He is lucky to have someone love him this much" Kelcey hugs me "For what it's worth, I think he loves you just as much, Charlie, but where women crave love, men are scared of it"

%%%

"I'm going to kill him" Candace groans when we tell her what happened during the bonfire night. She doesn't remember much of it and I'm thankful for that. At first, she looked terrified until we assured her he didn't physically assault her.

All three of us are sitting in the kitchen, drinking big cups of coffee

"The boys already took care of him" Kelcey laughs "You should have seen that, Sean, Jake and Landon looked really sexy… and pissed of course"

Candace knits her brows in confusion "Landon was there? I mean, I know he was at the bonfire, but…"

"He punched Colby so hard, I thought he broke his nose" Kelcey adds "For a moment there, he went all hulk on him" Kelcey explains to a very surprised Candy

My phone buzzes beside me "It's Jake" I say

 _Door, now_

Well, that's a hell of a short text, I smile to myself as I stand on my feet

"Tell him I'm grateful for his help" Candace murmurs shyly

I go towards the door "You can do it yourself, he's here"

"What?" She glares at me, clearly expecting me to admit it's a joke, but I don't

I don't think I'll ever get used to Jake's beauty. My heart does a somersault whenever I see him. He's so gorgeous. Today, he's wearing a faded pair of blue jeans and a white Henley that draws every muscle of his upper body. Before such perfection, I feel a little self conscious for wearing the same dress as yesterday, which now has wrinkles everywhere…errrg

His deep voice brings me back to reality "Morning"

"Morning" I open the door wider to give him access to the house

"How is she today?" Jake is referring to Candace. He's been texting me every two hours to check on her the whole night. He's so frigging adorable when he lets his guard down.

I lead the way to the kitchen "Angry, upset, scared…but, physically fine. I think the drug has mostly worn down"

He nods and shuffles his hands in his pockets

"Hey Jake" Kelcey is the first one to greet him when he enters the kitchen, while Candace looks uncomfortable and shy. I don't understand this reaction

Jacob lies against the door frame and scrutinizes my best friend, in an attempt to decipher her behavior "Kelcey, Candace"

"Hi" Candace answers in this one simple syllable, but her voice carries so much emotion

Kelcey jumps to her feet "I promised Sean to call him first thing in the morning, later guys"

Jacob takes Kelcey's empty chair, beside Candy "Hey, look at me" he orders her and she lifts her eyes slowly "Nothing bad happened, we got there on time and it wasn't your fault"

"I know…I know" she nods. Her intertwined hands rest on her lap

"It's good that you know it, but, you have to be convinced of it" Jake insists

I've never seen Candace anything other than strong and badass, but, right now, it's a new Candace that I have before me. She's vulnerable, shy and scared and deep down I know for sure yesterday's events are not the only reason behind her reaction.

Kelcey's words echo in my head

 _Charlie, I think something happened to her right before junior year_

What happened yesterday must have brought back bad memories to the surface. Whatever it is, I can't push her too hard to open up about it. I'll wait, until she's ready to talk.

"I will" she smiles sadly at Jake "Thank you"

Jake nods and stands up "I have to go. I need to open the garage. See you later, girls"

"I'll walk you out" I say quickly, in the hopes of having a moment alone with Jake. My heart is beating so hard that I'm surprised nobody hears it. We walk silently down the hall. When we reach the door, I finally dare say "When will I see you again?"

"Already miss me?" he chuckles

I roll my eyes. What a jackass

A sexy, confident Jackass

However, I must admit he's right. I always miss him. He submerges everyone of my thoughts. I Crave his touch. Dream of his velvety voice and the most pathetic part is that I want him all to myself.

He tilts his head until our lips are barely an inch apart "You can see me whenever you want" he murmurs against my lip, and when I think he's about to finally kiss me, he only places a light kiss on the corner of my lips. Leaving me frustrated and craving him even more.

I close the door and lean my back against it "I love Jacob Black"

I hear both Kelcey and Candace yell from the kitchen "We already know"

"You have my approval, kiddo. The guy's so hot, the temperature rises whenever we're in the same room" Kelcey adds

"Hell yeah" Candace laughs

%%%

A/N: I really wanted to post this chapter sooner, but I was a bit sick the past few days. Hope you'll enjoy that one. Let me know what you think. Xx. Shino87


	15. Chapter 15

**Jacob**

When I was 16, a senior named Carla asked me out. Of course, it wasn't the first time it happened. As my features and body started to morph from those of a preteen into those of a young adult, I could see the way people looked at me shifting, especially girls.

One day I was Jacob Black, the guy with Native American origins and the next one I was called Hot, Sexy and all kinds of adjectives that would describe my attractiveness to the other sex.

Some girls would slip notes in my locker, or write my name and circle it with a fucking heart. I was flattered most of the time, but sometimes it was disturbing and it especially bothered me whenever I'd be talking to Nessie or simply having lunch with her in the school cafeteria and a girl would come ask me out, completely ignoring my best friend beside me.

Yeah. We might have repeated continuously that we were only best friends and nothing in our behavior led anybody to think we were romantically involved, but what I had with her was beyond anything another girl could offer me… except maybe a hookup…I sound like a douche, but let me tell you a truth, growing into a man means having a new kind of needs and desires and, no matter how hard you try to suppress them, they always end up flooding your mind and causing your body to have a reaction of its own.

So, until I figured out how to tell Nessie I wanted more than friendship, I would wake up with a painful boner every morning, jerk off in front of the bathroom tile while imagining how I'd fuck my best friend in every possible way…Fun life, isn't it

"What's wrong with you dude? If I didn't know you better, I'd think you're into guys" Embry scowls beside me while we sit at our usual lunch table in the school cafeteria.

"What are you talking about?" Nessie puts her tray on the table and sits in front of me

I wince as Embry starts telling her about Carla "So, there's this really hot girl who asked Jake out"

Nessie pretends to be fascinated by her sandwich. I know for a fact that she does it, when she doesn't want me to read her emotions. Too bad for her, I know her like my pocket "And what did you say?"

"No" my eyes are fixed on her

"Why? You don't like her?" she asks nonchalantly and for some reason it irritates me

"She's hot" I shrug

Nessie stiffens in front of me, then looks at me with an expression filled with challenge "Is she? then you should have accepted"

"We have plans for tonight, remember" I lift my eyebrows. We scheduled a Quentin Tarantino night.

"Actually, there's this guy in my class who asked me to tutor him, so…"

"So?" I ask knowing damn well where she's headed

"So, go out with this girl" she never meets my eyes when she says this

I grit my teeth together "Fine"

"I knew you'd talk some sense into him" Embry hisses triumphantly

Carla, whose last name I never remembered, was nice and the date wasn't that bad, but I spent the whole time thinking of Nessie and how badly I wanted to be with her instead.

When the date comes finally to an end. I feel actually relieved. While I'm driving Carla home, she asks me abruptly to bring the car to a stop.

"We're in the middle of nowhere, Carla"

She unfastens her seat belt and starts trailing kisses down my neck "I had fun tonight" she says in what she thinks is a sultry voice. Her hand reaches my crotch and starts massaging me.

"Whoa, what the fuck?" I try to put some distance between us but it's almost impossible in this confined space of the car

"You want it as much as I do" She smiles, her hand never stopping and although my mind is screaming at me to stop her, my body has a mind of its own.

It wasn't Carla's first time, but it was mine

The next day, everybody in school knew about it. Apparently, Carla made a bet with her friends that she could do me after one date only and I hate to admit it but she won. She posted a tweet about it "Car intercourse with High school Hotty, JB" that's exactly what she wrote. I knew some girls were trying desperately to be the first ones to score with me, it wasn't a big secret around here.

The news went viral, which meant Nessie heard about it.

"Man, you get to tell me all the juicy details" Embry chuckles beside me when I reach my locker after my last period

"Hey" Candace yells at me "Is it true?"

I keep my back to her "None of your business"

"You hurt my best friend, that's definitely my business, asshat" she points her finger at me when I turn to face her

I've tried to talk to her the whole morning but she kept avoiding me and she doesn't reply to my texts. I would have told her about it, but I didn't expect her to learn about it this way.

Motherfucker. How am I gonna solve this mess?

I called Nessie's house after she switched off her phone "Hi Mrs Cullen, is Nessie there"

"Hi, sweetheart. No, she's at my father's house. She's spending the night there" Nessie's mom tells me

"Ok. Bye" I hung up quickly. Take my car keys and drive to Mr Swan's house. It's not far from where I live, so it takes me less than 10 minutes to reach the place.

The sky is pitch black, but I can see a dim light coming from Nessie's room. Her grandfather kept his daughter's room and Nessie uses it whenever she sleeps over.

I pick some small rocks from the ground and throw them at her window which she opens after the fifth throw "What do you want?" she whisper yells at me

"I wanna talk"

She sighs "Not now" she looks behind her "Charlie might hear you"

"Then let me come in" I prompt her, but I don't give her time to answer as I climb the tree that leads to her window. I slip quickly through it and close it behind me. Nessie crosses her arms over her chest.

"What do you want to talk about?" she pouts

"I'm sorry"

She looks away from me "You don't owe me anything, we're juts friends"

"Yes, I do…you are my best friend" I reach for her and bring her to my chest, she resists a little, then gives up and puts her head against my chest.

What feels like forever later she finally says "Was it good"

I stiffen

She lifts her eyes "Was it good, Jake?"

"It was rushed and not what I imagined" I admit

"What did you imagine?" her eyes scrutinize me

I debate whether to be honest or pick the easy escape, but I owe her the truth "I imagined it would be with you" I whisper

She nods and tightens her hold around my waist. I see hurt in her eyes and it breaks my heart. She brings her lips to my ear "Did you think of me when you were with her?"

I don't hesitate to answer "Never stopped"

"I know I said you don't owe me anything and I was the one to encourage going on that date, but…" she starts but I put my finger on her lips to stop her

"I don't want to be with anyone but you" we look into each other's eyes some more

"Want to spend the night here?" she asks out of the blue

"Err…Yeah…Where can I get a blanket?" I ask

"We'll share mine" she takes my hand and leads me to the bed. When she first asked me to stay, I thought she meant I'd sleep on the floor. I remove my shoes and my shirt, I keep the jeans though. I don't want her to think I have anything on my mind…Hell, it's going to be a long night.

She settles on the bed and I follow her. She rests her head on my chest "Good night, Jake"

I kiss her forehead "Night, Nessie"

It was the first time I spent the night in Nessie's bed, but not the last time. We never talked again about what we said to each other that night. Not long after, my mom died

%%%

 **Present days**

My muscles are sore. Every cell in my body hurts. I've had one of those long days in the garage. Summer season means lots of tourists and a shitload of work. I'm not complaining though, it pays the bills…and my father's great amount of alcoholic beverages as well.

Landon finally gets in the passenger seat of my old truck. His hands are tucked in his jeans pockets. He's wearing a green hoodie and aviators

"Who are you hiding from?" I ask suspiciously

"Why do you think I'm hiding from anybody?" he snorts

I raise an eyebrow "How about because you are wearing sunglasses and your head is covered"

"So?" he asks

"It's dark outside and the temperatures are fucking blazing"

He sighs in defeat "Last night's hookup ended up being a stalker"

"Diana Attkins?" I laugh

"Man, she's completely nuts. She's sent me like 30 texts to tell me I'm the man of her dreams and called me about 13 times…She even threatened to come check on me at your place"

"Check on you?"

"I might or might not have told her I had the flue" he groans "Shit. I even told her I only slept with her because I was upset with my girl, which comes first on the Douche list, but she won't give up"

"If you let her see the real you, I'm sure she'll run away faster than Flash Gordon" I tease

"Fuck you, Jake. Some friend you are" he glares at me "Anyways, where are we going?"

"We're meeting Nessie and her friends at Dela's dinner. They make the best burgers in town" I inform him "And just so you know, you attract even more attention with this attire"

When we reach Dela's dinner, Nessie and Candace are already there, sitting in one side of the booth with Sean and Kelcey in front of them.

"Hey" I greet them

Candace stands up to let me sit between her and Nessie, which ends up with her sitting right in front of Landon, who's beside Kelcey and Sean.

"Hey gorgeous" I place a soft kiss on Nessie's cheek earning a beautiful smile from her. She looks stunning in jean shorts and a white shirt.

"What's with the hoodie?" Candace narrows her eyes at Landon

"What's with the sick Ex?" he counters

At that very moment, Diana Attkins appears at our table with a notepad in her hand. I feel guilty for not telling him that Diana works here, but I wanted to see his face when he discovers it.

"Landon?" she gasps

Landon pales "Shit"

"I thought you were sick?" she accuses him

"I…am, but I promised my girl to take her out for her birthday" he says cheerfully

She lifts her eyebrows "Your girl?"

He looks quickly around the table. Kelcey on his right mouths "sorry", then he turns his attention on Nessie, but I'm the one the shake my head this time. Finally, his eyes land on Candace who's so engrossed with a fish game on her mobile that she has no idea what just happened.

Landon reaches quickly for Candace's hand startling her "Right Muffin?" he gives her his trademark smile which has girls swoon in general, but Candace must be immune to his charm. She takes her hand back like he's juts burnt her and glares at him "What the fuck?"

"Hey, Diana. The order for table 3 is ready" someone calls

"I'll be right back" Diana states

When she's out of sight, Landon speaks quickly "Ten bucks if you play along"

"Why would I help you?" Candace puts her arms on the table and leans closer to Landon who mimics her "Because I saved your virtue, little girl" he answers in a serous tone

She snorts "What are we? The eighteens century? This is not a Jane Austen novel, _Muffin"_ she emphasizes on the last word "Make it a hundred and I might consider your offer" she pretends to scan her nails

"What are you? A hooker?" he gasps

"The clock is ticking, buddy and Diana is coming this way. Maybe it's time to make a better offer" Sean intervenes

"Ok ok. Just help me get rid of her" he prompts

"Money first" she extends her hand "I don't trust you" he gives her the money reluctantly

"We're ready to order" Landon informs Diana way too happily

"We're not done yet" Diana looks between Candace and Landon

"Honey bun, why do I get the feeling you two are hiding something from me?" Candace asks and it takes all my strength not to laugh

"I would never, lollipop" he strokes her hand some more

Diana taps her foot on the floor "Well, your boyfriend here slept with me last night"

Candace puts her hand on her heart in fake hurt "You did not, chocolate dough"

"Yes, he did and he wasn't even a good lay" Diana flares

"Oh come-on, you had like three orgasms and moaned so hard I'm sure you woke up the dead" Landon hisses

I clear my throat "Not the point, bro"

"Oh right" he looks at Candace expectantly who is trying desperately to hide a smile. Damn it, the girl has something on her mind

"I told you I'd be there for you, Sugar bunny, why did you do this?" she pretends to wipe a nonexistent tear "The doctor said it would heal eventually, but you know it's highly contagious. He was clear about it, No sex"

Landon looks like he's about to faint "Wh.."

Diana cuts him off "What do you mean?"

Candace looks apagogically at our waitress "You should schedule a doctor appointment, Honey. ASAP"

Diana literally runs away

My best friend looks like he's about to strangle Candace "What the hell is wrong with you?" he yells

"You said you wanted me to help you get rid of her and it's exactly what I did" she smiles sheepishly

"What's with you and your food fetish, anyway" Kelcey wonders

I place my arm around Nessie's shoulder "Do you mind if I call you Applepie?"

"Not at all, sweet potato" Nessie laughs

%%%

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Hit the review section below to let me know what you thought of it :) Xx. Shino87


	16. Chapter 16

**Charlie/Nessie**

When Jake lost his virginity to Carla Rivers, a senior in our school, I felt both hurt and betrayed. He knew damn well that I wanted my first time to be with him, I told him so myself few years ago and deep down, I expected him to wait for me…how naïve of me, he was a hormonal teenager, just like any other kid our age. One can only imagine my shock when Carla's tweet was forwarded to me.

For most people around us, Jake and I were the inseparable childhood friends, nothing more and nothing less. Little did they know that I never regarded him as just a friend. As we started growing up, Jake was no longer the cute little boy I met in first grade. He was quickly turning into a very handsome guy. He had the body of an athlete and the face of a model. It was a sin to look this hot.

The weird part is that my heart and mind weren't the only things that Jacob Black owned, my body as well started to crave him. Suddenly, I started to desire him physically as well. I would make up excuses just to touch him or brush against him and boy did it feel good.

After I learnt about him and Carla, I was so angry that I decided to avoid him the whole day. I went to my grandfather's Charlie place, afraid he'd come to my house looking for me. But, Jake has always been resourceful. He sneaked through my window and even though I was upset, I knew he meant it when he said he would rather it was me. Jake would never lie to me. I trusted him more that anybody.

Part of me wondered if things would be different if I told him how I felt about him

That night I asked Jake to sleep in my bed because I wanted him to be mine, only mine. I wanted to sleep in his arms and wake up with him beside me. I could never have enough of him. We never spoke about that night or the ones that followed, as we made it our weekend ritual to sleep in my bed, in Charlie's house.

We were taking a huge risk. I'm sure that if we got caught my Grandfather, my father and my uncle Emmett would inflict a slow painful death on Jacob, but he always said I was worth the risk.

 **Present days**

Jake has his arm around my shoulder and the proximity causes all the insects of the world to throw a wild party in my stomach. My hands are sweating, my heart is dancing and my legs are shaking. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you already love?

It sounds crazy, but, for the past few days, it feels like I'm falling for him all over again.

"Nessie, you ok?" Jacob looks worried "You barely touched your burger"

Shit. He noticed. What am I gonna do, now?

"Err…I'm not very hungry" Which technically is not a lie, because I don't feel hungry anymore

"Baby, you're sweating and shaking. I think you're sick" He puts his hand on my forehead to check my temperature

I brush his hand away "I'm fine, Jake. Please stop"

He looks at me few more seconds then finally drops it

"Well, I think Diana will never bother you again" Kelcey sighs beside Landon

Sean shakes his head laughing "Thanks to Candace, I don't think any chick would come near you again, dude"

"Yeah, thank you Candace" Landon says bitterly. I swear he looks like he wants to throw my best friend through the window

Candace pretends to smell the hundred dollars bill "My pleasure" her sweet smile makes him cringe even more

Landon lies against the booth "So, why did your Ex drug you?" He looks so relaxed that you would think he simply asked Candace why she prefers cheese to cheddar

My best friend looks equally composed when she answers "I made him cry in front of his friends, back in high school"

I remember that moment. It was memorable. Candace kicked Colby hard in the balls. He fell to his knees and cried like a little girl. The whole school talked about it nonstop for at least a week.

Landon raises an eyebrow –I must admit the guy is a total knock out- there's a ghost of a smile on his lips "What did he do?"

"You should rephrase and ask me why I did it" Candace replies

"That would imply I doubt your judgment, which I don't" he leans forward and joins his hands together on the table.

Candace scrutinizes his face for few more seconds. She doesn't talk about her high school ex a lot, nor does she talk about the rumors he spread about her, so I'm highly surprised when she tells Landon "He called me a frigid bitch" her face is expressionless, but I can see she's gauging Landon's reaction. As if she's trying to read his thoughts

"Damn. You have very low standards when it comes to men" he shrugs

"That's all you have to say?" my friend looks a bit irritated "You met only one of my exes and you think you know it all"

He gives her a full blasting smile "Here's the thing, little girl. You haven't had that many guys in your life. You flirt and you run as soon as the guy seems too interested. You always keep physical space between you and the guy you flirt with, you set the rules and the boundaries. You act all strong and badass, but deep down you're still a scared little girl whose parents dictate every move"

"Landon" Jake warns

"I can handle myself" Candace's eyes never leave Landon's who's trying to push her as far as he can "You don't know the first thing about me Landon Grimes"

He gives her a satisfied smile "I'm a good at reading people, Candace Benedict Cheney"

"How do you know…" Candace looks stunned

"Your full name? Jake's year book" he says triumphantly "I like your middle name by the way" he winks at her "Reminds of my grandma"

My best friend tries to look even-tempered but I know her well enough to figure it's just an act. She must be boiling inside and the only reason that I haven't intervened yet, is because she'd see it as a weakness on her part "I see you did your homework, watermelon. What are you going to tell me next? That I shouldn't be with a boy because I deserve a man like you?"

"No offense Pumpkin, but you're not my type" he shrugs "However, I do have an extra piece of information for you" all trace of amusement disappears from his face "Being frigid is a myth created by assholes who have no idea how to please a girl"

"I have to agree with that" Sean states apagogically at Candace

"He's right Candace" Jake chimes in beside me "Some jerks take it for a personal insult when a girl doesn't enjoy sex with them, that's why sometimes they throw the blame on her"

Jake knows about the rumors in school. Hell, everybody knew, but Candace refused to throw herself a self pity party back then. She never looked depressed or affected by the rumors.

Candace looks around the table "Did I give you the impression that I cared about what Colby said?" she smiles "Thanks guys but no need for that, I don't give a damn to what men think of me" she turns her attention on Landon "And Landon, you're not my type either, no matter how low my standards are, I haven't reached my lowest yet" she winks at him

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of your banter" Kelcey squeaks

I laugh "That makes two of us" Candace doesn't find it as funny though, when she sends us a death glare

We part ways after we finally finish our meals, not that I have eaten much. Jacob walks me to my father's Volvo.

"What a night, huh?" I smile at Jake who's leaning against the passenger door of the Volvo. I feel nervous all of a sudden. My heart is pounding very fast

He reaches for me and brings me to him while holding my waist. His smell invades me instantly. Does he know what his fragrance does to me? God. I'm so screwed

"Tell me what's going on" he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Only few inches separate us

"Nothing" I shrug not meeting his eyes

He lifts my chin so that I look into his beautiful amber eyes "Did I do something wrong?" he asks

"No" I'm quick to say "It's just…this whole situation is still new" This is not entirely a lie, I'm still adjusting to our post-apocalyptic relationship

He strokes my cheek "Hey, I promise not to hurt you, baby"

I smile sadly at him "Maybe not on purpose"

His stare hardens "Let's go someplace I want to show you"

"Landon is waiting for you in the car" I protest

"Hey Landon" Jacob yells in his friend's direction who's leaning against the car, checking his mobile phone "Grab these" he throws his keys to him "You can go first"

Landon nods and waves goodbye

"I'm driving" he says as he opens the passenger door for me

"Where are you taking me?" I ask

It's already late, the road is empty. Jacob is driving quite fast, but I know I'm safe with him "We're going to La Push"

Once we get there, he parks the car and walks me to a small creek I had never noticed before. It's so beautiful and secluded from the rest of the beach.

"Wow" I say in amazement

Jake looks in the never ending sky "After my mom died, I used to come here a lot. I would simply sit and think" he sits down and I join him. Except for the waves crushing against the rocks, it's completely still.

He turns his sad eyes on me "I had just lost my mom, my dad was a mess and …you gave up on me"

"I…" I start but he cuts me off

"I'm not blaming you. Fuck, I was the one pushing you away, I mean what did I expect really?" he laughs humorlessly "The point is, I was aching so much, that I couldn't handle my life anymore. I was turning into someone else, someone I didn't like. This place became my escape...sort of a sanctuary. Meditating here helped me get rid of the dark thoughts that were ruining me" his eyes shift back to the sea "I miss her so much. I wonder what she thinks of what I've become" he runs a hand in his hair, his voice is shaking "Shit. She must be disappointed. I failed her, I failed my dad and I failed you"

I reach for his hand, my chest is hurting and there's a huge lump in my throat "No, Jake. She must be proud of you. She raised a good man. Being human, means doing mistakes along the path to adulthood and you are brave enough to try to repair them"

Jake swallows not meeting my eyes, so I jump on his lap and hold his face with both my hands to force him to look at me "Jacob Black, I am proud of the man you've become"

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Nessie Cullen" Pain contorts his beautiful face

I put my forehead on his "I'm sorry I gave up on you, Jacob Black"

And just like that, I have the answer to my question. Yes, one can fall in love with a person they already love all over again and as long as Jacob is beside me, I know I will fall deeper for him every day of my life.

%%%

A/N: Hi everyone, I'd like to thank all of you for following this story and for posting reviews, it really makes me happy. So, some of you have been asking if I plan on adding Candace and Landon's POV's and the answer is Yes, I'm just waiting for the right moment to introduce them. I'm really glad to see your growing interest in these two. Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Xx. Shino87


	17. Chapter 17

**Jacob**

When I was 5 years old, Harry Clearwater, the husband of my mom's best friend Sue died of a heart attack. It was the very first time I was confronted to death within my inner circle. This sad event arose so many interrogations in my mind. What happened after death? Nothingness? What do we become? Errand souls?

Was there an afterlife like so many ancients of my mother's tribe, the Quileute liked to point out?

I can still remember the devastation I saw in the eyes of the Clearwater family. The cries, the pain, the anguish.

"Mom" I whispered as my mother put me in bed and proceeded to kiss me goodnight

"What is it sweetheart?" she stroke my cheek tenderly

I swallowed "Is dad going to die like Seth's father?"

She gave me a sad smile "Someday, honey. We are all destined to leave this world at some point"

The thought of losing one of my parents made me shudder "I don't want you to leave me, Mom" I choked a cry "I don't want to be alone"

"I will never leave you, Jacob" she looked sad "Come-on, honey, I'm going to show you something" she extended her hand for me to follow her "and bring your blanket with you, I don't want you to catch a cold"

My mother placed the blanket around my shoulders and led me to the backyard. When we were outside, we both sat on the wooden floor. The air was quite chilly for an early autumn night. I stuck closer to my mom.

"Look at the sky, Jacob" she was already gazing above us "What do you see, honey?"

I hesitated a moment, unsure as what to answer "Nothing"

She smiled at me affectionately "Try again, Jacob"

I took a breath "I see..a dark sky"

"And?" she prompted taking my hand in hers

I let my eyes bore in the nothingness above us "Stars" I murmured

She smiled triumphantly "Exactly, Jacob. Beautiful, shining stars" she put her long silky hair away from her face "Now, I want you to pick one. Any star"

There were so many that it was difficult for me to pick only one, but when I looked closer, there was this one star that shone more than the others and looked bigger "That one" I said as I pointed to the one star that piqued my interest

"Why do you like that one?"

"Because it's the one that shines most" I say simply

"Good, honey" she reached for me and put me on her lap "When I'm gone, if you ever feel lonely or you simply miss me, I want you to look in the dark sky and look for the one star that shines most…that would be me looking after my baby boy"

I nodded

"As long as you keep me in your memory, I'll always be here" she puts her hand above my heart

 **Present days**

My head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds when I reach for my alarm to stop it. I got home pretty late last night. Time flies by too quickly whenever I'm with Nessie. God, this girl is the light to my fucking darkness. I must have been a saint in another life to deserve her.

The hot water in the shower helps me relax a little. Landon is still sleeping in my sisters' former bedroom that we converted into a guest room after they left. I go check on my father who I found passed out on the floor in the middle of his vomit in the kitchen yesterday. After Landon helped me take him to his room, I scrubbed the floor until my hands started burning.

God. It's going to be one of the shittiest days of the year. Hopefully, I'll be too busy to have my mind on over drive.

"Hey" Landon throttles to the kitchen, while I'm drinking coffee "Got in late last night"

"Sorry, honey, I promise I didn't cheat on you" I smirk

He sits on a stool in the kitchen island "You sure, love? You looked pretty cozy with Nessie yesterday" he yawns

"Well, the doctor said no sex for you, but I'm totally good down there" I smirk earning a glare from my friend

"Ha ha, very funny, asshole" he looks at me closer "You don't look like you got laid in a while"

I shake my head "Trust me, I don't feel like I have either"

Fucking deal. It's really getting painful the longer I wait

"You can't call it off?" Landon snarls "The deal I mean"

Of course I told Landon about it. He got suspicious when I rejected the girls that propositioned me in the bars we went to…two nights in a row.

Landon starts typing a text in his cell phone "Going to the garage already?"

"No, have somewhere to be first" I grab my bike keys and my black wayfarers

"What time do you think you're going to be home?" he asks

I knit my brows together "Afraid you'll miss me?" I tease

"Will definitely miss you, love. Now answer the damn question"

I laugh "Don't know. Probably around 8PM" I head to the door "Later, bro"

It's a particularly sunny day. It's very early in the morning so most shops are still closed. As I reach my first stop. I jerk my Harley Davidson softail to a stop and head to the one store I aimed at.

"Morning Jacob" the old lady greets me

"Mrs Clayton" I reply politely

She goes to the back of her shop and brings a bucket of wild roses and a white medium size box with a golden bow "The usual, right?" she asks, but it's just a formality, she already knows the answer

I nod and pay the florist before heading back to my bike. When I reach my final destination, my heart is hammering against my chest.

Sara Jackeline Black

Beloved wife and mother

(1974-2012)

I read my mother's gravestone. Three fucking lines supposed to describe a lifetime, where an entire book wouldn't suffice to summarize my pain and sorrow.

I sit on the ground, relying my arms on my knees "Happy birthday Mom" I shrug "I've brought you wild roses and a box of fudge brownies" I laugh sadly "Your favorites…I'll eat them in your memory" I clear my throat "Sorry, I haven't visited you in the past few days. I needed to help the old man in the garage and…Nessie's back" I smile to myself "I…I miss you, Mom" I put my head in my hands, unable to control myself anymore "No happiness is complete without you…Dad is a mess" I cry harder "I might drop from school to help here…I need you Mom…so much…"

%%%

My father hasn't shown up to the garage the whole day and I'm not surprised at all. That's one of those days of the year when he wants to be intoxicated from sunrise to sunset. Cars kept getting in and out the whole day. I really think we should hire someone during summer season. I can't do this on my own.

It's past 7PM when I decide I can't spend one more second at work. I hop on my bike, eager to finally get home and jump under the shower faucet.

"Hey" Landon looks surprised to see me "You're early"

"So?" I ask trying to dodge him to go to my room

"Nothing" he shrugs

The door bell rings, interrupting us.

"Rachel?" Yeah, that's my sister at the door

"Don't stay glued to the ground and go help Paul bring the dessert inside" she whines while she heads to the kitchen

Before I step foot outside, my sister Rebecca and Timothy come in "Shoot" she cries when she sees me "Are we late?"

"No, he's early" Landon states while helping my very pregnant sister to the backyard "Everything is ready, though"

What the hell is going on here?

"Hey, buddy" Paul hugs me quickly "Where do I put these?"

Landon is the one who answers to that, while more familiar faces come into my house. Sue and Charlie Swan, Nessie's parents, Embry, Kelcey and Sean and I'm sure I'm hearing Nessie and Candace laughing from the backyard.

Still in shock, I follow them to the backyard where I find my father talking to Charlie and Sue all three of them holding beers. There's enough food for at least a hundred people. Balloons are hanging everywhere. A long table is placed in the middle of our small backyard which I'm surprised could hold all these people.

I look around me. Everybody is eating and laughing. They all seem so relaxed and happy. Almost like celebrating a happy moment.

"Can anybody explain what's happening here?" I ask nobody in particular

My father chuckles "Your friends did this"

Landon looks embarrassed "Too days ago, your father said something about today being one of those shitty days of the year because…you know" he runs a hand in his hair "So, I thought why not throw a birthday party instead of a pity party…this is when I called Nessie asking for her help"

Nessie smiles "So, Candace, Kelcey and the boys helped with the decoration and the rest was in charge of the food"

Rebecca grins widely "Dad called Rachel and I two days ago and here we are"

"Thank you" I whisper in a barely audible sound

Nessie walks to me and hands me a plastic plate filled with lasagna and vegetables "Here"

Sue taps her bottle of beer with her fork to attract our attention "I thought it would be nice for each one of us to share a memory he's had with Sara Black" she clears her throat "I'll start. When Harry died, I was really depressed" she swallows "Sara came to my place every day, cleaned the house and cooked for me and the kids. She would talk to me for hours until I got better…So, thank you Sara Black" she raises her beer

"When I asked Sara to marry me, she burst out in laughter and I thought that was it, she was going to say no, but she said she laughed only because she couldn't believe I looked so nervous when it was obvious she was going to say yes" My dad smiles sadly before drinking another bottle of beer

Nessie's Mother is next "When I first met Sara Black, she hug me very tightly and said 'we'd better get along as our kids will probably get married someday' and it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between us"

Nessie reached discretely for my hand and intertwined our fingers, as if she could sense how much I needed this physical contact right now.

After everyone shares an anecdote, Candace walks to Nessie "I think it's time" she says

"Time for what?" I ask

Candace claps her hands together "Alright everyone, I want each one of you to grab one of those balloons and a pen from the table" they all follow her instructions "Once you're done, let's go to La Push"

It doesn't take us long to reach the beach from my house. We walk slowly towards the sea.

"Ok, now I want each one of you to write one thing they want to say to Sara Black on their balloon" Candace says while Landon stands beside her

"Do it, Jake" Nessie smiles reassuringly at me "Write anything you would tell her if she could hear you"

I look around me and see that everybody is concentrating on their task

I finally scribble "You'll live as long as the stars shine"

"If you're done, we want you to let the balloons go at 3" Landon says "1…2…3"

Nessie's hand tightens around mine, then we both let go. All the balloons start flying in different directions, following the wind and there I see a shining star in the middle of the dark sky.

I look around me one last time. Candace is running while Landon is chasing and threatening her. Sean is hugging Kelcey and laughing about something. My sisters are hugging each other. Paul and Timothy are talking to my father. Sue is crying in Charlie's arms, while Nessie's parents are simply looking at the flying balloons.

Life is full of surprises, I smile to myself, but I will never be alone

%%%

A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. I'm always happy to read your thoughts, so don't hesitate to share them with me :D Hope, you'll enjoy this chapter. Xx. Shino87


	18. Chapter 18

**Charlie/Nessie**

When Landon called me, few nights ago, saying we needed to meet, he got me all freaked out, especially when he made it clear Jacob mustn't know about it. I informed Candace, Kels and Sean as he instructed me to and we all gathered at Dela's.

"Is Jacob alright?" I assaulted Landon as soon as he arrived. I decided, reluctantly, not to check on him, until I talked to Landon

"Yeah, he's fine, but I'm going to need your help on something" he sat beside Candace. He had that all business expression on his face that said it was important

Sean replied right away "Yeah, sure"

He looked at us one by one while he explained his plan. Each one of us picked a task or came up with an idea. It took us a little less than one hour to go through all the details and no matter how sad the circumstances were, we were all excited to do something to make it a better day for Jake.

"Ok, we keep in touch. I've get to go" Landon stood and started towards the door, Candace who was sitting beside him followed right behind, so when he stopped abruptly, she bumped into him.

"Ouch" she rubbed her forehead "Your back is made of steel" she whined

He wiggled his eyebrows "Why. Thank you, marshmallow. You should see my chest, though" he winked at her

"No, I'm fine, fuck you very much" she brushed past him, arms folded over her chest

It took him one stride to catch up with her "I don't think you can handle me, Bennedict. I'm big" then he bent so that he could whisper in her ear "Everywhere", but I was close enough to hear him.

My best friend blushed "What's wrong with your bird's brain, you idiot?" then literally ran to her car leaving a satisfied Landon behind her

He was still grinning happily when I elbowed him "Why do you enjoy torturing her?"

He put both hands behind his head while we walked to our cars "She's fun to tease"

"Men" I rolled my eyes

He laughed "You can't live without us"

"Or with you" I amended "See you…Oh, one last thing"

He knitted his brows together "Yeah?"

"You're a nice guy, Landon Grimes, no matter how hard you try to hide it" I smile tenderly at him. Feeling reassured to know that Jake has someone to look after him in Northwestern.

"Errr…let's keep it between us. I have a reputation to uphold" he joked

 **La Push/Party**

My hand is sweating, but I don't let go of Jake's hand. I know how much he needs to be comforted right now. We watch the balloons, until the last one disappears in the large dark sky.

"Who's ready for a sleepless night at my place?" Kelcey stares at us expectantly, while Sean rests his head on her shoulder with his arms around her waist.

Jake smiles apologetically at her "Sorry, have to work early tomorrow, besides…" his gaze turns to his completely drunk father who's being dragged by Timothy and Paul.

Rachel clears her throat beside us "It's fine, Jake. I've got this. Go have fun with your friends"

"But the garage…" he insists

Rachel holds her hand to stop him "It's ok to open later once in a while, Jake" her sad expression is heartbreaking when she strokes her brother's arm "For one night, I want you to be a normal 19 year old, who doesn't carry such a burden"

Jacob's eyes redden. He hugs his sister tightly and murmurs a muffled "Thanks"

"You're so going to pay for this" a completely soaked Candace glares at Landon, who seems quite amused as usual

He lifts his hands in the air in surrender "Calm down, little girl. You ended up in the water on your own"

She closes her eyes to gain back some control "It's because you chased me into the water, you asshat" she says in a low threatening voice

"Keep an eye on these two" I tell Jake "I'm gonna inform my parents I'm staying at Kelcey's"

"Hey" I say when I reach them

"Hey, baby girl" my father smiles affectionately at me "Everything alright?"

I give my father a tight smile "Yeah…Umm, it's ok for you to leave…I mean, I'm spending the night at Kelcey's"

He stares at me suspiciously "Who's going to be there?"

This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I sigh in resignation "Kelcey and her boyfriend, Candace…Jacob and his friend"

My mother takes pity on me "Ok. Have a nice time, sweety" she kisses my forehead

"What?" my father glares at my mother

She rolls her eyes "It's ok, honey. Jacob will be there"

"I'm worried, especially since he will be there" he retorts unhappily

My mom looks aghast, she's always had a soft spot for Jake "Eduard Cullen. Jacob is the sweetest boy, I've ever met. I'm happy Nessie and Him are still friends"

He folds his arms across his chest "We both know our daughter likes him more than just a friend and I'm pretty positive he returns her feelings"

My face turn tomato red "I'm right here, guys"

They both ignore me as they continue their argument "So what? She's an adult now, Eduard. I'd rather know she's with a nice kid like Jacob, than any other college student who would only be interested in her body"

"Mom" I cry. I can't believe my parents are debating my sexual life…or more accurately, my nonexistent one.

My father turns his attention on me, nostrils flaring "I'm gonna need to have a father/boyfriend talk with him soon"

"He's not…we're not…I mean, we're just…" I try to explain what we are, but in vain

My mom finds my debacle very amusing as she strokes my father's back, happy to see he gave in.

"Ok, bye" I kiss both of them, before I return to my friends

Jacob looks at me with concern in his eyes "Ready to go?"

"Now, please" I beg "Where are our friends?"

"They left first. Told them I'd wait for you"

"Can you give me ride?" I ask when we reach Jake's bike. I came here with my parents and Candace who's my usual ride when I'm not driving, has already left

Jacob lifts his eyebrows in a sexy way I have a hard time resisting "I thought I had already fulfilled that fantasy of yours"

I blush "Jake"

"Sorry, that was a low blow" He doesn't look sorry as he laughs wholeheartedly

I feel both excited and scared at the perspective of riding a bike with him "Here" he says as he helps me with the helmet

"How about you?" I ask worried

"I have an extra helmet at home, but I don't want to waste anymore time" he smiles as he settles on his bike and I join him behind, putting my arms around his waist. God, I love how his strong body feels.

As soon as he starts the engine, I feel a rush of adrenaline. It's my first time on a motorcycle. Then again, I've had most of my first times with Jacob Black. I smile to myself at the realization. It's not long before we reach Kelcey's place.

"Hey" Sean greets us when we get in "There's keg in the kitchen. Help yourself"

I hear Landon yelling and Sean joins in. I look at Jacob questioningly, but it's Kelcey who answers my obvious question "Cougars are playing tonight" she rolls her eyes

"Shit. I completely forgot" Jacob runs to watch the game

"Really!" I sigh

Kelcey shakes her head "They're all the same…in different sizes" she smirks making me giggle

"Where's Candy" I wonder as I grab a bottle of water

"Shower"

%%%

While the boys are busy watching the game, completely ignoring our existence, the three of us seize the opportunity to paint our nails, do facial masks and talk about waxing vs shaving. It really feels good to just take care of yourself every once in awhile.

"I haven't done this in…forever" Candace whines while she changes in her superman pajama boy shorts and a white top, her hair is hanging flawlessly on her shoulders.

"We should schedule a spa day" Kelcey suggests "Before school swallows our lives, again"

I sigh "My schedule is erratic during school year. I barely have time to pee. If I want to keep my grades up, I need to forget about any interaction outside of school"

"I'm just going to go ahead and ask" Kelcey squirms "Have you had any boyfriends this year?"

I raise my eyebrows with a smile "Actually, nope"

"You mean, you haven't had any extracurricular activity down there" she motions to my lady parts and I can't help but burst into laughter

"Not since…Jake" I admit between giggles

"Mmmm" Kelcey looks at me some more "Now, let me ask you an existential question, any woman would like to know"

"Oh God" Candace squeals "Be ready for the worst" she warns me, earning a big toothy smile from Kelcey

"Ok, here we go. How big is his…" she claps her hands in anticipation

I flush "OMG, I'm so not answering this question. Have I ever asked you how big is Sean's…err?"

She shrugs "Oh, I don't mind. Actually, Sean's c…"

I cut her off "Please, no. I don't want to know"

Just then, Sean walks in "Hey girls, what are you laughing about? We can hear you from the living room"

"Anatomy" Kelcey jumps in her boyfriend's arms

"Grey's anatomy" I deadpan

He glances between Kelcey and I, before giving us an unconvincing "Ok"

"So anyway, the game's over. How about you join us" he suggests while kissing his girlfriend's neck

"Give us a moment" Kelcey kisses him back before he leaves

"Can I borrow from you something more comfortable to sleep in" I gesture to my short summer dress "I didn't expect to spend the night over"

"Yeah, sure. Help yourself in my closet"

Candace walks to me "Told you Kelcey mentioned a sleep over"

"I know" I sigh "But it slipped my mind"

"Here" she hands me a sponge bob cotton gown "You're taller than Kelcey, so I guess that's the only pj you can wear"

I take it from her laughing "Let's be wild. Right?"

The boys whistle when I enter the living room and I bow before them. Kelcey is already sitting on Sean's lap. There's a free spot beside Jacob, so I rush to take it

"Is it free?"

He collects me in his arms and kisses my temple "No, I'm expecting a very gorgeous girl in the sexiest night gown I've ever seen, to take it"

I snuggle closer "Is it sarcasm?"

"I don't do sarcasm when I'm turned on" he murmurs in my ear, causing my body to react immediately

I swallow hard "You have a sponge bob fetish, then" I try my best to calm my racing heart

He chuckles against my neck "I have a Nessie fetish" his strong arms tighten around my waist

He trails kisses down my ear, my neck, my shoulder and a moan escapes my mouth

Oh God. Hope nobody heard. I do a quick check around the room. Kelcey and Sean are kissing passionately each other, completely oblivious to us, while Landon and Candace are watching silently a political debate on tv, occasionally commenting here and there.

"I don't think we should do this. This is X rated between friends" I'm breathless as I speak

He brings his hand to my thigh and stokes painfully slowly my skin "Most thoughts I have of you are X rated" his teeth graze lightly my ear and I have to bite my lower lip to stop myself from moaning again

I stand up abruptly, not trusting myself in his presence "I'm tired. Where should I sleep?" I interrupt Kelcey and Sean's making out session

She looks at me questioningly "Errr…you and Candace can have my room, Landon will be in the guest room and Jake will stay in Kevin's room" she looks at Jacob "Hope you don't mind sleeping in my little brother's bedroom. He doesn't use it much, since he left for boarding school"

"I'm good" he shrugs

"Ok, then Good night" they all look at me like I've just escaped the asylum, except for Jacob who's smiling. God. How can he have so much self control?

If I didn't jump from his hold, I'd be straddling him in the middle of the living room, not giving a damn about our audience.

"What happened with Jake?" Candace joins me in Kelcey's room

I place the sheets on the bed "Nothing"

Candace rolls her eyes "Charlie"

"I was turned on…he was turned on…we were turned on" I say with a trembling voice

"Humm" she sits on the bed "You forgot two pronouns in your conjugation"

I glare at her. It's not funny

"Did I sound weird, earlier?"

"No" Candace stretches this one syllable "We all figured out what was happening"

"What?" I cry

"Flushed face, trembling legs, shaking voice, it was either you were horny or you contracted Ebola" she looks at me apologetically

I sigh "How about Jake?"

She shakes her head "He left right after you. I guess he got sick from our inquisitive eyes"

"I feel so embarrassed. I overreacted" I burry my face in my hands

Candace laughs beside me "Don't be a drama queen, it wasn't that big of a deal"

I stand from the bed "I'll go see Jacob. We need to set boundaries"

Candace tilts her head to the side "Really! You could come up with a better excuse to see him, you know"

I ignore her and run towards Kevin's bedroom. I knock lightly on the door "Come in" comes Jake's voice

"Hey, I just w…" I stop mid sentence because of the incredible sculpture before me. Jacob Black, in nothing but a towel that hangs very low on his hips. Fresh from the shower, droplets of water glistening on his body and hair. Good lord. Why is the universe plotting against me? I'm really trying to be chaste here

I drool over his tribal tattoos that cover his right pectorals. His body looks like it's been sculpted by an artist. It's unfair to look this good.

I swallow, my eyes glued to his phenomenal chest "Maybe, I should come back another time" my voice is weird even to me

He walks slowly towards me "Or maybe you should stay" he caresses my mouth with his fingers and lifts my face so that I look him in the eyes. He tilts his head and brushes his lips against my ear "Sleep here tonight. I promise to keep my hands to myself"

%%%

A/N: Thank you for following the story and for your great reviews, I'm always happy to read them. Hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Please, hit the comment section bellow and share your thoughts. Xx. Shino87


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thanks for your great reviews. It's always a delight reading them :D**

 **Warning: this chapter is classified mature…but not too much :D Enjoy**

 **Jacob**

When I was a little boy, my mom used to tell me legends and stories of her tribe, the Quileute, Native Americans from Washington. She would never let me go to bed without listening to one of those stories and I enjoyed them more than I would let on.

Back in second grade, my mom invited Nessie and Embry to spend the night in my house. I was so excited to have both my best friends sleep over. Nessie seemed to really enjoy this quick emersion in the Native American culture and she adapted faster that I thought she would.

After dinner, my sisters and father helped my mom clear the dishes, while I went to my room to play with my friends.

When it was time for bed, my mom brought her Book of Indian legends from Pacific Northwest and asked "So, which story do you want to hear tonight?"

"Something kickass" Embry answered eagerly

"Language, Embry" my mom scolded

He turned crimson red "Sorry, Mrs Black"

"The one about how Quileute men are decedents of wolves" I puffed my chest proudly, trying to impress Nessie

My mom pretended to think about it, then turned her attention to Nessie who remained silent until then "We have a special guest tonight, how about we let her pick" my mom smiled tenderly at her.

"It's fine, Mrs Black" she blushed "The boys can chose"

My mom shook her head "Sweetheart, girls should always be asked first"

She looked between me and my mom "Is it true that Quileute are related to wolves?"

My mom's eyes twinkled _"Well, did you know that the name of the Quileute tribe means actually Wolf? A long time ago, we used to spell it Quillayute from the name of our tribal capital, Kwo'liyot. This name of this place doesn't have a specific meaning, but we believe it was derived from the Quileute word Kwoli,_ _kwoli_ _"_ as my mother proceeded to tell us more, all three of us were captivated by her narration

She cleared her throat _"Thousands of years ago, the Quileute Indians and the ghosts of their ancestors lived and hunted here. According to the ancient creation story, the Quileutes were changed from wolves by a wandering Transformer._

 _As explained in our folklore, the Quileute descended from wolves. Quileute myths proclaim that the two-sided mythical character known as_ _Dokibatt_ _and_ _K'wa'iti_ _was responsible for creating the first human of the Quileute tribe by transforming a wolf. Quileute folklore is still very much alive in the area of the Quileute Nation near La Push"._

My mother closed the book in her hands and kissed all three of us "Good night, kids"

"Good night" we said in unison

Later that night, Nessie tucked at my blanket "Jake..Jake…are you sleeping"

"Not anymore" I groaned "What is it?" I faced her

Her beautiful eyes looked back at me in worry "Are you going to become a wolf someday?" she whispered

"That would be cool, wouldn't it?" I smirked

"Can I change into a wolf as well?" she wondered

"I don't think so. I mean, you have to be Quileute" I shrugged

She shook her head "Then, I don't want you to be a wolf. I like you the way you are…just my Jake"

I liked the sound of it. Belonging to her made me happy "I could still be your Jake in wolf form" I joked

"You'd be my wolf?" she murmured more to herself "You wouldn't look for a wolf friend?" she scrutinized me

I shook my head No "How about this!" I said "If I become a wolf, I promise to be only yours and in return, you promise to be only mine"

"Agreed" she shook my hand

We drifted to sleep with our hands laced

 **Present days**

When Nesie walked into the living in that yellow sponge bob gown, I almost lost my mind. I've never understood how she managed to look sexy in the weirdest outfits. I could feel my cock throbbing against my jeans when she snuggled closer to me, so fuck me, but I wasn't about to let go of the opportunity to touch her soft creamy skin.

What I didn't expect, was for her to jump away from me, as soon as she started losing control. If I wasn't sporting a painful erection, I would have found the whole situation hilarious.

"Dude, get a room" Landon snorted as soon as Nessie was out of sight

Candace shook her head "You two are a match made in heaven" she smirked sarcastically "Here" she handed Landon ten bucks.

"What the hell?" although I had an idea of what was going on

"I bet ten bucks she's turn you down if you made a move on her" Candace rolled her eyes "Which technically she did" she glared at Landon

"After she moaned" Landon amended "Which means I won" pretending to fan his face with the bills

I scratch my chin "You know, having to stand both of you at the same time is a double pain in the ass" I stand from the plush chair "See you tomorrow, twiddle dee and twiddle dum"

As I hop under the shower faucet, in Kevin's bathroom, it takes me about 10 minutes under an ice cold water for that huge boner to finally deflate. Motherfucker. I really need to get laid…and soon. When I get out of the bathroom, there stands the object of my fantasies. All flushed and breathless. Her eyes appraise my body hungrily, causing my dick to stand proudly.

She swallows "Maybe I should come back another time" but she holds her ground, not looking like she wants to be anywhere but here. I walk slowly towards her, resisting the urge to pin her against the wall and fuck her until she screams my name, like I'm her fucking savior.

"Sleep here tonight. I promise to keep my hands to myself" I put my hand around her neck while my thumb strokes her throat

"I…we shouldn't…I mean, Jake we shouldn't do these things" I tilt my head and slightly bite her right ear "What shouldn't we do? Tell me, Nessie" I whisper in a husky voice

"This…what you are doing now, for instance" Fuck, I love her voice when she's horny

I lick her neck, making her gasp in delight "What is it that I'm doing, Nessie" I tease her, knowing damn well what she's getting at

"Kissing…licking…touching" she says out of breath

I continue my travel towards her throat "You hate it? Because your body seems to have another opinion" I pinch her perking nipple through the material of her gown. She bites her lip to suppress her moan. Her hands fly to my shoulders, where she grabs me to keep her balance

My other hand disappears under the hem of her nighty, caressing this creamy skin I like so much. I can feel goosebumps on her body while I continue my exploration of her thigh. Her breath is labored, then again, so is mine.

"Jacob, stop" she cries

I take a step away from her "Then you should let go" I motion to her hands around my neck

"Oh" she removes them, obviously embarrassed "I…sorry"

"I'm not" I chuckle, earning a chastising glare from her "Come on baby, sleep here with me, like old times" I beg honestly. Doing my best to ignore the appendage that's flexing under the towel. Her gaze follows my hand as I adjust myself under the fluffy fabric that covers my genitals. Her pupils are dilated and her pouty lips parted.

"What is it, Nessie?" I palm my towel covered ejection some more "You like to watch me give myself pleasure?" her hungry eyes turn me on even more, if that's humanly possible.

I've always been confident and happy with my body. I'm not the shy, timid type. Hanging around half naked, or completely naked has never been an issue for me.

She squeezes her thighs together "I should leave" she says breathlessly, her eyes never leaving my hand.

I stroke my cock painfully slowly and she follows the movement "You don't trust me when I say I won't touch you, if we sleep in the same bed"

She licks her lips "I don't trust myself around you" she finally brings her eyes to mine "Good night, Jake" she's gone

%%%

It's 4:30 AM and I haven't closed my eyes for a second. I keep turning in bed, unable to sleep. Fuck, I'm having a serious case of blue balls and I only want one person to help with that. Knowing that a brick wall is the only thing separating us right now, has me even more worked up.

Have I gone too far? She did say we should set boundaries, but she didn't sound convinced by her own words. Call me a pretentious prick all you want, but I know she wants me as much as I want her.

I don't crave just her body, or just her personality…God, I want all of her, the good and the bad. She's my fucking light in the darkness

Someone opens the door and a shapeless shadow slips in "Jake" comes Nessie's soft voice

I stand quickly as my eyes adjust to the darkness "Nessie? You ok?"

She walks to the bed "I can't sleep…does your offer still stand?"

I push my body to the side, to give her some space on the bed "Sure"

She lies on the bed facing me with a contempt smile. I stroke her jaw "Sorry if I went too far, earlier"

She snuggles closer to me "I don't mind" she smiles "You're quite easy on the eye, you know"

I reach for her and hold her in a tight hug "Is that so? I thought I was hotness incarnate"

"I wouldn't go to that extent" she chuckles

"Oh yeah" I start tickling her "You'd better say something nice and quickly, if you want me to stop"

She laughs so hard, she barely breathes "Ok Ok, you're extremely handsome"

"Not enough" I keep on tickling her

"How about…dangerously sexy" she tries

I pretend to think it over "Can do better" but I stop tickling her

She presses a soft kiss on my neck "Good night, my big wolf"

I laugh "Goodnight, baby"

%%%

I wake up to something incredibly warm and cozy pressed against my body. My hand explores the form beside me…Boobs? A stomach? Must be a dream, the wet x rated type…

I hear a way too familiar voice moan. Right, Nessie. She spent the night in my bed. Fuck. How could I forget. I snap my eyes open. Her back is against my chest and her ass are pressed to my morning boner. Well, hello there

"Morning, sleepy pants" I say as I kiss her neck

She mutters a muffled "Goodmorningjacob"

"Come on baby, want to spend some time with you before I leave for work" I nuzzle her hair then her earlobe

She opens her eyes instantly "Rachel said it's ok to go later"

I scratch my two days stubble "Yeah, but I expect a customer today"

"Ok" she says reluctantly "I'll have a quick shower and meet you downstairs for breakfast"

I nod and kiss her temple. Ready to hop under the shower as well

When I head to the kitchen, all my friends are already there and they eye me suspiciously. I grab cereals and milk, doing my damdest to ignore their stares.

"What?" I snap

They all look away immediately, some of them managing a "Nothing"

"Hey guys" Nessie greets happily

"Morning, Nessie. Did you sleep well?" Candace asks cheerfully, knowingly perfectly well where Nessie was last night.

Nessie blushes, giving away the obvious "Yeah…I…yeah"

"Where's Landon?" I look around the table for my best friend

Candace shrugs "He got a call from his father, I think. He left after that" She clears her throat "He looked like he needed some fresh air"

Fucking great

I grab my car keys "Have to go. Need a ride home, babe?" I ask Nessie

She shakes her head "I'm fine. Candace can drop me home"

Before I start for the door, I turn my attention on my friends

"Thanks for everything, guys. I'm not very expressive at times, but it means a lot" I say honestly

Sean taps my shoulder "See you, bro" while Kelcey smiles happily

Candace and Nessie simply nod at me

During the years that followed my mother's death, I thought that keeping a safe distance between me and other people would prevent me from getting hurt, when actually these people are the ones helping me to heal. It's a long healing process, but I know I'm not alone.

%%%

A/N: Well, that was quite a steamy chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Please, hit the comment section bellow and share your thoughts, I'm always happy to read them. Xx. Shino87


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey there, It's me again. Thanks for following the story and for your reviews, I've become addicted to them lol. Hope you'll like this new chapter. Xx. Shino87**

 **Nessie/Charlie**

I have never had a serious boyfriend. Surprising? Not really. Being already in love with someone makes it almost impossible for you to look somewhere else. Your heart rejects any other person. It's like trying to fill an already full cup of water…

I loved Jacob Black from the moment I set eyes on him and for the past few years, I've hated loving him.

When I realized he had no interest in me anymore, seeing the parade of females in his life, I decided it was time for me to move on. Patrick transferred to Forks high in senior year. He quickly became the popular football quarterback and the second hottest guy in school, after Jake. Where Jake was cold and dismissive with his conquests, Patrick was warm and sweet. Where Jake was dark and moody, Patrick was easygoing and light.

Most boys wouldn't approach me because of my history with Jake or simply because he scared them away, but Patrick didn't seem to care. He made it clear he wanted me and he worked hard to make it happen.

He asked me out repeatedly and I kept declining, until a very painful to remember day. I had just finished a tutoring session, after school hours. Jake and his student left earlier. I was walking down the hall, when Anita was leaving the boy's bathroom with a very satisfied grin, followed by Jake, who was so busy zipping his crotch that he didn't see me. I hid quickly behind the wall before he saw me, then I ran car and cried once again because of Jake.

I knew he was fooling around. Crap, he was said to be so good that most girls were throwing themselves at him. But, seeing the man you love screwing another girl hurts like hell.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I put myself together and answered

"Hey Charlie, It's Patrick…I have just finished practice and saw your car in the school parking lot"

I took a deep breath and tried to control my shaking voice "Umm…yeah. Just finished tutoring"

"Great. Wanna go to Beca's Doughnut House…my treat"

"Yeah" I finally say

"Yeah?" he seems genuinely surprised

I sigh "I'll meet you there, Patrick"

Few days later, Patrick asked me on a first date, then a second, then I stopped counting because we were hanging out all the time. He was sweet, cute and very attentive, but there was something off about him. Somehow, Jacob's name was always brought to our conversations and I wasn't the one mentioning him. After a while, I realized Patrick was jealous of Jake's popularity and although he seemed to really like me, he chased me also because I was the girl Jacob Black warned guys not to date. So, if he could win me over, he would get back at Jake. The sad thing about my conclusion, is that I didn't care at all, because I didn't feel anything for him. No matter how hard I tried to like him as more than just a pal, I couldn't and Patrick noticed it and I think that it made him resent Jacob even more.

Then prom night happened, Patrick planned to take me to a room during Kelcey's party, because he wanted Jacob to believe he scored with me, except it didn't turn out as expected.

First reason: I was never going to have my first time in the bedroom of a complete stranger during a house party

Second reason: I was never going to have my first time with Patrick. Full stop

I didn't love him and I was positive he didn't love me either

The irony in this story is that, I did end up having my first time with the man I loved but; one: he didn't return my feelings and two: it was in the room of a complete stranger during a house party.

The rest is history

 **Present days**

"You slept with Jake" Candace glares at me when we finally pull out of Kelcey's driveway

I roll my eyes "I didn't sleep with him, I slept in the same bed as him"

She shrugs "Same difference"

"Nope, your sentence implied we had sex which we didn't" I hiss

She raises an eyebrow "You read minds, now?"

"It's called reading between the lines" I retort with a tight smile

She grips the steering wheel, eyes on the road "If you want me to believe nothing happened under the sheets, try again…now, if you're really good at reading between the lines, you already guessed I'm calling you on your lie" she smiles happily

I sigh in defeat "I haven't said nothing happened…only, that it didn't go too far" and honestly, I don't think I'd have protested if he tried again when I went back to his room.

"Did he make you come" she asks bluntly, like it's the most natural thing in the world

I blush "Oh my God, Candace"

"I take it he didn't" she deadpans "Well, I guess it wasn't as exciting as I expected"

"It was …very hot"

Candace looks at me expectantly

I burry my head in my hands "I mademyselfcomewhilereplayingwhathappenedinKevin'sroom" I admit quickly

"Huh…how about you try it again in English?" she laughs

I glare at her "You are a terrible friend for making me say it again, Candace" I take a deep breath, I say it slower this time "I made myself come while replaying what happened in Kevin's room"

Candace keeps her eyes on the road, not saying anything. After few seconds, I can't take her silence anymore "Are you in shock, or something?"

She clears her throat "Define or something"

I roll my eyes "Really! You're making me regret telling you"

She giggles "Oh come-on, I'm just messing with you. So, did you find bats and spiders in your obsolete vagina?"

"Look who's speaking now" I laugh "The girl with the chastity belt"

She laughs wholeheartedly

"Seriously, Candace. I know you said you weren't a virgin anymore, but I'm starting to doubt someone ever visited Southern Candace" my best friend goes silent as always, whenever I try to make her talk about her sexual life "I'm your best friend, yet I have no idea who it was and how it was" I say seriously

She stiffens "Told you it was a guy I met while on holidays and there's not much to say about it… It didn't go so well"

"So does most people's first time" I say softly, although my first time was amazing. Sure it hurt like hell, but it felt good as well

She laughs humorlessly "I don't think so"

Seeing how this topic makes her uncomfortable, I decide to change the course of our conversation "What is wrong with Landon?"

She sighs "I don't know. He really seemed worked up after his father's call…I told him he should wait until he calmed down before driving but he wouldn't listen"

"I'll call Jake later to check on Landon"

Candace nods at that

%%%

After Candace drops me off, I dial Jake's number. It rings three times before he finally answers the phone "Hey, baby" he seems out of breath

My heart always does a somersault when he calls me baby "Hey, sorry to bother you at work"

"No, It's fine. What's up?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to know if you talked to Landon"

"He's fine…I guess. He's got a complicated relationship with his family" he confesses, voice filled with pain and worry

"Tell me if I can do anything" I say honestly

He chuckles "Thanks, babe. Talk to you later"

"Yeah, later" I hang up reluctantly, wanting to talk some more to him. Recently, I find myself counting the minutes until I see him. Jeez, I hate how much I need him in my life

I spend the rest of the day with my family. Gardening with my grandmother, reading the medical articles that my grandfather brought me, playing piano for my father's delight, discussing the importance to use protection with my mother…for the millionth time.

By the end of the day, I only want one thing; to see Jake. How is it possible to miss someone you saw few hours ago?

As I'm trying to figure out an excuse to see him, my phone buzzes beside me

"Grandpa Charlie, how are you doing?" I say happily

"Hey baby girl, I'm good…Listen, thought you'd want to know that Rebecca has just been admitted to the hospital, she's in labor"

"Whoa! Jake's sister is having her baby already"

"Her water broke when she was still at her father's place. Tim brought her immediately here"

"Is Jake there?"

My grandpa chuckles "Poor kid saw what happened. His face is literally green"

I fight a laugh "I'm coming, right now"

I grab my father's car keys "Dad, I'm borrowing your car" I hurry to the main door, but my dad follows me

"What's the rush?" He asks

"Rebecca is in labor" I say breathlessly

"Wait, I'm coming with you" my mom hurries towards me

When we finally make it to the hospital, I spot Sue, my grandfather's wife, near the snacks machine. My mom hurries to greet her. It's no surprise to see her here as she considers the Black as an extension of her family.

"How is she?" my mom asks Sue

"Still in there" she looks worriedly behind her "Come on girls, the rest of the family will be happy to see you"

We follow Sue to the waiting room, where the whole family is gathered except for Billy. Jacob looks sick, but his face brightens when he sees me. Landon and Paul are sitting together, while Rachel is pacing back and forth. She runs in my mother's arms as soon as she sees her "I'm so glad to see you, Bella"

My mom strokes her back in this soothing way "Stop worrying, Rachel, It's going to be fine"

I'm really surprised to see my mom so calm. She's been traumatized for years to set foot in a hospital. When she was pregnant with me, there were complications; most doctors believed she was not going to survive, after she had me. She spent 2 days in a coma and it took her a month to leave the hospital. It's one of the reasons why I am an only child.

"With our mother's birthday, we were all stressed and sad….the party brought back so many emotions, that I guess she was overwhelmed…"

"She was expecting the baby anytime now and on the bright side, you're here for her, not in South Dakota" Sue adds reassuringly

"Where's Billy" I ask Sue discreetly

She shakes her head disapprovingly "Too drunk to care for his first grandchild birth"

It feels like a stab in the heart. I can only imagine how his family feels, right now. I go sit beside Jake and take his hand in mine "Thanks for coming" he murmurs

At that very moment, Timothy emerges from the labor room, wearing blue scrubs and looking both happy and anxious. We all rush towards him

"She's fine. Exhausted but fine…both of them are" tears sting in the corners of his eyes "The doctor says you can see her, but she needs rest, so you'll have only five minutes with her"

They all follow Timothy, except for me, my mom and Landon. Rachel who notices us staying behind asks "Aren't you guys coming?"

"It's a family moment" Landon shrugs

Rachel glares at us fiercely "You guys, are as part of this family, as any of us, now bring your ass here"

Landon and I exchange glances, then we follow the rest of the group. Rebecca is holding a beautiful little girl in her arms with Timothy looking adoringly at both of them.

"Meet Sara Jane Walker" Rebecca smiles weakly

"She's so pretty" tears streak Rachel's face and Paul takes her in his arms

"Want to hold your niece, Jake?" she asks. Jake swallows hard as he looks at his niece "It's fine, she's stronger than you thing, come on…here" she hands him the baby

He brings her to his chest "Sara Jane Walker" he says in a strangled voice

I can't help the tear that escapes my eye at the scene that's unfurling before me. Jake lifts his face and our eyes lock. Sometimes a simple look is worth a million words. Jake is my past, my present and …hopefully my future.

 **A/N: Hey everyone, hope you enjoyed reading this new chapter. Hit the comment section bellow and let me know what you thought of it. Xx. Shino87**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thank you all for following the story and for your great reviews. I'm always happy to read them, so keep them coming, please :D**

 **Jacob**

When I was 10 years old, Nessie made Candace Chenney invite me to her birthday party, although she claimed Candace did it because she wanted to. But we weren't really friends, we only shared one. I've never hated the girl, though, neither did I dislike her. I just found her irritating and she seemed to have the same opinion of me.

I went to her party anyway, because Nessie made it clear I wouldn't get away with it, if I didn't show up. Let's put one thing straight, I don't know of what single guy who's not afraid of the threats coming from his girl…Ok, so Nessie wasn't officially my girl, but it felt a lot like it.

Candace's parents seemed genuinely happy about the party and they enjoyed it more than anyone. The backyard was decorated with balloons and there was a big trampoline in the middle. There were cakes in so many different colors that they gave me a headache. I think they tried to have an Alice in Wonderland theme…It was so girly, that I felt my skin itching.

Nessie was wearing a baby blue dress and a white cardigan. Her long curls fell on her back. She looked absolutely stunning. When she turned and our eyes locked my heart performed this backflip that it did whenever I saw her. If my heart was a person, it would be a show off/attention seeker.

She waved at me and I started walking toward her "See you later, Embry"

"See ya" my friend replied

I was really trying my best not to run and take her in my arms. My heart accelerated its race with every step I took in her direction and she seemed to smile wider with every stride.

"Jacob" her voice carried so much affection, that part of me wanted to record her saying my name and listen to it whenever I'm having a bad day. So many things I wanted to tell her were on the tip of my tongue, but I settled for "I like the color of your dress"

She smiled happily "I like your shirt"

I look down at my white button down shirt and black slacks "My mom made me wear this. But I used my veto against the tie"

"I would love to see you with a tie, someday" her lyrical words sound like a lullaby to my ear. I want to tell her I'd love to wear a tie for her to love seeing me, instead I shift on my legs uncomfortably.

She notices my discomfort and bites her lower lip to hide a smile. I don't like when she does it, because it makes her lips the center of my attention. I don't know what's wrong with me, recently I've started wondering what they feel like, what they taste like? Would they fit my lips?

"Do I have something on my lips" she lifts her hand to her mouth

"What?" I bring my eyes to hers

"You were staring at my lips. I thought maybe I had something on the mouth" she explains

I feel my ears heat and my cheeks blush "Errr…no, they're good…I mean fine"

She takes my hand in hers with a laugh "You're so weird sometimes, Jacob Black" she leads me to a table and gives a cup of apple juice and takes one for herself "Want to see the sequoia tree?"

Nessie has always been impressed by the sequoia tree that's in the Chenney's house. Their garden is not very big, but the tree is like a giant umbrella in the middle of it. This is actually the first time that I'm seeing it.

"Come-on, there's a set of swings attached to it on the other side" she runs with me trailing her. Once we're on the other side of the tree, it's like we're alone. No noise, no kids, no birthday party. Just the two of us. She puts her hand on the trunk "Isn't it beautiful?" she asks her eyes never leaving the tree, mine never leaving her face "Beautiful, indeed"

She turns to me now with a smile plastered on her face "Sit beside me" she orders, while she settles on one of the swing-converted-tire and I sit on the second one. She starts swinging slowly, her gaze glued to the blue sky, mine still glued to her face "Want to know a secret, Jacob?" she asks smiling at the dancing clouds

I want to know everything about you, Nessie "Yes, I do" I say simply

She turns her wonderful smile to me "You were my first kiss"

"What?" for a moment, I'm wondering if this ever happened and it slipped somewhat my mind…Nahh, even if my memory was erased, I think my lips would still remember kissing her "We never kissed, Nessie"

"Is that so?" she pretends to think about it "Then I think we should rectify that" she stops swinging and brings her face closer to mine, I'm scared to move and make her change her opinion. As soon as our lips meet, fireworks spark, pigs fly and elephants dance in the sky. She tastes like apple juice. Like marshmallows, like my favorite candies and my favorite pies all mixed together.

No, my lips could never forget this sensation.

She backs away with a huge grin

"Want to know a secret, Nessie?" I ask when I finally recover from the kiss

She nods, still smiling

"You were my first kiss, as well"

 **Present days**

My sister's water broke in the middle of the living room. It made me feel both mystified and sick. I haven't thrown up as much since the first time I got drunk. I've brushed my teeth so many times since we brought her to the hospital, that I my gum hurts. I throw away the toothbrush I bought from a pharmacy on the way here and head back to the waiting room. Worried like hell for my sister. God. I hate hospitals. They bring back my worst memories. I put my head in my hands and try to calm my anxiety.

I'm glad Landon is here, although I haven't had the opportunity to ask him what happened with his father. Everything happened so quickly. I hear a familiar feminine voice and my heart does a somersault, she takes my hand in hers and her sweet perfume helps me relax "Thanks for coming" I murmur to her

Nessie is here. She's here with me. She's here for me

Timothy emerges from the labor room and ushers us in to meet my niece. I'm an uncle. I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. I rush to my sister's side eager to see she's fine. My legs are moving on their own.

"Meet Sara Jane Walker" Rebecca introduces her and my chest contracts painfully. She named her after mom. Why am I feeling sadness instead of joy? Why am I suddenly feeling lonely, when I'm surrounded by so many people?

Rebecca hands me Sara Jane and I take her reluctantly in my arms. I'm scared to hurt her, then she opens her eyes and I want to do anything within my power to protect her. She brings more light into my universe. Somewhat, she makes my pain more bearable "Sara Jane Walker"

Mom, you should see her. Mom she's so perfect. I think she has your eyes mom…Mom, you should be here with us, because Dad isn't…Mom, I think you and Dad died the same day…but, Mom, I think Sara Jane will bring life to our family

I lift my eyes and see the other light in my life. She's crying, as if she could feel what I feel. As if she could hear my internal battle.

Mom, Nessie is back and Sara Jane was born and they will make life better

"Time's up" the nurse enters the room "The new mom needs rest"

As soon as we leave the room, I rush toward Nessie. She's standing with Landon in the hallway, smiling at something he has just said. When my best friend spots me, he gives Nessie a quick hug, then he waves goodbye at me. I suppose he guessed I needed a moment with Nessie…I think I need a life time with her.

"Hey, let's go somewhere…anywhere…just you and me" I breathe as soon as I reach her

She smiles tenderly at me "Your car or mine?"

I wince "I rode in Landon's car"

"Give me a minute, then" She walks to her mother, probably asking her if she could catch a ride with her Charlie and Sue. Nessie's mom nods and looks in my direction with a happy smile. I've always liked Nessie's mom. She's very maternal and nice.

Nessie comes back "Let's go somewhere…anywhere" she jokes

We walk to her car, but when we reach it, she takes the passenger seat and throws the keys at me "You're driving. I have no idea where anywhere is"

I laugh "Deal"

I start the engine and we pull out the hospital parking lot. I have no idea where I'm going, but I like it. I like the dark sky above us. I like Nessie's smell in the car. I like the softness of her skin when I bring her hand to my mouth for a kiss. I like the sound of her laugh when she tells me my stubble tingles. I like the sigh of contempt she exhales when she looks through the window.

Before I know it, we are standing in front of Candace's house "What are we doing here?" she wonders

"Sneaking in" I say as I start climbing the fence

Nessie gasps "We could simply call Candace"

I extend my hand to help her climb "Where's the fun in that?"

"What if we get caught?" she asks but she's already climbing the fence

I keep her hand in mine and lead her to the sequoia tree. We're trying to make as little noise as we can, but it's not easy when we're both fighting a bubble of laughter.

My heart is racing in my chest at the sight of the tree. It's big and imposing, but it's where I shared my very first kiss. The best one I've ever had.

Each one of us takes a swing. We gaze at the dark blue sky, but somehow, tonight, the stars shine brighter.

"Want to know a secret, Nessie?" I ask her

She laughs "Yes, I do"

"I loved kissing you here…tonight" I smile at the dark sky

She breathes heavily, she knows where I'm getting at and she plays along "We haven't kissed tonight"

I face her with a grin "Is that so? Then, I think we should rectify that" I approach her slowly, but unlike me all those years ago, Nessie meets me halfway. Our lips brush lightly at first, but as soon as I slip my tongue in her mouth, our kiss becomes frantic, needy, hungry…explosive.

When we finally pull away from each other, gasping for air, she says "Want to know a secret, Jacob?"

"Yeah" I reply out of breath

"I loved kissing you here tonight" she states against my lips

Just when we're ready to leave, the irrigation system starts, making both of us jump in surprise. Nessie squeals and we both freeze when the light to the backyard is switched on.

"Who's there?" Candace's father asks

Nessie and I exchange a glance, contemplating the idea of running away, but I think it's a bit too late for that. How the fuck are we going to explain what we're doing here?

Candace's father walks to us, not recognizing neither of us in the dark night. Candace who's right behind is the one who does "Charlie? Jacob? What the hell are you doing here?"

I blurt out the first thing that pops in my mind "My sister has just had a baby" Fuck. I sound like a lunatic

Nessie looks at me and bursts in laughter, while Candace shakes her head at us "Told you we should watch this fence" she tells her father as she goes back inside

"Well, next time, use the door. I wouldn't want to mistake you for intruders and use my firearm" Candace's dad says

"Yes, sir" I answer quickly

We leave through the fence, both of us too ashamed to face Candance's family. It takes us at least five minutes to stop laughing. Nessie drives me home in silence, but not an awkward type of silence.

Before I hop out of the car, I give Nessie a quick peck on the lips although I want to devour her mouth and kiss her to oblivion. But I don't want to rush things between us. It's Nessie, for Fuck's sake. My past, my present and I'll make her my damn future.

%%%

A/N: Hey everyone, hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please, hit the comment section bellow and let me know if you liked it. Xx. Shino87


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N : Thank you for following the story and for your great reviews. Sorry it took me so long to post a new chapter, I promise to do my best to post a new one ASAP. Enjoy this one, and let me know what you think of it. Xx**

 **Charlie/Nessie**

For Candace's tenth birthday, I had my best friend invite Jake. Not only because it was an opportunity to spend time together, but because I wanted my two favorite people in the world –aside from my family of course- to get along, seeing how I intended for them to be permanent in my life.

I wouldn't say they hated each other, or even disliked one another, they did tolerate each other, but I wanted them to be friends, which seemed to be too much asking from both of them. I couldn't understand why they didn't make any efforts in that regard, but Jacob was the type to keep to himself and Candace was a lot like him in this aspect of her personality.

"I can't believe my parents invited Claryssa to my birthday party" Candace pouted beside me

"Yeah, I know" Claryssa James was the school witch everybody avoided

My best friend rolled her eyes "Then again, I didn't even want a birthday party in the first place" she glanced down at her Alice in wonderland costume and sighed

"On the bright side, I think you make a beautiful brunette Alice in wonderland" I try to cheer her up

She rolls her eyes, but I don't miss the hint of a smile playing on her lips "Anyways" she sighs "Black is coming your way" then she turned on her heels and left

When I turned around, my breath caught in my lungs. Jacob was wearing a white button down shirt and black slacks. He looked so frigging handsome that I had a hard time looking away from him. I waved at him and within few strides, he was beside me.

He said he liked my dress and the nest of butterflies living in my belly took flight. We chat some more, then I take him to the sequoia tree that I like so much, in the Chenney's garden. I've always loved to share the things I liked with Jake.

We sit on the swings attached to the tree, admiring the view. My heart is thumping against my chest. I've been wondering how to do this for so long. Should I ask him to kiss me? We live in a modern world, I could simply go ahead and kiss him instead…what if he rejects me?

As the turmoil in my head was going on, I decided to be brave and take the initiative

"Want to know a secret, Jacob?" I asked not meeting his eyes

"Yes, I do" His voice was like music to my ears

I smile happily at him, ignoring my racing heart "You were my first kiss"

"What?" he looked stunned. I almost felt bad when I realized he was having a mental battle "We never kissed, Nessie" he breathed softly

"Is that so?" ok, I'm a big girl, I can do this "Then I think we should rectify that" I stop swinging and reach for him, he doesn't move and I'm scared he doesn't want me to kiss him, but the moment our lips meet, he proves me wrong. Jacob wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted it and the kiss! It was like nothing I've ever experienced…it was my first kiss, true but I doubt it would have been that good with another boy.

I loved feeling his pillowy lips against mine. I loved how our mouths started performing this dance, so naturally, like they've been practicing this for ages. I loved how good he tasted and the moment we stopped kissing, I wanted to start all over again.

Then, the next day, we were back to being 'just friends'. I was hoping for Jake to kiss me again, to be next to take the initiative, but he never did and I wasn't sure it was appropriate to be the one to kiss him first once again. So, I pretended it never happened and Jacob followed along.

 **Present days**

The moment Jacob steps out of my car, I feel like jumping, dancing and singing all at once. Jacob Black has just kissed me, I want to shout out loud for the whole world to know. I might sound like an immature teenager, but believe me…I don't give a damn. I've been waiting, dreaming and fantasizing about this, since the first time he kissed me and that was years ago.

I go silently to my bedroom, trying not to wake up my parents in the process, as soon as I close the door behind me, I jump on the bed and scream happily in my pillow, throwing my legs in the air, like crazy. My phone buzzes beside me, stopping my post-kissing party.

"What was that about?" comes Candace's voice through the phone

"He kissed me…ahhhh…It was like one of those kisses you only see in movies" I grin

"The difference between movie kisses and reality ones, is that movie kisses are not real" I imagine Candace rolling her eyes

I shush her "Don't ruin this for me, Candace. I've been waiting for ages, so let me be a 14 or 15 year old telling her best friend about her kiss with her high school crush"

Jacob should have given me this kiss when I still was a teenager, but better late than never, I guess.

"Ok, then let me be my fifteen year old self and ask you if he used his tongue" Candace yawns on the phone

"Show some interest, Candy and Yeah, he most definitely used this talented tongue of his" I sing song

She laughs "So what now? Are you together or something?"

I sigh "I guess we're still 'or something'…but, it's a huge step forward" sadly, I never know where I'm standing with Jake. Many things happened these days and tonight's event was a big deal in Jake's life. I can't help but wonder if that kiss wasn't the result of the joy Sara's birth brought to his life. When we are overwhelmed, we tend to do things on the spur of the moment that we wouldn't necessarily do under other circumstances.

"Why in my garden?" she chuckles

I blush remembering how we got caught by her father. I wonder how I'll react next time I see Mr and Mrs Chenney.

"He wanted it to be like our first kiss…it was so romantic" my mind goes back to tonight's events and I forget Candace for a second

She clears her throat "Should I give you and your imagination some privacy?"

"I think I'm in love with Jake's lips. I could kiss them forever" I say jokingly

Candace laughs at that "You know, I think when Jacob kissed you, he swallowed your brain in the process"

"Quite possible…I haven't been able to think properly from the moment it happened…I should probably call school and tell them I quit because of a post-kissing brain trauma"

"Good night, Charlie" Candace says between giggles "If you manage to sleep at all"

She must be right; I'm too excited to close my eyes

%%%

I wake up with a terrible migraine due to my lack of sleep. I really should learn to control my emotions and more precisely, my overexcitement over all the things Jacob does. It's just that I haven't been this happy since he pulled away from me. He is a piece of me. A primordial element for my happiness.

I wouldn't say Jacob is necessary for my survival as I know perfectly well I can live without him, however, there's a huge difference between 'can' and 'want'. My life without him is ordinary, tasteless, uneventful but the moment he was back, all those long forgotten emotions were back too…the good and the bad and honestly, how can you pretend to love someone, if you don't love both the positive and negative sides that make them who they are?

I love all of him. Always have and I've come to understand that I always will

"Morning" I shuffle to the kitchen and sit on the bar stool

My father kisses me on the forehead "When did you get back home? We didn't hear you"

I scratch my neck "I don't know…it was quite late"

My father places a plate of pancakes before me and syrup. I'm really glad I can eat all I want and not gain a pound. Candace says it's the enhanced Cullen gene, I say it's the 10 miles I run every early morning…except for today, but I have a good excuse…I've had an almost sleepless night.

"Someone didn't have their beauty sleep" My mom joins us in the kitchen "What's with the puffy eyes, sweetheart? Something happened?"

Yeah, the man of my dreams, you know that boy I've been yearning for, for years…well, he kissed me last night and it was explosive.

"Nothing monumental" I say instead but my mom sends a knowing look my way. I've always wondered how moms manage to always know what's happening in their kids' lives. I guess it's a mother superpower.

She puts two big boxes on the floor and announces "Rebecca is leaving the hospital, she's going to stay one more night at her father's place before going back to Spokane"

"Already" I scowl between bites of pancakes

She nods "I've collected some of your baby outfits for Sara Jane" she smiles

"You kept them all this time!" I squeal

"You outgrew them so quickly, they're practically new" she frowns

She turns to my father and plants a kiss on his lips "I'm going to the Black's house to drop the boxes, could you put them in my car, honey?"

"Sure" he smiles lovingly at her

I jump from my seat "Give me 10 minutes. I'm coming with you"

My mom checks her watch, then back at me "You've got five"

I groan and run to my room. Five minutes! Seriously, I don't even know what I should wear. I'm feeling suddenly self-conscious about my appearance. Jake will probably be there. I want to be attractive.

"Four minutes" my mom shouts from the kitchen

Ok, I get this

Not having a choice, I settle for a pair of faded blue jeans a loose grey tank top and flip flops. I let my curls fall flawlessly on my back. I brush my teeth quickly and apply some pink lip stick. I grab my cell phone and hurry to the door.

"Where's mom?" I ask my father out of breath

He raises his eyes from the newspaper "Waiting for you in the car"

I jump in the passenger seat and fasten my seatbelt. My mom appraises me with a satisfied grin "Looking good"

"As good as five minutes would allow me to" I roll my eyes

The moment my mom stops the car, I jump from the car "Aren't you going to help?" she gestures to the boxes

"Oh, sorry" I take one of them and hurry to the house, followed by my mother

Timothy is the one to open the door, he invites us and my eyes roam over the house, looking for a certain someone.

"Bella" Rebecca greets my mother happily when she walks in the living room with her daughter in her arms.

My mom smiles happily at her "Hey, Rebecca. How's your little angel?"

"She's good" Timothy puts his arm around Rebecca's shoulders looking proudly at her

"I brought you some of Renesmee's baby stuff" she gestures to the boxes

"Oh that's so nice of you"

This is when I notice that she looks like she's about to go out, so does Timothy and the baby. There are bags on the floor as well. Shouldn't she be resting or something?

When she notices I'm looking curiously at the bags, she says "We're leaving today"

"You should rest some more" My mom scolds her

She shakes her head "I don't want to stay, Bella" she glances behind her back and I assume she looked at her father's bedroom "I can't…stand this"

My mom simply nods, like she knows what Rebecca means. I on the other hand keep looking for Jacob.

"He's in his room" Rebecca whispers in my ear, when Timothy and my mom start a conversation about baby colic.

I sent her a grateful look and excuse myself. I walk down the hall, reviving the childhood memories I had here. I knock lightly on the door

"Come in"

When I enter, Jacob has his back to me, while placing some of his books back on the book shelf by his bed. Fiction by The XX is playing on his IPod Hi-Fi. He's got a serious expression on the face, deep in concentration. I could watch him do this all day…I'm really turning into a creepy person.

"Hey" I lean against the door

He turns instantly his eyes on me, a beautiful smile playing on his lips…those lips I've become acquainted with once again…those lips I'm eager to taste again "Nessie"

I try desperately to find something to say "You didn't go to the garage?" that's the best I could come up with.

He shakes his head, giving me his trademark smile "Nah, Rebecca, Timothy and the baby are leaving today" he sits on the edge of his desk

Why is he staying away from me? Doesn't he want to kiss me again? Does he regret what happened yesterday?

"Renesmee…We're leaving" I hear my mom's voice

I turn my attention back to Jake "I've got to go"

He jumps from the desk and in one stride he's in front of me "Wait" his right hand is on my neck and the other one on my hip. He presses his lips against mine and I return the kiss passionately. He bites lightly my lower lip and I open my mouth, allowing him to slip his tongue inside. Our tongues dance together and tease each other. I reach for him, needing the proximity and he's more than happy to oblige, as he presses his body against mine.

"I've been thinking about you nonstop" he breathes against my lips

"Me too" I admit

My mom's impatient scowl break us apart "Renesmee Charlie Cullen, you'd better be here before I finish this sentence"

I give him a quick peck on the lips "I'll call you"

On the way home, I can't stop grinning the whole ride. I have no idea what the future holds for Jacob and I, but I'm willing to discover it.

%%%

A/N: Thanks for reading and following the story. Hit the comment section bellow and let me know what you thought of it. Xx. Shino87

Gg asked me if I could include salsa in the story and the answer is yes, I will try to include it


	23. Chapter 23

**Jacob Black**

My sister and her family just left. She couldn't stay one more second in this house, she admitted, looking at me with those sad eyes. Honestly, I can't blame her for that. Fuck. I'd be the first to run away if I could. This house that used to be so full of life and love has become a refuge of misery. All those good memories that it contained were replaced by those of an addict father and a dead mother.

Going away for school was my only chance to escape this place; I came back for summer break only to realize that my future is jeopardized by a sad widowed man who thinks that alcohol is the solution to his problems.

Not a single day goes by without me agonizing over the choices I've made and over the ones I'll have to make. I feel trapped in an abject life that scares the shit out of me. I've stopped being a kid, when I most needed to be one. After my mother's death, the moment I'd step home, I had to embody the spirit of an adult, when I still was a teenager.

I hate these walls that hold the blood of my fists. I hate the floor that holds my flood of tears. I hate those windows that hold the reflection of my miserable face. Yet, I might be doomed to stay here for longer than I would want.

Then, there's Nessie…My light. My dream. My fantasy.

Which kind of life can I offer her? If I drop from school, I'd have to work in my father's garage earning an income that barely covers the bills and my father's liquor.

My eyes are glued to the ceiling of my room, while I'm lying on my bed. A light knock on the door stirs me from my dark thoughts.

"Hey bro. Got a sec?" Landon walks in

I straighten and sit on the edge of the bed "Sure. You ok?"

He clears his throat "Yeah, just wanted to thank you for your hospitality…" he runs a hand in his hair not meeting my eyes "I'm leaving tomorrow"

"What? Why?" I snap unhappily "Is it your father?"

He laughs humorlessly "Damn right. He wants his quote 'ungrateful piece of shit to bring his ass home' unquote"

Despite the fact he won't admit how much it hurts, I can read it in his eyes.

"Fuck. How long will you stay there?" I'm beyond irritated, but I try to hide it

He shrugs "Dunno. Few days maybe, just to have him and his bitch shut the fuck up for a while" he runs both palms on his face "Motherfucker"

I nod, unable to say anything

"So, anyway. I was thinking to treat you, Sean and the girls for dinner, tonight" he grins at me "That way, I'm giving you an excuse to see Nessie, seeing how you won't ask her on a date"

I glare at him "I'm planning on taking her on a fucking date"

I've been obsessing over it. Thinking about the perfect first date, I even googled "first date ideas" but got nothing that would guarantee to sweep her from her feet. I've never been on a date with a girl that mattered as much as Nessie. I know how to fuck girls, but I have no idea how to date them.

"Right" Landon sends an unconvinced glance my way "Meanwhile, try not to ruin things with her, loverboy"

"You haven't just called me that" I glare at him

He turns on his heels "I'm calling the guys, later Jake"

I'm not thrilled about him going back to his father's place. Their relationship is tumultuous and I know how much it affects Landon and I'm not even counting this piece of shit of step mother that he has.

%%%

Landon appears at my bedroom door some time later "Are you still asking your magic mirror if you've got the biggest cock in the world?"

"Nope. I stopped doing it when I realized it got even bigger when a chick approached it. Now, that's what I call magic"

He laughs at that "Stop admiring your reflection and get in the damn car. We're going to be late"

"Since when do you care about punctuality?"

"Since now" he shouts while he heads to the door

The ride to Casa di Pasta, an Italian restaurant down town, is quite silent. Landon doesn't talk much on the way. I can tell he's stressed about tomorrow and I really feel bad for him. When we finally reach the restaurant, Sean and Kelcey are already there sitting at a long table on the far end of the restaurant, by the windows that cover the restaurant walls. It's the first time I come here, since it's the kind of place I can't afford. It's chic and fancy. All the tables have white tablecloths with candles in the middle. The waiters are wearing black slacks and white shirts and there's even a Maitre d'O who accompanies us to our table.

"I believe you are expecting two more people, Mr Grimes" the Maitre d'O asks Landon politely

"Yes, two ladies" he replies with a smile

"Excellent. Let me know if you need anything" he states before he retreats

We greet Kelcey and Sean and engage in a small

talk, while waiting for the girls. I'm really eager to see Nessie…To touch her and kiss her, now that I can finally do it. This girl has me head over toes. My lips are addicted to hers. We're like two magnets that are pulled toward each other as soon as they are in the same room.

"Excuse me, Sir" the maitre d'O interrupts our conversation "Your guests are here...Ladies" he gestures to the girls

Landon and I both stand up the help the girls to their seats and my breath catches the moment my eyes land on Nessie. She's wearing a red one shoulder pencil dress that stops at her knees and black heels. Her hair is in an updo with some curly locks falling on the sides. She looks otherworldly. She notices how I'm assessing her hungrily and she bites her lower lip to fight a smile.

"You look…wow" I murmur in her ear as I hold the chair that's across from mine for her. I return to my seat.

Her eyes roam over my body before she gives me a dazzling smile "So do you"

"Didn't your mother tell you it's impolite to stare?" Candace rolls her eyes at Landon, who's been not so subtly gazing at her. She looks angelic in her white short sleeve chiffon dress with lace…until she speaks, that is.

Her comment makes me wince

"I'm sure she would have…if she lived long enough" Landon smiles like it's no big deal. His mother died shortly after he was born.

Candace looks mortified "I'm sorry"

"Wow…Its' ok, little girl. It's not like I miss her or something…I've never known her" he shrugs it off hurriedly "But, seriously" he looks her in the eyes "You sure, you're not related to Frodo?"

She flares "I can't believe I felt sorry for you like two seconds ago"

"Have you decided what you are going to have?" A waiter smiles at us

"Yes" Candace is the first to answer happily "I'll have a plate of Penne Arabiata and what's this?" she points to something on her menu

"Oh that's Conchiglioni, it's …" the waiter starts to explain only to have Candace interrupt him

"Never mind, I'll have it as it's quite costly and bring me your most expensive wine" She bats her lashes at the waiter who seems mesmerized by her

"You're dinking, tonight?" Nessie asks skeptically

She frowns "Of course not" she turns her attention on Landon "but, who cares, since I'm not paying for it"

Landon shakes his head with a huge grin. These two seem to bring out the worst in each other. Candace might have always had a smart mouth, but Landon is not the type to enjoy teasing a girl this way. I'm not saying he's a gentleman...hell, no. He's a playboy and a flirt, but with Candace, it's almost like he looks forward to getting her pissed. I guess I only pick the craziest people to hang out with.

"Candace has always been like gasoline…quickly inflammable" Kelcey smiles dreamily at Landon "And you Landon are as torrid as fire…So, if you two decide to have some action under the sheets, it would be…"

"Explosive" Nessie finishes for her, earning a glare from her best friend

"I think the bed would combust" Kelcey smirks

Nessie nods "I think the house would combust"

Kelcey shakes her head "Know what, I think the whole planet would combust"

Landon clears his throat "Seeing how we don't want to be the reason behind the apocalypse…" he starts

"We will never sleep together" Candace finishes for him and they bump their fists together

I chuckle "Look at you, you're already finishing each other's sentences. Cute" I really couldn't let this one go

We fall in an easy conversation, the rest of the evening. I seize any opportunity to touch Nessie. I hold her hand on the table, tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, bump my knee against hers under the table, until images of me kissing her flood my mind.

I stand up "I'll hit the can" when everybody looks away I mouth "Follow me" to Nessie. One minute later, she's heading to the ladies room. I take her in my arms and push her against the wall leading to the toilets, people going in and out of the restroom stare at us, but I don't give two shits about them. I crash my lips on hers, her hands fly to my hair and she grips me harder. My tongue invades her mouth and all rational thoughts leave my mind. My hands grip her ass to bring her closer and she moans in pleasure.

She pulls away from me, gasping for air "We should go back" but she doesn't seem convinced by her own words, as she kisses me between each word.

"We should" I kiss her one last time, then we head to the table. Our friends are so engrossed in their conversation that they don't seem to notice us.

"So, what are we celebrating, tonight?" Sean asks

Landon lifts his glass of wine smiling "To my departure"

The whole table goes silent. Even Candace looks taken aback.

"You're leaving?" Nessie gasps

"Tomorrow" he sips from his glass

When we leave the restaurant, none of us seems particularly happy or excited like we usually are, when we hang out together. Nessie and I are holding hands, not saying a word. Sean and Landon are talking about keeping in touch, while Kelcey and Candace are simply walking behind them.

When we reach the parking lot, Kelcey turns around and says "I don't feel like calling it a night. Let's go somewhere else"

"It's Tuesday night. We could go to Christina Amaral dancing class. Tonight it's salsa" Nessie suggests

"I'm in" Kelcey raises her hand

"I have two left feet" Sean complains

Kelcey puts her arms around his neck "This is why it's a dancing class, babe" she kisses him

"I'll go where you go" I murmur to Nessie and she rewards me with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen

%%%

The dancing studio is more crowded than I expected, most of them are regular students, who come here every week. They're even on a first name basis with the dance teacher.

Except for Kelcey, who's doing great. We're all quite bad at it, but we're really having fun.

"One…two…three… One…two…three…" Left hand on the lower back. She places my hand where she wants on Nessie's back.

She walks towards Candace and her dancing partner "Bodies closer"

When she gets to Landon, who's dancing with an old lady who seems completely charmed by him, Christina smiles seductively at him "Very good, Landon"

She already knows his name. Why am I not surprised?

I hold tightly Nessie in my arms, glad to have the perfect excuse to press my body to hers. I try to ignore her hand that's stroking my hair. Our noses touch, but she backs away, the moment I tilt my head to brush her lips with my own.

"Nuh" she caresses my mouth with her finger "You'll have to earn it"

I like her playful expression "What should I do, then?"

The idea of working for it has me both excited and anticipating. I want her so damn much that I feel like my whole body is blazing with desire. I want her to be mine in all the possible ways.

"I don't know...Surprise me" she spins around, still in my arms. But when she faces me again, her beautiful smile is replaced by a frown as she glances behind my back "What is it, baby?"

"Something is wrong with Candace" her eyes are still on something behind me

I turn around to see Candace's face paling and her eyes filled with terror, an emotion I didn't think I'd ever see on her. I hurry to her side "Everything ok, here?"

"Yeah" her dancing partner, a short guy around our age scuffs "We were just dancing, then when I held her closer like Christina asked, she went all psycho on me"

Candace puts her hand on her chest, probably trying to control her emotions "I'm sorry...I just overreacted"

A couple of people who were dancing near them, approach us "Wait, that's the frigid bitch" a skinny girl with too much tan laughs "We went to the same school. Remember her?" she asks the guy with her

I fist my hands in fury. Aren't they tired of calling her this? This rumor has been around since High school. I can't believe she still has to bear with this crap.

"Yeah, right. Psycho and Frigid" he smirks and before I know it, Landon's fist lands on his face. The girl screams in terror, while Candace's former dance partner launches at Landon. I tackle him before he reaches him. Sean who didn't witness anything, joins the fight anyway. Other guys hurry to disentangle us, but we end up beating up just whoever grips us.

The girls try to intervene, but some guy tells them to stay out of it and I'm grateful for that.

One hour later, we're at the police station. With bruises and cuts here and there. Nessie helps me clean my cuts and cover them, using the first aid kit Sheriff Swan gave us. Candace is doing the same with Landon, whose lip is split.

"Why did you have to hit him?" Candace asks furiously Landon while applying ointment on his lip. Even though he's seated, she barely hovers over him

"Nobody gets to insult you…except for me" he deadpans "Ouch…you didn't have to press on my poor lip"

"You deserved it" she scowls at him "And I'm glad you're leaving" she turns on her heels

I hear her mutter a "I'm so screwed" when she passes us by

"Ok, kids" Sheriff Swan announces "You can all go home, now. I took your deposition and I convinced the owner of the studio not to press any charges against you" he stares at his granddaughter "That's the one and only time, baby girl"

She kissed him tenderly "I promise"

We head outside of the precint and I walk Nessie to Candace's car "Sorry about tonight"

"Are you kidding!" She stands on her tiptoes "It was epic" she presses her lips against mine while still smiling. I close my eyes, to appreciate the kiss, as brief as it is.

"Did I earn it?" I ask referring to the kiss

Her eyes bore in mine "You beat the shit out of the guy who called my best friend a Frigid Psycho"

I press my forehead to hers "Actually, it was Landon"

She laughs at that "Yeah, but I can't kiss him, can I?" when I shake my head, she adds "Besides, you did throw some serious punches at the other guy"

I can tell none of us wants to let go of the other. We're streching this conversation unnecessarily in an attempt to stay longer in each other's arms. I like how she seems to be as addicted to me as I am to her.

"You're into bad guys?" I raise an eyebrow

"I'm into you" she murmmurs in my ear before biting it lightly and hopping in the passenger seat of Candace's car

I watch the car disappear on the road, not able to believe tonight's events. I have no idea how a night that started in a fancy restaurant ended in a police station, but I know this is something I would definitely share with my grandchildren.

%%%

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and following the story. Hope you liked this new chapter. Hit the comment section bellow and share your reviews. I'm always eager to read them. Xx. Shino87**


	24. Chapter 24

**Nessie/Charlie**

What is friendship really? I can hardly come up with an accurate description of my own, except that it's another form of love, lacking the romantic part of course, but both feelings are deep and genuine in the same way.

I've known Candace Chenney since forever. She was there in every step of my life. We shared our happiness and our pain. We might not share the same blood, but she's always been by far the sister I've always wanted. We had a strong bond, that many envied us.

"Mom, can you drive me to Candace's place" I ask as I hop in my mother's car after school "She's called in sick…again and she won't answer my texts"

We were in junior year of high school; my best friend was not the same anymore since she got back from her summer holidays. She barely talked anymore. Her smiles and laughter were rare and since the beginning of the semester, she's called in sick at least three times, which is not her type at all. The Cancade I know, would drag her ass to school, even when she should be lying in bed, because she doesn't miss class.

My mom looks at me apologetically "Sweety, Candace is sick. She needs rest"

I chew on my bottom lip nervously "Yeah, I just want to check on her"

My mom grips the steering wheel with more strength that necessary "I called Angela this morning, there's nothing to worry about" She doesn't meet my eyes when she speaks

I lay my head against the window and wonder what's going on with Candace, but it doesn't last long, as I spot Jake and my heart jumps in excitement. It was shortly after the Carla incident. He waves at me and I answer with a bright smile.

I should really confess my love to him and soon, I thought to myself, but life had other plans for us, because few weeks later, his mom was dead.

 **Present days**

"Candace, wake up" I'm on my best friend's bed, shaking her incessantly to have her open her eyes, but she's a heavy sleeper.

She moves in bed and growls in annoyance "What the fuck, Charlie? It's not even 8 AM. And I have no tutoring session today, for fuck's sake" She's not a morning person, either. Hence the rudeness

I roll my eyes "Landon is leaving, today"

She covers her head with her blanket "Good riddance"

Why does she have to be so difficult? I remove the blanket from her face and throw it on the floor, then I sit on her lap to prevent her from moving and getting it back "We need to say goodbye"

She straightens "Didn't we do that yester-fucking-day?"

"If I have to tie your arms and legs and drag you to Jake's place, I will" I threaten

She pushes me and stands up "I hate you"

"I love you too" I smile happily

Fifteen minutes later, we're in my father's Volvo, driving towards Jake's house. I'm so excited to see him, but part of me is sad that Landon is leaving. I got used to having him around and he's really grown on me. It's become natural for all of us to expect to see him, whenever we hang out.

"God I hate goodbyes" I mutter "Geez. Would you stop sulking?"

Candace has her eyes closed and her arms folded "I'm not sulking; I'm catching up some sleep"

As I stop the car, I spot Sean's truck. Kelcey and Landon are laughing about something, while Jake and Sean shake their heads at them. They are outside beside Landon's Porsche, probably waiting for us, as I texted Jake when Candace was taking a shower, to tell him we were coming to say goodbye.

"It was about time" Landon chuckles while he gives me a quick hug

"Sorry, sleepy pants over here wouldn't wake up" I gesture to Candace who's giving me the cold shoulder. Well, nobody messes with Candace's sleep, if they don't want to risk a punch on the face. I guess, I got away with it this time.

Landon looks at Candace smiling "Anyway, thanks for being here. It was great meeting you, guys"

Kelcey hugs him tightly "Don't be a stranger, ok?"

"I won't"

Sean and Jake are next to give him this quick one arm hug man give and that I've never been able to get. I mean, it's half a hug, for God's sake.

"Mi casa es su casa, Bro" Jake tells him "You are welcome any time"

I can tell, from the look on Jake's face, that he's sad that Landon is leaving and he seems worried for a reason I ignore. I wonder what's going on in Landon's life. What's the rush? Why did he decide to leave all of a sudden? Was it related to that phone call he got from his father? I guess I'll never know, but I hope to see him soon.

"Come-on Nessie slash Charlie" He opens his arms for me and I run right to him. He squeezes me with a groan, but I can tell it's just to piss off Jake "Keep an eye on him, ok?" he murmurs in my ear so that nobody hears

I smile affectionately at him "Promise" I sigh "I'll miss you"

He pulls away from me a little to look in my eyes "I'll be in touch"

Jacob clears his throat, and both Landon and I laugh, because he's clearly out of patience. I've seen him glaring at us several times, from the moment Landon took me in his arms. I stand beside Jacob and we intertwine our fingers.

Candace walks towards Landon, but she doesn't look him in the eyes. Instead, she concentrate on her feet "Well, I guess that's it" when she realizes he's not responding, she lifts her eyes to his. They stare at each other for several seconds, as if they were communicating, which I think is the case. Sometimes, people don't need words to speak their minds.

Landon takes one more step towards her, leaving only few inches between them "You are a strong girl, Candace. Don't let your past drag you down"

She stiffens "I…I have no idea what you're talking about"

He smiles at her but I see sadness in his eyes and I don't understand what he sees in Candace that I've failed to notice "Broken souls sense each other, little girl"

Candace swallows hard before she extends her hand at him "Goodbye Landon"

He shakes her hand "Bye, Candace"

We watch his car leave the driveway

What did Landon mean? Which past was he talking about? Why did he call her a broken soul? None of us missed the conversation they have just had. I guess we were all hoping for them to hug, or kiss or have a revelation and decide to become something, but instead, we're left with more interrogations than before.

Jake checks his watch "I've got to go" he kisses my forehead "I'll call you when I finish work"

I nod

"Have to go to work, too" Sean stares lovingly at his girlfriend "You're riding with the girls?"

She nods then kisses him passionately on the mouth "See you tonight"

"Breakfast at Beca's Doughnut House, my treat" Kelcey says eagerly, as soon as our men leave.

"I can never refuse a free waffle" Candace hurries to the car

%%%

We're sitting at our usual booth at Beca's Doughnut House. The waitress comes back with our orders and I'm salivating from the look of them. I know for a fact how tasty they are. They are what I miss most during school year, aside from family and friends of course…ok, maybe sometimes I miss Beca's doughnuts even more, but that's a secret.

The moment we bite in our doughnuts, all three of us moan in delectation.

"I think I've just had a mouthgasm" Kelcey moans with her eyes shut

"They're so good" I sigh

"The best" Candace chimes in

"Speaking of mouthgasms" Kelcey turns her attention on Candy "Landon looks really yummy…don't you want to have a bite?" she winks

Candace rolls her eyes "For the umpteenth time, I'm not interested in him" she looks particularly irritated today "Stop trying to set me up, it won't work…I can't do this"

I tap gently her shoulder "It's fine. Calm down, Candace"

She brushes me off "No, it's not fine. I'm not fine. When will you finally get it…I can't be in a relationship when I have no idea how long it will last until I run away"

"Nobody can predict those things Candace, but we have to give it a chance" Kelcey says softly

Candace shakes her head "Not me…I can't feel anything…not physically, not emotionally…nothing…I've tried again and again, but I can't, nothing happens…I'm broken…destroyed" I can see her fighting tears "It's been taken away from me. I will never feel those things" her whole body is shaking and my heart is sinking "I've been ruined forever" she whispers this last part and deep down I know what happened but I can't bring myself to say it, I can't bring myself to accept it

"What happened to you, Candace?" I ask

She looks me in the eyes with so much distress, so much hurt and I know, yes I know, but I'm not sure I want to hear her say it…I don't know if I'm ready to hear it, then again I'll never be

"My first time was a rape" a single tear falls down her face and my heart breaks in a million pieces.

Kelcey jumps from her seat "I think I'm sick" is all she manages to say before she puts her hand on her mouth and runs to the restroom

Candace stares through the window "I thought that if I pretended it didn't happen… that it was just a very bad dream" she adds in a small voice "That I could believe it"

I approach her to take her in a hug, but she scoots away, avoiding my eyes "Don't…not when I'm like this"

We remain silent, until Kelcey comes back, her face livid. I guess I look just like her right now. I have no idea what to say, or what to do. I just feel like I failed the one person who's always been there for me when I was at my lowest, but I failed to see how miserable and shattered she was.

They say that emotional pain can become physical when it's too strong. I confirm. My whole body hurts; I can't move my legs or my arms. I feel dizzy and hollow. None of us says a word from then.

Not on the way to Candace's place, not when she hops out of the car and enters her place. Not when it's just me and Kelcey in the car. Not when I drop Kels at Sean's workplace.

As soon as I get home, I slam the door of the car and storm in the house. I'm going through the five stages of grief. I've started with denial and isolation, now it's anger

"You knew it all along" I cry and yell at my mom who was storing groceries in the fridge

She looks at me in utter shock "What's wrong, Baby?"

I lift my hands in the air to stop her from approaching me "Don't…don't come closer" Tears are flooding my face and I can barely breathe "I had the right to know, mom. She's my best friend" I can't stop crying "I should have been there for her"

I see realization drown in my mother's face "Oh baby" she puts her hand on her mouth as tears fall down her face "I'm so sorry"

My dad hurries to the kitchen "What's going on, here?" he asks worriedly

I let myself fall to the floor and bring my knees to my chest, bumping the back of my head against the wall "I had the right to know" I say over and over in agony

I feel like falling deeper and deeper in the abyss. I should have been there for her. Taken her hand and told her that it was ok and that we were in this together. That she wasn't alone. I want to shout, I want to scream to the world, I'm so angry and hurt. The pain is unbearable.

My mom drops to her knees "She didn't want you to know and I respected her wish" she chokes on more tears

I push my mother away, although I know it's not her fault, but I need someone to blame and for now, it's her "I'm staying at grandpa Charlie's place"

My father takes my mom in his arms and strokes her back while she cries. I collect few things from my room and put them in a bag. The tears have stopped now. All I feel is a headache and cold.

When I reach my grandpa's house, I find Sue waiting me for me, a look of sympathy on her face. I guess my mom called to tell her what happened. I go directly to my bedroom and hop under the covers. I drift off to sleep, trying to forget my migraine and more importantly Candace's secret.

I open my eyes to the sound of my phone ringtone. I'm disoriented at first as I look around me, then I remember where I am and why I am here. I must have slept for hours, because it's already dark outside.

The tears well up in my eyes and my chest contracts again, and I wish I was still asleep, at least I didn't feel like this. My phone rings again and I have no choice but to check the caller.

It's Jake, but I don't feel like talking to anybody. Not even him. So, I ignore his calls

My phone buzzes again, but it's a text this time

 _Open the damn window_

I jump to my feet and open the window, letting him slip through it. He's worried and pissed "Your mom called me. What's wrong, Nessie?"

Everything is wrong. I want to yell at him. Every damn thing is wrong and the moment I open my mouth to say something, I choke on my words and cry even harder, he tries to take me in his arms, but I push him away, seeing how he won't let go, I start hitting him and telling him to leave, but in vain. He grips my wrists, then brings me to his chest, while stroking my back soothingly.

He lifts me in his arms and takes me to bed, he tucks me under the covers then joins me. Once he settles beside me, he collects me in his arms and keeps stoking my back while I'm still sobbing.

"I failed her, Jake…I failed my best friend" the tears won't stop, neither the pain "I was so absorbed by my own sorrow, that I failed to figure out what she was going through, Jake"

He kisses my forehead "What happened?"

I shake my head "I can't tell you. It's not my secret to share" as I say this, I realize it's exactly what my mom has been doing and although I still feel betrayed, I understand her motivations better "She didn't even want me to know"

"I suppose she had her reasons" he murmurs still stroking my back. My head is on his chest and his heartbeats help me relax a little

"Will I ever forgive myself?"

He kisses my forehead but he doesn't reply

I fall asleep some time after that to the beating heart of the man that I love. That night, I've had a series of bad dreams, all of which included something terrible happening to Candace, nightmares that my best friend has been dealing with for years.

When I open my eyes, Jake is not here anymore, but he's left me a note saying that he had to open the garage and that we would catch up some time later.

I stay in bed, eyes glued to the ceiling, thinking about what it could have been like for Candace all this time. I have so many questions, but I won't ask them until she's ready to answer and I can say she's still having a hard time talking about this part of her past.

Her past! This is what Landon was referring to, but how did he know?

My phone buzzes. It's Kelcey

"Hey" I say weakly

Her voice is husky, from crying I guess "Hey. Wanna meet?"

"Where?" I already jump from bed and start getting ready

"La push"

"Be there in fifteen"

When I reach the beach, it's quite empty this early in the morning, so it doesn't take me long to spot Kelcey sitting on the sand with her knees to her chest. She doesn't notice me as she stares at the waves. I go sit beside her and take her hand in mine.

We remain like this for a while, simply watching the sea and crying silently. Both feeling helpless.

%%%

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Hit the comment section bellow and share your opinion. I'm always eager to read your reviews. Xx. Shino87**

 **Ps: I know that some of you want to read Candace and Landon's POV, but you'll have to be patient** **I promise, we'll get to them soon**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post a new chapter. Hope you'll like this one. Thanks for reading, following and reviewing. As you know it by now, I'm really addicted to your reviews, so keep them coming, please :D**

 **Jacob**

The following days, I fell in a new routine. I'd work in the garage during the day, get home in the evening, and guarantee the house is stocked with enough alcohol for my addicted father to make sure he doesn't leave the house at night, wait until he's passed out, tuck him into bed and head to Sheriff Sawan's house to sleep with Nessie in my arms.

Thanks fuck, my father has been banned recently from most bars in the area and with the Sheriff's help, I convinced (threatened) my father's drink buddies not to come pick him from the house in order to go to some other bars.

Nessie is still upset, but I can tell it's getting less intense with every passing day. Sean called me asking if I knew anything about what happened the day Landon left. Apparently, Kelcey has been really depressed since then and she won't tell him what's wrong. I told him that all I knew was that it has to do with some secret about Candace.

If both Nessie and Kelcey are that distressed, it must be something big, which is why I decided to contact Candace, but it went straight to voice mail.

Candace Cheney is a sweet girl with a big heart and whatever happened to her, I'm sure it was terrible and she didn't deserve it, but you can't help someone who doesn't want you to.

I retrieve my phone from my pocket and text Nessie

 **Me: I'll be done in 5 mn. Get ready in 1h. M taking you out. Jake**

Nessie's text arrives in a heartbeat

 **Nessie: Don't feel like going out. Let's order pizza and stay home instead**

Geez. This is what we've been doing for the past three days. I want her to get out of the house, breathe some fresh air, talk to people. She closed herself in for way too long, now. I know she's blaming herself for ignoring whatever happened to her best friend and remorse is eating her slowly, which has me really worried.

 **Me: Dress up, Cullen, it's a date and I won't take No for an answer. I've waited way too long.**

I can imagine her internal battle, right now. Part of her wanting to agree while there's this other part that thinks she shouldn't be happy, because she's been a terrible person. Hell, I know all about it, I've been through this a million times before. So, I'm not surprised to get her answer only after I'm done showering and about to dress.

 **Nessie: Ok**

Just one word, but my upbeat doesn't falter. I might not have picked the best time to ask her on a date (Well, I haven't exactly asked. Its' more like I informed her) but I couldn't wait any longer. Besides, seeing her that sad broke my heart. I want a change of scenery for her. Even if it lasts few hours only. I'll take what I get.

I pick a pair of dark blue jeans and a white henley I know Nessie likes. I hesitate for a second between the truck or the bike, before finally settling for the truck. It's a date, I need to be a gentleman and do this crap men do in movies for a first date. Honestly, I'm excited about this date as much as the next guy. I've got it all planned in details. Actually, it was all I could think about all day long.

When I pull the car in front of her grandfather's house, I feel nervous all of sudden and I know damn well it's ridiculous, it's Nessie for Fuck's sake, but I've messed up royally my relationship with her for the past years and I really want to make up for my mistakes. I wipe my sweating palms on my jeans. Grab the bouquet of pink tulips I bought for her and head to the door.

"Hello, Sheriff Swan. I'm here to pick Nessie" I say with a shy smile when her grandfather opens the door.

He scrutinizes me for a minute then invites me in "She's not ready, yet" I follow him to the living room "You're a good kid, Jacob" he says as he starts cleaning his shotgun meticulously "But, don't think for a second that it would prevent me from shooting you in the balls if you break my granddaughter's heart…again"

I swallow hard, not because his threats scare the shit out of me, but because I feel embarrassed that he knows I fucked up before.

"Leave him alone, Charlie" Sue comes to my rescue and hugs me tenderly "How are you, Jacob?" She asks, eyes filled with affection.

Sue Clearwater has always been there for all of us, especially after my mother's death and sometimes, it feels like part of mom is still living through her.

"I'm good, thanks" I say nodding

I hear footsteps behind me and spin around only to have my breath caught in my lungs. Nessie is wearing that short green dress she was wearing that first night, I saw her again at Kelcey's party, except this time she's traded her heels for black sandals and a black leather jacket with ¾ sleeves. Her hair is in a side braid and her black eyeliner makes her eyes stunning. She's goddamn gorgeous.

My eyes can't look anywhere else and Nessie seems to feel exactly the same as our eyes lock and none of us says a word. The charge of electricity between us is so palpable that I'm pretty sure there's blue light sparkling between the two of us.

Sheriff Swan clears his throat behind me "Remember what I told you, son"

Nessie chuckles "Charlie, I'm not a little girl anymore"

He glares at her "You'll always be a little girl and don't tempt me or I'll impose a curfew on you"

Nessie takes the bouquet of tulips from my hand with a huge smile, the first one I've seen in days and my heart jumps in excitement "I suppose they're for me"

I nod

Sue takes the bouquet from her and gestures for the door "I'll put these in a vase and leave them in your room. Now, go"

Nessie takes my hand and leads me to the door "Hurry, before he decides to tag along to chaperon"

She starts to open the passenger door, but I stop her and I hold it for her while she slips in. I settle behind the steering wheel and put one of the CDs I recorded earlier in. The music engulfs immediately the car and Nessie explodes in laughter.

"Oh my God, 'moves like Jagger' was my favorite song back in middle school" she starts singing along and I can't help but laugh at the cute way she's using her fist as a mic. That first track is followed by 'Just the way you are' by Bruno Mars, then 'the Edge of Glory' by lady Gaga and Nessie's eyes grow wide like saucers "These are all the 2011 hits. I remember how much I loved those songs when we were 14"

I grin happily and nod my head just as I stop the car in front of "Park and Snack". Nessie's shocked expression is actually funny. Her eyes are glued to the restaurant and she doesn't even realize that I'm holding the car door open, waiting for her to get out.

"I haven't been here since…" she starts and I know what she dare not say. I haven't come here either, since we stopped hanging out. As teenagers, we used to come here every Saturday, to order exactly the same thing every week and spend hours discussing dumb things and laughing.

"I know, now move your ass" I say as I take her hand in mine and lead her to the restaurant. I called them earlier to reserve the table by the window. Our usual table, back when we were teens.

Nessie's eyes roam over the restaurant and I know she's piecing her memories together. As soon as we sit across from each other, an old lady wearing a pink uniform and a white apron, comes to take our orders.

"We're going to have two milkshakes. A chicken burger, without mayo and with extra cheese for her" I refer to Nessie who's observing me with wide eyes "and a double hamburger for me" our usual orders

"You remembered" she asks with a pleased smile

"Of course I do"

We fall in an easy conversation about school. I tell her about Northwestern. About my favorite classes, about my part time job in a garage an hour away from school, about sharing a house with Landon and Nessie tells me about Chicago University, about how hectic her schedule is, about how she hasn't been in Forks in over a year. My chest contracts when she says this. I know I'm the reason behind that.

We devour our food. She holds my hand from across the table. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. We grin stupidly at each other, like we don't have anything to worry about. Just for one night. I want to be fourteen years old again, just for one night.

When we're done, I pay the bill and lead Nessie to the car. I hold her hand over the car console and drive in silence toward our next destination. Movie Theatre

"You're taking me to the movies?" she grins

"I know it sounds a bit cliché, but it has to be done" I shrug

As we enter the movie theatre, Nessie gasps in surprise when she sees the posters of the movie playing tonight. The girl with the dragon tattoo. I remember how happy she was, when the movie was released back in 2011. She had read the millennium saga and she said contrary to what she expected, the movie wasn't a disappointment at all.

When I decided to take Nessie on a date, I wanted it to be epic, special, and unique and I wanted for it to help repent for my mistakes. So, when I came across this announcement about a rerun of The girl with the dragon tattoo, I knew what I had to do.

I buy a strawberry slushie for Nessie and pop corn. We take our seats, our hands still intertwined, with her head resting on my shoulder. Fifteen minutes after the movie starts, I tell Nessie we have to go.

"Do you have somewhere else to be?" she asks with visible disappointment as we leave the movie theatre

"Sort of" I lead her to the car and push her lightly against the hood. I give her a chaste kiss, but it turns quickly into an electric one, as Nessie grabs my hair. I pull away before I lose control "Did you like our first, first date?"

She grins "First, first date?"

I rest my forehead on hers "That was our first date as fourteen year old Jacob and Nessie. Now, let's go to our second first date"

Nessie looks out of words as she hops in the car and I close the door behind her. I get in and place the second CD.

Blurred lines, by Robin Thicke ft T.I and Pharell blasts in the stereo and Nessie laughs "Let me guess, we're sixteen"

"Good guess" I wink at her

For our sixteen year old date, I take her bowling. It turns out, Nessie is a natural. She's done at least three strikes before I had to stop her, in order to get to our next stop. The beach.

It's crowded day and night during summer. I buy her strawberry ice-cream with smarties, her favorite. We make our way, hand in hand, maneuvering between the other couples, families and kids riding bicycles.

"Ok, now we're headed to our third first date" I say as I settle in the car, but before I turn the ignition Nessie jumps on my lap and holds my head with both hands. She crushed her lips on mine, kissing me with so much passion and desire that I'm tempted to make love to her in the back seat of the car "Baby" I groan "We should stop"

"We're hormonal sixteen year olds, Jacob" she states as she grinds against my groin and my eyes roll in my the back of my head. I put my hands on her hips to stop her from moving against my erection "Fuck. You're driving me crazy" I mutter with a husky voice

"Right back at you" she says between kisses. Her hand travels to my belt and I know that if I don't stop her now, I will never be able to do it later.

"Ok, time out. We have a third date to go to" I push her to the passenger seat

"You sure you don't want to finish what we started?" she grins while she stares at my bulge

I nod "Yep. Don't worry, it will deflate" eventually

Yeah. I have just said No to sex. Yeah, something must be wrong with my fucked up mind. Yeah, I want to fuck Nessie so badly I'm about to explode in my pants. I try to breathe evenly and think about Master Yoda, hairy armpits, my sister's water breaking in the living room…phew, it works.

I put the last CD in the stereo and modern music starts playing. We're back to being nineteen years old

"Where are we?" Nessie asks when we stop in the parking lot of a chic pub

"Malone's. It's one of the best pubs in the area and there's a great band playing tonight" I take her hand in mine and I lead her inside. I order us two non-alcoholic drinks from the bar, and then join Nessie, who's captivated by the indie rock music. Everybody seems entranced, the band is really nice. I hold her from behind and trail kisses on her neck while she lays her head against my chest and puts her hands on my forearms. We sway slowly with her back still pressed to my chest.

It's past 1AM when we leave Malone's. I drive Nessie home in silence, but not an awkward one. The type of nice silence, where you don't need to say anything, because you heart says it all. I walk Nessie to the door and tilt my head to kiss her.

"These were the dates I should have taken you to in every phase of our lives, Nessie. I'm sorry it took me so long" I say honestly

She shakes her head, happiness written all over your face "It was perfect, Jake. Thank you" she hugs me tightly, then pulls back with a smile "I'm leaving the window open, see you in a minute"

I let her go in, but wait fifteen more minutes before climbing to her window. When I see the light of her grandfather's bedroom switch off, I proceed to do my new nightly ritual. When I get in, Nessie is already in her sexy boy shorts and tank top pajamas. Really, it is pure torture to sleep with her in the same bed and not explore this body I crave so much.

I remove my Henley and my jeans, Nessie doesn't look away from me while I change into my sweats and I don't either. Her eyes roam over my body hungrily and I feel the heat rising. I crowl into bed beside her and bring her to my chest, but instead of giving me our usual goodnight kiss, she starts brushing her lips in hot wet kisses against my neck, my throat, my chest, while her hand travels lower in my body.

"Nessie" I warn her as I grab her hand before she slips it under my waistband

She stares at me with lust "I want to make out with my boyfriend"

Boyfriend! Wow, I think I like the sound of it. Nessie notices my stunned face and she adds hurriedly "Oh shit. It's too soon…"

"No, it's not that. It's just that this word is not enough to express what we really are, but we'll have to keep it until a better word is invented"

Nessie chuckles "So" she says seductively "I suppose you're too prude to have sex before the third date"

I laugh at that "Well, I'm not an easy guy, you know"

"Is that so?" she raises her eyebrows and anything I was about to say vanishes as she grips my cock under my boxers and starts stroking it in a steady movement. Up and down. Up and down

"Fuck Nessie" I say as she starts going faster

"Is it good?" she asks shyly and I realize she probably has never done this before, which makes me even harder.

"Fuck, yeah" I say breathless. I put my hand on hers to tighten her grip a little "Don't worry, It won't break" I wink at her

She covers my lips with hers, while her hand continue to work its magic "Faster, babe" I murmur against her mouth. I stop her hand, just when I'm about to come and hurry to the bathroom. I remove my boxers before I jerk off.

When I'm back to bed, Nessie is waiting for me anxiously "How did I do?"

She's so cute

"You want a rating?" I laugh

She nods eagerly

I kiss her with all my love "A fucking 20 on a scale of 10"

She smiles happily at that

She falls asleep in my arms, while I contemplate the ceiling, deep in thought. I need to put my shit together. Face my problems and become a man, Nessie Cullen would be proud of.

%%%

 **A/N: Hope you liked this new chapter. I'd be happy to read your reviews. Xx. Shino87**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Thanks for reading, following and adding to your favorites. It means a lot to me. Hope you'll like this new chapter and don't forget to leave a comment :D Xx. Shino87**

%%%

 **Nessie/Charlie**

 **Freshmen year, Forks high**

"What are you up to, little grass hopper?" Jake messed my hair as he sat beside me in the school library

"Stop calling me, this" I glared "I'm working on this assignment, Mr Porter gave us"

I found the theme quite interesting and I really couldn't stop thinking about it. Jacob wasn't in my class, so he didn't have this assignment.

"What's it about?" he rests his forearms on the table and lies his head on them. His amber eyes are sparkling with interest.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" I sigh

"Easy" he answers right away

I stare at him with curiosity "Is it? Mind to share"

He sends me one of his dazzling smiles and my heart starts jumping with excitement "You want to be a doctor, right" I nod, although he knows it perfectly well "In five years, you'll be in med school, studying nonstop to keep your grades up"

I rest my head on my forearm mirroring his posture "And you?"

"I'll get a scholarship and study mechanical engineering in Northwestern" he grabs my hand and gives it a gentle pull "It's less than an hour away from the University of Chicago"

I lift my head "The University of Chicago is one of the most prestigious schools in the world, Jake"

"I know, they'll be lucky to have you" he winks at me

I shake my head with a smile "How long have you been thinking about it, Jake?"

"Quite some time. Until I came up with this perfect plan"

My heart flutters with the idea that Jake has been looking for a way for us to remain together even in college. Maybe, it's time to tell him how I feel. But, before the words leave my mouth, another freshmen interrupts us to ask Jake something, when actually she's just flirting with him.

 **Present days**

The last couple weeks were the happiest I've ever been in a long time. Jacob and I would spend every second of his free time together. He took me on dates every night after he'd drop home to refresh and make sure his dad is alright. I love how caring and devoted he is to his family.

The morning after that first date that ended with me stroking his cock, I woke up with Jake's head between my legs and I can't even start to describe how hot and good it felt, when a loud moan escaped my lips he lifted his face with a huge grin "Thought I'd return the favor" he purred with a wink.

We've been fooling around every night, but we haven't had sex yet, mostly because Jake always stops before we get to the best part. I have no idea why he's taking it slow. I know he wants me just as much as I do him and it's not like I'm a virgin and he knows it damn well. Besides, I'm more than ready and willing. I want him so much that he's all I can think about when we're not together.

My relationship with my mom is back to what it was. We've had a long emotional talk and I apologized for pouring all my anger on her, but I haven't returned home because it's easier for Jake to sneak into my bedroom at my grandfather's place.

Candace returned from her trip, few days ago. She explained how she needed space to think. We've been hanging out a lot since her return and although I still don't know the details surrounding her rape, she's more open than she used be. Kelcey and I have acted like nothing had changed and that she was still the same Candace as before, but deep down, I know we both feel more protective of her now.

"Alright, what's the big news you want to share?" Kelcey sits across form us at Dela's.

Candace asked us to meet for lunch, because she's got some announcement to make

"Alright" she glances between Kelcey and me, after she takes a deep breath "I'm done with accountancy…I've finally convinced my parents"

"Oh my God, it's fantastic. So, what did you pick instead?" Kelcey asks, then frowns "You picked something else, right"

Candace rolls her eyes "Sure, I did. I opted for…"

Kelcey shushes her and closes her eyes deep in thought "Let me guess…mmmm….something science and research related"

"You have a good career ahead of you as a psychic" Candace laughs

All the time I remain silent; soon we'll have to go back to school. For some reason, I forgot about my life after break, then again, all good things come to an end. The reminder hits me like lightning in the heart. In no time, I'll go back to being away from Candace, Kelcey and Sean. God, I'll miss them.

Then, there's Jake. My first love, my last love and my only love. I know for a fact now, that I can never love anyone but him. It was sealed and decided when I first set eyes on him. He's become my oxygen, my beating heart…my constellation, my moon, my sun.

My everything

But there's this fear that's constantly crawling in my skin. Jacob Black has the power to crash me harder than anything. There's this feeling that keeps nagging at me. What if he hurts me again? Or rather, when he hurts me again?

Candace snaps her fingers before my eyes, bringing me back to reality "You haven't heard a word, have you?"

I bite my lip "Sorry"

She shakes her head "Really, Jacob should let you have more sleep, at night"

I blush at the insinuation "What! No, we haven't…I mean not yet"

Kelcey's eyes look like they're about to pop out of their sockets "Not yet! You've been dating for a good two weeks now. What are you waiting for? It's not like you are still virgin, as a matter of fact, he's the one you gave your little flower to"

"Little flower!" Candace says with disgust

I laugh at Candace's horrified expression

"Well, he wants to wait" I shake a shoulder

Both Candace and Kelcey stare at me, eyes filled with surprise "Are we still speaking of Jacob Black? The guy who's slept with more girls than I can count" Kelcey states

I glare at both my friends "I don't need to be reminded of that and yeah, it's that same guy"

Kelcey scrutinizes my face few more seconds then shakes her head "You're stronger than any of us, mortals" she jokes "I mean, I could never sleep in the same bed as a sex god like him and not be naughty"

I put my head in my hands "I hate this whole ""taking it slow"" idea"

Candace taps me on the shoulder to comfort me

I'm beyond frustrated. My boyfriend is literally the hottest guy I've ever seen. Alright, so maybe I'm not totally impartial here, but, it doesn't change the fact that for me he is incomparable and that's without saying how much I'm crazy in love with him. I want…no, I need more than kissing and touching. I need to feel him inside of me. I want us to be one, each one of us the extension of the other. I want us in a way that we don't even know when my body ends and when his starts.

I'm not talking about having sex. I'm talking about making love.

"Ok, today is not about me. It's about you, Candace" I smile at my friend, deflecting the conversation from me and trying to get my mind away from my boyfriend…God, I love calling him that. OK…ok…I'll stop "Which school?"

"Well, during those few days when I was absent, I went actually school hunting" she laughs at the term "I visited few schools which offer interesting biology programs…"

I cut her off "Northwestern has a great Biotechnology program, Candace. You should give it a look" I can't hide how hopeful I am

"Yeah, Landon sent me this pamphlet and it has this…" Candace doesn't have the time to finish her answer and for good reason.

"Landon?" Kelcey questions her with a raised eyebrow

Candace blushes and looks away "Please, don't make a mountain out of a rock. It's really not what you think. He texted me to ask how I was doing, I told him I was transferring to a new school, when he asked which I said I didn't know yet. We talked about what I like, then sent me this pamphlet and voila. Nothing worth your Ahhh and Ohhhhs"

Kelcey waves her hand in the air "Please, let me fantasize about a possible Landace romance"

"Landace?" Candace squeals

"That's the name I came up with for you and Mr Gorgeous" Kelcey bats her lashes "I'm totally shipping you"

I'm laughing so hard that tears are stinging in the corners of my eyes, earning Kelcey's attention "I'll think of something for you and Mr Sexy" she winks

"Please do" I say between giggles

Candace looks between Kels and me, face red with anger "You can't be this delusional, girls. I barely tolerate him, let alone being in a relationship with him"

"It's fine, you can just bang him, then" Kelcey turns serious all of a sudden "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

Kelcey is horrified by what she has just said. We've become scared to bring up Candace's sex life (nonexistent one) into our conversations. We're more cautious about this topic. It's a sort of censorship, I guess.

Candace rolls her eyes "Ok, girls. You should really stop this crap. With my …past, it's not very easy for me to talk about my sexual life, but, from the moment I shared my secret with you, it was like some of the burden was lifted from my shoulders…So, please, don't try to be any different around me just because of what happened to me" she turns her attention on Kelcey "I love your quirkiness and your kinkiness Kels" she laughs and it somehow lightens the mood

It's really not easy to think of her independently of her past. None of us can ever imagine what it was like for her. All those years, living with such a horrible secret. After she told us about the rape, Kelcey and I have read books and blogs on the matter, in order to understand her better and help her the best we can. I guess, now, I get better her obsession with being strong, both emotionally and physically. I remember how she used to tell me kick boxing made her feel potent, capable of handling anyone who would try to hurt her. Back then I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Back to our other topic. School" I smile "Have you made up your mind yet?" please say you picked Northwestern, I pray internally. We would be in the same city

"I applied for few of the programs that picked my interest and I got a letter from Northwestern this morning" her face is devoid of any expression

"And?" I prompt

She shrugs her shoulders "And…you know…they couldn't possibly say no to the awesome…"

I take her in bear hug before she has the chance to finish. I can barely contain my excitement.

Kelcey reaches for Candace's hand, a sad smile playing on her lips "I'm happy, babe, but I'll really, really miss you"

Candace sighs "I'll miss you too, Kels, but I promise to be in touch every day" Candace carries on "The only issue is that it's too late for me to get a room on campus"

"You could stay in my parents' house in hyde park. With a car, it's only 45 minutes away from NW. The house is too big for one person only, but if we move in there together, it would be great" Who has never dreamed of living with their best friend?

"It's quite far, but at this point, I can't refuse free accommodations" she smiles at me

If we weren't in a public place, I'd be dancing and singing, right now. Happy doesn't cover half of how I feel

"I've got to go" I say as I check my watch "See you, girls" I kiss them both before getting a lunch box I ordered earlier and heading outside

Jake tends to skip lunch when he's busy working

By the time I make it to the garage, my heart is hammering against my chest in anticipation. I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling this turmoil of emotions whenever I'm about to see him. Will I ever get used to having him all to myself? I decide that it's not likely to happen, when I walk into him in the middle of work.

He has his back to me, bending under the hood of a blue ford. He's wearing a white undershirt that hugs his perfectly defined, tanned muscles and I want nothing but to explore every inch of his skin…with my tongue, must I add.

"Hey sexy" my mouth finally resumes working

He chuckles before turning his amber eyes on me "You think I'm sexy?" he wipes his hands in the small towel that clung to his jeans pocket

"Who doesn't?" I try to calm the butterflies inside of me

He lies against the car hood and folds his arms over his chest "I don't care what others think. Your opinion is the only one that matters"

I know his lips are moving right now, I mean I am watching them do so, but my brain is not registering anything he's saying, because I need my boyfriend's mouth on me, more that I need air…I'm being overly dramatic, I know. But, it feels a lot like addiction, right now

Jacob clears his throat "You shouldn't stare at me like that, babe. It makes me want to fuck you caveman style" I notice his eyes are whiskey liquid, now

I take a step towards him "What's stopping you?"

His hands grip the hood so hard, his knuckles turn white "You shouldn't want to be fucked, Nessie. You should be made love to"

I take another step in his direction, closing the distance between us "Maybe I'm into rough bestial sex"

"Are you?" he lifts an eyebrow. I swear the temperature in the room is supernova

"I don't know. I just want you inside me" I stroke his jaw

He groans "Fuck"

The next thing I know, we're kissing vigorously. I bite his lower lip, his tongue assaults my mouth. His hands fly to my waist and he presses me against his hardness. I can feel how much he desires me. Since that day I took him in my hand, I couldn't stop fantasying about the many ways I could have him inside of me.

We pull away, both gasping for air. Never breaking eye contact

"Are you hungry? I brought you lunch" I lift the bag in my hand

His eyes are full of lust "I'm very hungry" the way he says those words makes me ache in places I shouldn't. I'm very aware of his hands grabbing my waist, or the way he's nuzzling my ear now, murmuring softly how beautiful he thinks I am.

A strong noise breaks us apart "Oh, there you are, Jakey" comes Billy's voice. His words are sloppy and he stumbles on words "Little Nessie, nice of you to come visit us"

The smell of alcohol is so strong that my eyes start to water "Good morning, Mr Black"

Jacob's body turns stiff as his father wheels toward us, bottle of hard liquor in hand

"Want some, kiddo?" he gestures to the bottle

"Errr…No, thanks" I say quickly

Jacob straightens, annoyance written all over his face "Dad, you…"

Billy cuts him off "Look at that, so you do know I'm your father and not the other way around" he barely manages to say those words and it's really difficult to understand him at times

Jacob's annoyed expression turns into pure fury "What's that supposed to mean?"

His father glares at him with hatred, something I've never seen in Billy's soft eyes "It means, don't fucking interfere in my life, Kid" he points his finger at Jake "Don't you ever threaten my friends, to keep me away from drinking"

"I'm doing you a favor. You have a serious problem" Jacob flares and right now, I want to be anywhere but here

"I have it under control" Billy spits vehemently "I'm not an addict"

"If so, then why are you already drunk before noon…every fucking day?"

Billy is stunned for a second, but he recovers quickly "Show some respect when you speak to me. I'm your father"

"Then it's time you start acting like one" anger is radiating from Jake's body in palpable waves

The air in the room thickens. After these last words, it's like the world has come to a stop. Billy's eyes are filled with heartbreaking hurt and Jacob holds his stare.

My heart is beating so fast, I'm surprised it's still in my chest. I'm just standing there, helpless.

"I should get going" I say to nobody in particular

"No, stay. I'm the one leaving" Billy cuts me off and rolls out of sight

His sad voice didn't escape my notice.

"Jacob" I start turning towards him, but I'm crashed when I see devastation replace his anger

Saying those words to Billy must have hurt him as much as they hurt his father, but I guess, he was simply stating the obvious.

"Thanks for dropping by" he goes back to the car he was working on earlier "I'll see you later"

"Jacob, don't push me away" I plead

"I'm not" his back is to me

I walk towards him and stroke his back and he stops whatever he was doing "Promise to never give up on me, Nessie"

My heart contracts at his words "Why are…"

"Just promise" he says between gritted teeth

"I promise, Jacob" I say in a barely audible voice, afraid to crack

Jacob turns immediately and holds me tightly "I need you, baby"

And I love you, Jacob. But I don't say those words out loud

%%%

A/N: Hope you liked it. Leave a comment to share your opinion. I need some encouraging words to motivate my muse :D Xx. Shino87


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank you for reading, commenting, following and adding to your favorites. You guys are the best. Enjoy this new chap…Oh, and reviews are always welcome :D**

Chapter 27 :

 **Jacob**

It was my parents' twenty third anniversary

They were standing in the middle of the kitchen, ready to leave. My father was holding my mother in an embrace and kissing her with obvious passion and adoration.

"Errrg…hasn't anybody told you that doing PDA in front of your kids is gross?" I groaned, although, inwardly I was happy my parents were still in love after all those years.

My mom rested her cheek on my father's chest with a huge grin, while he spoke "Look who's talking! The boy who can't go a day without seeing or talking to his girlfriend"

I rolled my eyes "Nessie is not my girlfriend"

My mom chuckled "Your guessing we were referring to her just proves how wrong you are"

They kept alluding (not so subtly) to my relationship with Nessie as being more than friendship, which if I'm being honest with myself wasn't, but whenever I tried to ask her on a date, she thought it was one of those "friends dates" we always had and I could never muster the courage to correct her. I was being a coward

My mom walked to me and planted a big wet kiss on my cheek "Mom" I whined wiping my cheek

"What now? I can't even kiss my baby goodnight?" My mom complained with her hands on her hips

It irritated me whenever she called me her baby. I sure as hell didn't feel or look like a baby anymore "Stop calling me this"

"Son, you'll always be our baby" my dad shrugged, before turning his attention on my mom "Our reservation is for 8pm. We should leave now"

"Oh right. Behave kids. We'll be back by eleven" She grabbed her clutch and checked her reflection in the mirror one last time. It was also the last time I saw this long shiny dark hair. This olive skin. Those beautiful almond eyes and that bright smile.

That was the last time I saw my mom alive and my dad walking on both legs

I remember how I went to sleep a little after 10pm because I had school the next day. I remember how I woke up around 2 am to the doorbell. I remember how my heart started racing in my chest because I knew something bad happened. I remember how Rebecca passed out on the floor. I remember how hard Rachel was screaming while Sheriff Swan tried to calm her down and I remember how my legs couldn't carry me anymore and I let myself fall on the floor.

No…No…No…this wasn't happening

%%%

After that argument with my dad, guilt was running in my system like blood in my veins. He's my father and he's sick. We're past the time when I could blame him for this problem, now he needs medical attention, yet I can't bring myself to accept the idea of sending him away. My fucked up mind would see it as betrayal or simply giving up on the one person who places my happiness before his.

I'm not justifying his bad decisions, but the day of the accident, Billy Black lost way more than any of us. The love of his life comes on top of the list, followed by his legs and so much more. We tend to take life for granted, but in a split second, your whole existence can change dramatically.

You leave a restaurant later that planned, you take a shortcut home, you're met with a drunk driver and next time you open your eyes, you are a widow and disabled.

Of course, since that dispute with my father, I've done my damndest to avoid him and he did just the same. Whenever we bumped into each other, a simple nod would do, our eyes never met.

"Jake?" Nessie whispers beside me.

We were both lying down on my couch. Her back pressed to my chest while I held her tightly. We settled for a movie night. My father decided to go spend few days with my sister Rebecca and her family. I guess it was just an excuse to stay away, however, I still think it's a good thing seeing how Rebecca was disappointed with him after his behavior when she gave birth to my adorable niece, Sara Jane.

"Hmmm?"

Nessie runs a hand delicately in my hair, getting my full attention. Her beautiful eyes stare back at me with concern "You alright? You spaced out for a moment"

I relish to her touch and snuggle closer to her in order to breathe in her smell, which helps me feel instantly relaxed. Nessie is my home "Yeah, I'm fine"

She pulls away just enough to scrutinize my face "Want to talk about what's on your mind?"

For a split second, I consider brushing it off. Telling her I'm ok and there's nothing bothering me, but it would be a lie "My dad…the accident…my mom" I sigh "I feel terrible for what I've told him the other day. I was upset and I hurt him with those words…He's a good man and a good father…I don't want him to believe I think otherwise…I fucking screwed up"

She places a chaste kiss on my lips "Tell him how you feel when he's back. I'm sure he'll understand. You and your sisters are his world"

She's right, but having her remind me how much my father loves his kids makes me feel even worse

I brush my nose against hers "I'll do just that. Thanks, babe"

She throws one of her legs around my hip, while her hand strokes my hair soothingly. I can feel every inch of her body pressed against my own "I like it when you call me babe"

"Oh yeah! How about when I call you gorgeous?" I bite her lower lip and she moans, sending vibrations in my body

"That too" her hand disappears under the hem of my shirt and she starts caressing my abs "Did I tell you how much I like your body?" she says in a sultry voice that goes straight to my groin

"No" my voice is husky. God I want her and from the moment I told her we should wait before we had sex again, she's made it her mission to torture me

Evil girl. My evil girl

"Well, I do. I like it very very much" she pushes me flat on my back and straddles me "Remove your shirt"

"Nessie" I protest gently, despite my arousal

She ignores me and starts to tuck at the hem of my shirt "I said, shirt off"

I do as she orders and her eyes turn instantly darker. She traces with her fingers the tribal tattoos on my chest, then the ones I have on my ribs "I've always wanted to see them closer" she confesses with a barely audible voice "Tell me about them"

I place my hand on the tribal tattoo on my pectoral "This represents strength and courage. I got it sometime after my mom's death"

Nessie bends and draws the tattoo with her tongue getting me as hard as a rock "You are both" she plants small kisses on my chest "How about those?" she kisses the quotes tattooed on my ribs

"This one is in ancient Quileute idiom. It means immortal"

She skims over the calligraphy "There's a star beside it"

I nod "Yeah, it represents my mom"

She kisses it tenderly "I love it"

My heart hammers against my chest as she approaches one particular tattoo

"This one?" she presses her finger on it and I know there's no escaping it

My beats very fast as I proceed to recite the words, gauging her reaction "Duo latera, eiusdem monete…It's latin. It means…"

"Two sides of the same coin" she states in a haze, her eyes still roaming over the tattoo "When did you get it?" her beautiful face is so expressive. I can easily decipher the curiosity and hope in her eyes.

"After prom night" I was drunk and furious. I hurt her and I hated myself for the way I treated her. I was sure she'd never so much as look my way. I wasn't ready for a life without her, even when we were ignoring each other, I could still see her, but shortly after prom night, Nessie left and I was desperate. I got that tattoo as a way to always keep her with me, somehow.

Nessie's face goes livid "But, you hated me"

Her words feel like a stab in the heart. These are the consequences of my actions, I think to myself. Maybe if I didn't go astray, being a total asshole most my high school years, she'd know how far I was from hating her. Quite the opposite, actually.

"I never hated you, Nessie" I brush a strand of hair away from her face "Even when I wanted to"

Tears sting in the corners of her eyes "Why did you want to hate me, Jake?"

"Because you were…you still are, my weakness" the moment those words leave my mouth, I feel like shit "I'm so sorry for what I did to you, baby"

She considers me for few more seconds "Why did you leave right after we had sex?" I knew she would ask me this question sooner or later

"My father was admitted to a hospital. He had too much to drink and was hit by a car after he left the bar…He was in a really bad shape and spent few days in the hospital…I tried to reach you, but you had changed your number and when I called your house, your mom said you went to Europe with your aunt Alice"

Nessie is stunned "My mom never said you called home"

"I asked her not to" I admit

"Why?" her voice is a mere whisper laced with so much pain

"What good could it do? What could it change?" I shrug

I thought she was better off without me. My future was uncertain and didn't want her to carry my burdens with me, however, I was never able to suppress my feelings for her, no matter how hard I tried. Nobody compared to her.

"Everything, Jake" she cries "When I left for college, I spent months crying over you and other months hating you because I thought you used me and you played with my feelings…I've resented you"

"You were right to resent me, Ness. I did put you through hell in high school" I don't want her to feel guilty, when I'm the one to blame really

Nessie hesitates briefly before asking another question "Did you beat up Patrick? Kelcey said she met him about a week after prom night and he was covered with bruises"

I might have beaten the shit out of him, few days after prom night. I hated the guy. He had the nerve to ask her out, knowing perfectly well I put a claim on her, then abandoning her (sure I ordered him to, but …) when he tried to have sex with her right before I emerged in that room. So, fuck me, but I wasn't going to let him go away with it.

I grab Nessie's hips and switch positions, allowing me now to hover over her "How about we stop rummaging through the past and concentrate on the present?" I kiss her in that spot behind her ear that always sends her on hives "I think you should remove your shirt, so that we're even"

"We're not done, Jake" she scolds "And I'm wearing a dress"

I chuckle against her throat "Even better, easier access"

"Oh, yeah! What happened to waiting?" she grins

I slip my hand under her dress and caress my way to her breasts "I'm not fucking you, just yet"

She moans as soon as I twirl my fingers around one of her nipples "Overly sensitive, are you?" I tease

Her hand travels down my body, sending goosebumps on my skin. A loud groan escapes my lips as she grabs my hard cock "No more than you are"

I guess two can play this game

%%%

"Do I really need to wear a tie?" I ask Nessie "Your whole family has known me for ages"

Nessie's parents' invited us for dinner. I guess it will be an opportunity for her father and uncle to threaten my balls if I ever hurt the baby of the family. Her uncle Emett is scary enough, without me having him on my back.

"That's the first time you're accompanying me as my boyfriend. Besides, I'm the one who wants to see you with a tie" she presses a kiss on my lips "How do I look?" she swirls around

"Breath taking" I say honestly. She's wearing a champagne cocktail dress and golden sandals. Her beautiful curls are held in a low ponytail. God. She's gorgeous

As soon as we make it to Nessie's house, I start feeling stressed. Everybody's here. Her parents of course, her grandparents, Esmee and Carlisle, Charlie and Sue and her uncle Emmet and his wife Rosalie.

Nessie explained on the way that Alice and her fiancé are still in South America

"Jacob, it's so good to see you" Esmee takes me in a big hug "Look at you, you've become such a handsome man" she smiles tenderly at me

"Thanks Mrs Cullen. It's a pleasure seeing you too" I smile back at her. She's such a nice woman and age has done nothing to her beauty.

I'm greeted by the rest of the family and it feels like no time has passed since I last came here. Nessie is sitting next to me, holding my hand under the dinner table. It's taking all my restraint to refrain from kissing her every two seconds. Besides, Emmet looks even bulkier than I remember, so I'd better not cross him.

They ask me about Northwestern, about my projects and it really feels like an interrogation when it's Nessie's father speaking to me. I can feel his hard eyes on me all the time, but they're not in any way mean. He's just worried about his daughter, which I understand.

"So, Jacob, what are your intentions about my daughter?" he asks out of the blue, sending me instantly on alert

"Eduard!" Nessie's mom comes to my rescue

"What? I did make my intentions clear about you and we got married right after high school" he hisses, like it should justify his question

Sheriff Swan clears his throat "Well, I regret not asking you that same question back then, at least, I would have prohibited my daughter from seeing you ever again"

Eduard looks agape and I fight a laugh, but his glare convinces me not to

Sheriff Swan carries on "You know Eduard, Jacob reminds a lot of you" he pretends to think about it while scratching his chin

"How so, Sir?" Eduard exclaims with interest

"Well, sneaking through a bedroom window, when you think everybody's asleep, for instance" he says nonchalantly

Eduard narrows his eyes on me like he's seconds away from ripping my throat. I feel the heat rising to my face as I realize the rest of the family is staring at us like we're the clowns supposed to entertain the guests.

This couldn't go any better, I think sarcastically to myself

Luckily, the rest of the evening is quite uneventful, despite the threatening glares I got from Nessie's father every now and then. When the night comes to an end, I can finally exhale in relief. My balls are safe…for now.

"Well, it wasn't so bad" Nessie states while walking me to my car with our hands intertwined. Funny how I've gone so long without so much as staring her way, yet now that we patched things up, I can't seem to keep my hands away from her. I need her physical contact as much as I need my next intake of oxygen.

I try to hide how much I'm affected by her spending the night at her parents' house, tonight. It's going to be lonely without her, but her family misses her as well and I'd better learn to share her with her family and stop behaving like a love sick teenager whenever she's away.

"I'm going to miss you, tonight" I kiss her on the lips

She kisses me harder, her hands gripping tightly my hair "So, will I...but, I'll see you tomorrow"

I kiss the tip of her nose, not quite ready to leave her side "I'll be counting the hours, until I see you next" I joke, well aware of the fact that we're just stretching our goodnight kiss. Does she know how much she affects me? That whenever she enters a room, all I can see is her. Than whenever I hear her voice, my heart skips a beat. That sometimes when she calls my name I pretend I didn't hear her just to savor the sound of it in her lips.

She laughs "Ow! My boyfriend is being cheesy…well then, I'll be counting the minutes until I kiss you next"

I chuckle against her lips "I'll be counting the seconds until I voice out my dirty thoughts to your ears"

She inhales loudly, her amused expression is replaced by longing "You know there's this thing called sexting?"

I arch an eyebrow "Renesmee Charlie Cullen, you are a naughty girl" I trail wet kisses on her neck before biting a sensitive spot behind her ear which causes her to jump in my arms.

"Jacob, you are seriously testing my patience" A very pissed Eduard Cullen glares at us from the house porch.

Nessie and I break reluctantly our kiss.

So many thoughts are flooding my mind on the way back home. I'm worried about my father's addiction affecting my life. I'm worried about dropping school. Giving up on my dreams and ultimately losing the one person who's showed me happiness again.

Nessie

%%%

 **A/N: Anybody wants to know the title of "Landace's" book? And guess what! They even have a theme song _**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28 :

 **Nessie/Charlie**

It is said that some souls meet before they enter their respective bodies. I believe my soul was in love with Jacob's before we were even born. I think our souls promised to find each other on earth. Their love was so strong that they knew they would meet again and they would still be in love when they finally reconnect.

My love for Jacob Black has always been something beyond my control. Too strong and deeply rooted in every cell of my body.

But sometimes, love is not enough

When I was sixteen years old, Jacob Black lost his mother…and I lost him.

It all started the day of his mother's funeral when he stood motionless in front of his mother's coffin while she was being buried. His face was hard and so much pain radiated from him in palpable waves of anguish. I didn't know it was possible to feel someone else's heartbreak until that very day. My heart cracked a little more every time I looked into his deep amber eyes. The more he held his tears, the more I cried for him.

His hand didn't close on mine as I reached for him. His stare didn't turn my way as I cried his name and his arms didn't embrace me as I hugged him tightly.

That boy standing before me was not my Jake. It was a living body with a dead heart

The following days, he wouldn't answer my calls and he refused to see me whenever I knocked on his door. The more I tried to get to him, the more he pulled away.

My texts remained unread. My emails unanswered and my pleas ignored

We were no longer two sides of the same coin.

To my greatest regret, Jacob Black didn't stop there. He pushed me away full force and made sure to hurt me in the process.

"Jacob, please talk to me…please don't do that" I cornered him a couple weeks after his mother's death when he was at his locker. It was my only chance to have a conversation with him. The tears flooding my face didn't shake him for a second, while I fell deeper in the precipice of the magma of pain he pushed me to, the moment he turned his glazed eyes on me. No, this was definitely not my Jake

He would never look at me with so much irritation. Like I was the reason behind all his sadness. Like I was the one responsible for his misfortune. Like he couldn't stand to be in the same room as me.

He gritted his teeth and his jaw twitched "Stop, now" he snapped, visibly losing patience "You're making a scene"

Why? What did I possibly do to earn this behavior?

"Fine" I finally said when he started to leave. The moment he heard my voice, his back went rigid, then he turned slowly his attention on me "Fine, I'm not going to bother you anymore" I wiped slowly the tears from my face, trying desperately to ignore all the curious eyes around us.

Jacob hit the locker behind me and caged me between his arms, bringing my eyes up to his beautiful face "You are already giving up?" I see a flicker of hurt in his amber gaze

His eyes looked like a pool of gold. So bright, so shiny, so mesmerizing

"Isn't that what you wanted?" I countered with more bite than I intended

I will never forget that last time our eyes met, that last time our souls loved each other, that last time our hearts held each other, that last time our breaths mingled.

Because what I saw was more than I could take. It was resignation, hatred and disgust and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body. My lungs were being squeezed and every single bone in my body was broken.

Jacob had just returned in shreds the heart that I gladly offered him a long time again

He shattered me

 **Present days**

"Are you finally going to tell me where you're taking me?" I shift in the passenger seat of Jake's truck, very curious about this surprise weekend trip. I'm really excited about having my boyfriend all to myself the whole weekend. My heart jumps every few seconds to remind me my eagerness.

We've been driving for more than two hours and all I see is a long empty road filled with trees on both sides.

"Downtown Seattle, you won't be disappointed" he shrugs, giving me an it's-a-secret sexy smile.

I roll my eyes "I gathered that much, thanks" I glance once again his way. His dark hair is slightly longer now and he pushes the locks that fall on his face every now and then. His whiskey eyes shine with excitement and mischief, his tanned skin is a perfect contrast with the white shirt he's wearing. Every muscle in his toned body is perfectly defined. God, if I didn't know it would probably cost us both our lives, I'd jump on his lap and show him just how much I love every parcel of him.

Jacob chuckles "Do you like what you see?"

"Very much" and some. Honestly, I won't survive another day without finally having him inside me. I wonder how we managed to go so long without sex. He'd better not be planning a sexless weekend. I am so going to hurt him if he does.

I might sound extremely horny, which I definitely am and who can blame me, really? My boyfriend is the sexiest male on the surface of the planet, but making love with Jake is not about sex itself (Ok, part of it is) it's about being one for a moment. I want to feel it again, the unique sentiment of each body being the extension of the other. I want the need, the desire and the desperation to translate into physical actions.

I'm so consumed by my emotions and thoughts that I hardly notice that Jake has stopped the car and is lying against his seat with his eyes shut.

"Please, tell me it's not here" There's nothing but trees, trees and again trees around us. Don't get me wrong, I would go anywhere with Jake and if he wants us to go camping, it's totally fine with me. Hell, I'd go to Asgard and confront Loki if it means being with Jake. But I was kind of wishing for a romantic getaway.

Jacob turns his head towards me and my heart does a backflip. Lust is dripping from his eyes "Come here" he extends his hand and I take it before he has time to reconsider. I straddle his lap and start to adjust in front of him, but he spins me around so that my back is against his chest and I'm overwhelmed by the heat radiating from him.

His breath caresses my neck as he speaks "You make me lose my mind when you stare are me with those hungry eyes, baby" he trails kisses down my neck, my collarbone, my shoulder while his hand makes its way under the hem of my shirt to cup my breasts.

He lifts his hips a little and slams my ass against him "Do you feel how much you affect me?"

"Yes" I whimper as I grind against his massive appendage. I don't care that we are in a car in the middle of the road or that someone might walk on us and see us, at any moment. All I want is to feel all of him.

My senses are on overdrive

Every touch, every kiss, every sound is duplicated by how exposed we are. Am I into public sex? It's hard to say, because at this point, I want Jake so much that I don't give a shit about where or when he takes me, as long as he does.

His other hand disappears under my panty and I lose myself to the raw sensation of his fingers in my folds. I close my eyes and keep on grinding my backside against his erection, loving our mixed sounds of pleasure.

"I love how wet you are for me" his husky voice excites me even more "Do you like it when I touch you like that?"

"Mmmmm" is all I manage to say as his fingers dive in my core while his other hand molds my breast

Jacob stops abruptly and bites lightly my ear "Excuse me? I'm afraid I didn't hear you say yes"

Seriously! This is the worst time to tease someone and right now, I'm too busy trying to breathe to form a coherent sentence. I'm pissed and frustrated at the same time.

"Jake" I plead, forcing his fingers to move inside me and moving against his lap, but he won't budge

"Nessie" he deadpans in response

"Jake…please" I'm almost crying out of need and desire. I'm aching for him to touch me again. My heart is beating so fast that I can hear it pound in my ears.

Jacob chuckles against my neck "Please what, baby?"

"Please fuck me with those fingers" I groan

Satisfied with my answer, Jake resumes where he stopped and turns my head so that our lips connect. It doesn't take long before I finally reach bliss. I feel dazed and my vision is blurred. I don't want to move from Jake's lap. Can I live on my boyfriend's lap? We could be like Siamese…I'm highly seduced by the idea of being glued to his body.

I'm still floating on a cloud of happiness, when he reaches for the box of tissues and wipes between my thighs. Then lifts me gently off him and settles me back on my seat, before climbing out "I'll be back in a sec" he pecks my lips

Just as my breathing becomes less hectic again, Jake is back "Where did you go?"

He positions himself behind the steering wheel and starts the car again "Didn't want to come in my jeans" he winks, before bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it tenderly "Feeling better?" the cockiness of his statement is unmistakable

God, I love him.

Those three words are fighting against my mouth to spill out of it and reach him. They are pushing against my gates of restraint and I can tell it won't take long before they run out of my lips seeking the confines of his heart.

I feel a sudden rush of panic curse through my veins. The first and last time I confessed my love to him, he didn't say them back. What if he doesn't return my feelings? For years I thought he loved me, then he turned his back on me. What if it's no different, now? What if what I see in his eyes is not love, but the reflection of my own hope?

"Nessie, babe? You alright?" he squeezes my hand and stares at me briefly with concern

I try to calm my worries and enjoy the present, rather than think about an uncertain future. I should savor every second spent with him, as I don't know how much it would last and when it's over, the crush would be harder, but this time I'm ready "Yeah" I clear my throat "That should suffice…until we reach our destination" I grin, hoping he can't see my internal battle and my anticipated grief.

I guess I wasn't that convincing, because all Jacob does is give me a tight smile and return his attention on the road. Shortly after, we jerk the car to a stop in front of a beautiful lake surrounded by pine trees and a big wooden edifice with the label "Attkins Lodge and Spa". It's almost sunset and the beauty of the place is enhanced by the orangey color of the sky. We hop out of the vehicle and I inhale deeply the wonderful smell of nature. Jacob carries the bags in one hand and holds me with the other.

When we enter the lodge, a beautiful blond is standing behind the reception desk. The tag on her dark blue blazer indicates her name is Sandra.

"Hi, we have a reservation under Black" Jake tells the desk attendant who's completely oblivious to me standing right beside him while she ogles him shamelessly. She keeps glancing between the computer screen and my boyfriend, spiking my irritation.

Note to self: buy Jake a baseball cap and big sunglasses

She twirls a piece of hair between her fingers and smiles seductively "It's room 213…George will accompany you. The buffet dinner is in twenty minutes, and the restaurant a la carte is open until ten thirty. Call me if you need anything…anything"

I snatch from her hand the key and the brochures she's handing Jake, beyond pissed by her rudeness and promiscuity "Thanks, but we'll be fine" my tone is aggressive but I don't give a damn. If she's smart, she won't try again or God help me I'll hurt her very bad.

Jacob doesn't take his eyes off me the whole time. I can tell the debacle with the bitch at the desk amused him. The moment George sets our luggage and leaves our room, Jake pushes me hard against the door and kisses me hungrily, I return the kiss with as much force. He takes my lower lip between his teeth, earning a throaty sound. His tongue dives in my mouth searching for mine and the moment they collide, the incident with Sandra is long forgotten.

"You're so sexy when you're jealous" he breathes against my lips. His eyes blazing with desire

"What? I wasn't jealous" I state walking away from him and taking in the beautiful room. There's a floor to ceiling mirror on my right that's actually a walk in closet. A sliding glass door leads to the balcony with a view on the lake and trees, a big flat Tv hanging on the wall across the bed, but I don't think we'll have time to use it. There's a door to what I assume is a bathroom, then my eyes land finally on the queen size bed in the middle of the room decorated with flower petals. I bite my lip in anticipation

Jacob's arms go around my waist from behind "Dinner first" his teeth graze my neck, setting me on fire. Not that I need much to feel aroused around him "And you were definitely jealous" he chuckles against my ear before heading to the bathroom "Want to go first?"

"How about we go together?" having shower sex with Jake is totally on my list of fantasies. Then again, any type of sex with him is a fantasy of mine.

He runs a hand in his hair, contemplating the idea with a smile "If we go in there together, I can guarantee you there won't be much cleaning, babe" His eyes drop to my thighs when I squeeze them together "Fuck, I'll go first"

I remove the dress and stilettos I brought in my bag and the matching underwear set I got from Aubade. The bra is made of black lace and the bikini panty has a satin bow in the back. Yeah, I totally plan on torturing my boyfriend, tonight.

The moment Jacob steps out of the shower, my mouth dries. He's in nothing but a white towel hanging very low on his hips. God, I don't know if I'll ever get used to so much beauty and sexiness. I swallow hard "I'll be fast" I say as I pass him. It's only after I finish cleaning all traces of the orgasm Jake gave me in the car, that I realize my panty is missing. Shit, I must have dropped it on the floor.

"Umm…Jake" I call from the bathroom

"Yeah?"

"I think I dropped my…umm…panty on the floor, could you bring it to me please?" I say shyly. Few minutes ago, I was throwing myself at him and now I'm all embarrassed about him seeing my panty. Get a grip Nessie. He'll see you naked by the end of the night.

I hear him shuffle in the room, then make his way to me "Are you wearing this to the restaurant?" he lifts the piece of black fabric in one finger

"Yeah, is it a problem?" I take it from him

"Fuck, yeah. I won't be able to think about anything other than ripping it with my teeth"

Yeah, he has just turned me on…for the millionth time since this trip started. I should set an appointment with a doctor, there's something wrong with my hormones.

"Let's get over with it now, then" I suggest leaning my hip against the door frame. My towel is all I'm wearing. I'm praying I have the same effect on him, as he does me.

He shakes his head with a smile "I'm a gentleman, baby. I feed you before I fuck you"

He laughs at my pouting lips

"I'll wait for you downstairs. You can have the room to yourself, to get ready" he pecks my lips and only now do I realize he's wearing black slacks and a white button down shirt. He looks stunning.

"Thanks, I'll be quick" I smile

When I'm finally ready, I check my reflection one last time, hoping he'll like what he sees. My black sleeveless pencil dress is hugging perfectly my body and I'm glad I picked it because the low cut cleavage is very sexy. My hair looks even longer after I straightened it. (Thanks Candace for forcing me to take a flat iron) I opted for a bronze eyeshadow and nude lipstick and my legs look infinite paired with these red stilettos my aunt Alice bought me from Milan.

I spray some perfume, although I've already bathed myself in body lotion.

I text Candace quickly

 **Me: wish me luck 4 2nite**

 **Candace: Get ready 4 the ride of your life, babe ;) I put Advil in your bag, just in case**

My best friend's text calms my nerves somewhat. I take a deep breath and open the door. Jacob is waiting for me here, not downstairs like he said. The moment he lifts his head and our eyes lock, I know our souls never fell out of love.

We are connected in a way nobody but us can understand

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A/N: So that was it for today, hope you liked it. OK, readers, make some noise so that I know that you still enjoy this story...please? pretty please? :D


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: This chapter has sexual content, if you are under 18 or simply dislike graphic sex, please don't read. For the rest of you, hope you'll like it**

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 **Jake**

Just like the different stages of grief, there are numerous levels of pain. You can be sad, hurt, crushed, devastated or wrecked and in some unfortunate circumstances, you experience all those emotions at once, then every heartbeat hurts, every breath you take requires more effort than you thought possible, every step you make proves more difficult than the previous one.

You wake up in the morning wondering how you're going to make it through the day

With every smile comes a pang of guilt within your chest, with every moment of happiness comes your disappointment with yourself and that's when you realize that you can't live when you only try to survive.

You build walls around your heart, hoping it would prevent it from feeling pain ever again. You're anesthetized, because it's the only way, you believe, will keep the suffering from cutting your flesh and stomping on your bones.

And before you know it, you forget how to be happy

And honestly can you blame me for that? I was sixteen when my mother was killed and my father became an embittered man who chose alcohol as the remedy to his problems.

I was wrong to throw all my anger onto the one steady person in my life and I was disgusted with myself each time I hurt her purposefully. I knew how much it pained her to see me with other girls and I flirted right under her nose, but what she ignored is that I carried with me every sad expression on her face, like a damn reminder of my mistakes.

Some fucked up part of me thought that I wasn't worthy of her, that she deserved better, that I could never offer her the perfect life (I thought) she wanted and it fueled me to push her even harder.

If only I could wipe away this part of my life

If only I realized back then that nobody could ever replace Nessie Cullen…Because I fell hard for her the first time our eyes locked

Now, she's standing before me in sinful high red heels and a black dress that is going to be the death of me, leaving her insanely long legs bare and in full display. God, how am I even going to make it through dinner?

After I finish drinking her in, my eyes finally meet hers. To those vivid hazel eyes in which I saw my future a long time ago.

She chews on her lip nervously "So? What do you think?" she swirls around

How can she even ask this question? Isn't it obvious in the way I'm gazing at her?

For fuck's sake, I'm not even able to tear my eyes away from her. She's gorgeous. She's always been the only and most beautiful woman in my eyes. No-one could ever compare to her and it's not only about her incredible looks, but also about her extremely kind heart.

"Exquisite" I finally say as I offer her my arm through which she hooks hers

She grins, clearly pleased by my words and I can't help the pride that curses through my veins for being the reason she seems so happy.

"I'm sorry it took me so long. Hope we won't be late for dinner" she looks at me apologetically. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear to be able to enjoy the beauty of her face.

"We have a reservation. It's fine"

She gives me a quizzical stare "But the receptionist said the buffet…"

I shake my head before she has time to finish her sentence "We're having dinner at the restaurant à la carte"

We're finally having a weekend all to ourselves and I certainly plan on making the best of it. I'm not the type to do things in halves. It's either all or nothing. My mom raised me to treat girls like princesses and my girl is a queen.

As we reach the restaurant, a waiter leads us to our table and hands us the menus, suggesting their best specialties. Nessie's eyes go wide the moment she opens the menu and I know exactly what she's thinking about. The prices

She knows damn well I'm not going to let her pay a cent and I can almost watch the internal battle that's going inside her head. Geez, I hate it that she has to worry about money when we're together.

"I'm having the Mediterranean salad" she smiles at the waiter as she hands him back the menu

"Alright, miss. How about the main dish?"

She waves a dismissive hand at him "Oh, no. I'm not really hungry"

"Could you give us more time to decide" I tell the waiter never taking my eyes off Nessie

He looks back and forth, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. Probably feeling my irritation "Sure, I'll be back later" he scurries away

"Nessie, I can afford it" I scowl the moment he's out of sight

Yes, I'm not loaded, quite the opposite actually. It's my damn reality. If I didn't get a scholarship, I would probably be working in my father's garage full time. I don't own a fancy car and almost never go to expensive places, it's a fact. But, I'm not a lazy bastard who spends his days on the couch moping about his misfortune. I work my ass off all year around and thanks fuck; I have enough savings to afford the extra expenses.

"Yeah, of course you do. It's just that I don't really feel like eating much" she reaches for my hand on the table and gives it a reassuring squeeze but I don't buy it. My girlfriend eats like a growing teenage boy, yeah, that much.

"Nessie, baby" I intertwine our fingers "I want this night to be special, so please let me pamper you"

She opens and shuts her mouth several times, before she finally drops her shoulders in surrender and scans the menu. She ends up ordering a filet mignon and crème brulée for dessert and I settle for a steak and apple pie.

The rest of the evening passes by so fast that we're both surprised to realize we're the last customers in the restaurant and most chairs are already placed on the tables. I put my hand on the small of Nessie's back as I guide her back to our room in silence. My heart is racing in my chest, anticipating what's to come and I suspect that's the reason why none of us has spoken a word until I opened the door for her and flicked on the light.

"Thanks for tonight" Nessie bites her lower lip while her eyes roam over my face and all the restraint I mustered until now vanishes in a split second as I cup her face with my hands and kiss her fiercely and desperately, when she parts her lips allowing my tongue to take over I let myself get drunk in her sweet taste. Her hands fly to my forearms to steady herself and I know she's just as lost as I am, completely swallowed by our combined emotions. The kiss intensifies and transforms into a battle, each one of us fighting for dominance. I groan loudly when she grips my hair with her right hand while her teeth graze my lower lip.

"Nessie" I gasp

She takes a step back, leaving me cold and empty. Her hands fly to the back of her dress as I hear the zipper, her eyes never leaving mine. She lets her dress fall to the floor and she stands in nothing but a matching bra and panties, a sight that gets me even harder than I already was.

My mouth feels dry all of a sudden.

She's so fucking gorgeous

She reaches for her shoes, but I stop her from taking them off "No, babe. These" I gesture to the red heels I've been fantasizing about since I saw her walk out this room "They stay"

She grins seductively "Alright. Now, how about you undress for me"

That's definitely a side of Nessie, I never thought possible. She's so shy and polite all the time, I guess I didn't expect her to be bossy and pull out orders, but holy shit, I'm not complaining. She's getting my whole skin blazed with desire.

"If I must" I unbutton slowly my shirt and her eyes turn instantly darker. God, I won't last long if she keeps gazing at me this way. Get a grip, dude, I instruct myself. This is not our first time together, but I want tonight to be perfect and I want to show her how much she means.

I unfasten quickly my belt and let my pants drop, burning under the intensity of her eyes. I take few steps, closing the gap between us and crush my lips on hers, massaging her tongue with mine. I lift her in my arms and place her delicately on the bed.

"You're so beautiful" I whisper as I start trailing kisses down her neck, collarbone and throat. I reach behind her back to unclasp her bra and bring my lips to her perky nipple, while my other hand molds her second breast, enjoying the sounds of delight she makes. My mouth leaves her chest only to resume kissing every inch of her body, until I reach her sexy as fuck panty. I bite the side of her hip bone and take the panty between my teeth "Remember how I promised to rip this thing?"

Nessie moans a yes that goes straight to my groin

I tug at the fabric and the panty gives away without much strength "Jacob" Nessie screams my name. I push her thighs apart, exposing her completely. The moment my tongue dives in her folds; she says a trail of incoherent words. I alternate fingering her and kissing her until she reaches her release loudly. I kiss my way back up and kiss her mouth fiercely, letting her taste herself in my lips.

Her hands stroke my back as I lie between her legs, kissing her and showing her how much I want her. She gasps as I grind against her "It's unfair that I'm completely naked while you get to keep your boxer briefs" she pouts adorably and I fail to point out she still has her shoes on.

I chuckle, ignoring my painful erection "If I get rid of them, I'll dive inside you way too fast" I bring back my fingers to her clit and start massaging it

She whimpers happily "Please, Jacob"

"Please what?" I tease her, knowing damn well she hates it when I prolong it

"Please fuck me" she moans

I want nothing more that to finally feel her, I've been waiting about it for longer than one can think. Before I first slept with her and after I got a taste of her and became like a junky in need of his next dose and it took a year for this moment to happen again. However, I need to ask her a question, before, no matter how much I dread the answer.

"How long has it been, babe?" I feel fear crawling on my skin. I'm afraid to hear her answer. I know I shouldn't expect her to stay celibate until I got my shit together, but still, sometimes it's better to ignore some things.

Nessie frowns, clearly confused by my question "What are you talking about?"

I sigh "Sorry baby, it's a personal question and I swear I'm not prying or anything, but if it has been a long time, it might hurt a little"

She looks surprised and it only makes me feel like shit. She clears her throat after a second and chews on her lip nervously "Umm…the last time was…about a year ago…with you"

I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat before it started jumping up and down. I'm not sure what to do with this. I'm ecstatic, I know I shouldn't be, but shit the girl that holds my heart captive since first grade has only slept with one guy and I happen to be the lucky bastard, so fuck me, I'm in heaven.

My lips find hers, while I reach for the condom I had left in the nightstand earlier. We break our kiss only so I can remove my boxers. I can't help the smile that creeps my face when her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open as she peers at my dick. I rip the condom foil and slip it on.

"You ready?" I ask

Her hand strokes my cheek tenderly "Been ready for years, Jake" and that's all the permission I need, as I adjust between her legs and slip inside her slowly, gauging her facial expression to make sure I'm not hurting her, but it's hurting me in the process. God, she's so tight, I never want to get out of her.

"You ok?"

Her hands fly to my arse and she pushes me inside her "I'm not made of porcelain Jake" and I finish all the way in with a chuckle, she's damn bossy in bed, but I don't start moving right away, giving us both the time to adjust, me to her tightness and her to my big size. Her eyes are closed and her teeth bite her lip.

"Jake" she pushes her hips upward

I gather as much restraint as I can in order not to fuck her too fast and start moving slowly inside her. We're being so loud that I really hope the walls are thick enough for our neighbors not to hear us.

"Faster" she orders

My fingers fly to her clit while I pump faster inside her "Come with me, baby" and it's all it take for her to fall apart and I join her shortly after. I kiss her one last time before I fall on the bed, beside her, panting and covered in our mixed sweat.

I push a strand of hair that sticks to her forehead and admire her face. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swelled and her eyes are barely open. She looks fucking gorgeous and I can feel myself hardening again. She smiles dreamily at me "Let's do it again"

I laugh so hard, making Nessie look at me questioningly "Did I say something funny?" she hops on her elbow to stare at me

"Sorry, babe. It's just that…you're so cute" I kiss her hard on the lips. With her hand on my neck she brings me down with her, so that now my face is hovering over her

"Did you like it?" she asks nervously "Because for me, it was…wow, I have no words to describe how good you feel"

"I loved it" I kiss her nose, then her lips "I love you" I whisper, finally able to say what I've kept hidden in the confines of my heart for way too long. I finally set free those three words, imprisoned in the dungeon of my body. The moment I say them, it feels like a burden was lifted from my shoulders.

Tears sting immediately in her eyes "I love you"

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A/N: Yes, you read it, he said the L word :D But, the story is not over yet, there are still things that need to be dealt with. Thanks for your encouraging reviews. I really started to believe nobody was enjoying the story, anymore.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Guess who's making an appearance in this chapter :D**

 **By the way, do you have a special cast in your mind? If so, please share, I'd love to know who you picked :D**

 **%%%**

Chapter 30 :

 **Nessie/Charlie**

Sometimes, life is kind enough to let you live your dreams with your eyes wide open. You're high from the perfection of the moment. Drunk from its beauty. For a moment, you're allowed to experience every touch and every kiss with much more intensity than you normally would. The sound of every whisper and every whimper is magnified. The velocity of your heartbeats is accelerated.

You swim in an ocean of happiness…then drown in the magma that's underneath once you wake up…Because a dream is all it was.

"Jake, he'll be fine" I reach for his hand on the console while his eyes are glued to the road, his knuckles gripping the steering wheel so hard that they turned white. His whole body is shaking and he hasn't said a word the whole drive back home.

It was still dark outside when the ringtone of my phone woke us up; apparently Jake's phone was switched off, so that's why my grandfather called me asking for my boyfriend, getting me immediately alert. Nobody calls you this early, unless it's something bad. And I was right, because bad it was.

Jake's father attempted suicide.

When we finally reach the hospital where he was admitted, I find my parents and grandparents along with Rebecca and Tim in the waiting room, sharing the same expression of sorrow and distress. I could feel the terror scratching my skin and shaking my bones.

As soon as they see us, Rebecca runs to Jacob and hugs him tightly, while she cries hard against his chest "He's still in surgery" she manages between hiccups

My grandfather explains that Billy gulped a tablet of sleeping pills along with a glass of scotch. It's Sue who found him in the morning, after Rachel asked her to check on him, because he wasn't answering the phone and she was worried about him. He was convulsing and barely breathing. It was a miracle that he wasn't dead.

Doctors come and go from the surgery room and the clock ticks slower than usual. Jacob is still mute and I'm hopeless, unable to find something to say or do to diminish his visible pain.

A surgeon finally walks towards us, still in his blue scrubs with blood stains here and there. He introduces himself as Doctor Ramirez, before finally telling us what we've been eagerly waiting to hear for the past hours "He's in reanimation. His condition is stable, but it's all we can say for now. We did what we could, the rest is all him. You should go home, it might take a while before he wakes up"

Doctor Ramirez leaves right after that

My undivided attention stayed on Jake the whole time, never wavering, never tempted to look at anybody but him. As I take his hand in my own, I'm struck by a devastating feeling of déjà vu.

He is standing motionless, expressionless and soulless. A dead heart inside a living body. Just like when he lost his mother and I'm seized by this way too familiar terror that planted its roots deep inside me, years ago.

I'm losing Jacob once again

The realization cuts so deep, that I want to curl on my bed and close myself to the world. My brain warned my heart so many times, but I've come to the conclusion that heart can be a stubborn organ that only follows the path it chooses. I'm the victim of my stubborn heart.

When I gave Jake another chance, I told myself I was ready for him to crush me, what I failed to understand was that despite how ready you are, it doesn't reduce an ounce of the liquid magma you drown in. You hurt the same, whether you're prepared or not.

During the following days, Jacob only leaves his father's side to go get a shower and change his clothes. Billy woke up after the third day of his admission to the hospital. I was visiting every day. I would like to say that my intentions were noble and I went there to check on my boyfriend's father, but the truth is I was more preoccupied by Jake than by his father.

His eyes were filled with remorse and guilt. I could tell he was blaming himself for what happened. But it was just a guess, because Jacob didn't speak to me. He barely acknowledged me, too busy feeding his tormented soul. At least he answered my calls and my texts, no matter how brief he was, it still gave me a flicker of hope I could grasp while waiting for him.

"Hey" I sit in front of Landon and Candace at Beca's doughnut house. Jake's best friend came back to Forks after I texted him to let him know what happened. He came the very next day and Jake's reaction when he saw him told me it was the right thing to do.

Candace reaches for my hand and squeezes it "How are you holding up?" of course she knows I'm a wreck. She's my best friend, she knows me better than I know myself and she was there to witness the change in my demeanor.

I shrug. Not a clue as to what I should answer

"You need some rest, Charlie" Landon breathes softly, with visible worry. During the past few days, he's been as much there for me as for Jake, becoming an additional pillar in my life. God, I miss Jake. Even saying his name hurts. Candace squeezes my hand harder and that's when I taste the salty taste of my own tears in my mouth.

I'm wearing my misery like a winter coat.

Love is not always pretty. Love hurts and breaks…and takes time to heal

I burry my face in my hands and cry some more. I don't care that I'm in a public place. I don't care that people around me are watching me curiously…Because right night, all I care about is my poor shattered heart.

Landon's voice is laced with sadness as he speaks "Give him time, Charlie. It's been only few days, he'll come back to you"

"No" I shake my head repeatedly, floods of tear blurring my vision "You don't know anything, Landon. It's just like before…Just like when his mother died…"

My reaction might sound selfish and puerile, but what I've been through when Jacob abandoned me back in high school is something I don't want to ever experience again. We both experienced the loss of someone we loved at the same time, except that in his case, he didn't have to endure the sight of this very person every day and pretend like they never were soul mates. He didn't have to be treated like the scum of the universe by the person he loved. I'm in no way saying my loss was bigger than his, I'm just saying that I know the crushing feeling of loss and it hurts like hell.

This is exactly how it all started and I'm scared to know how it ends

"Shhhh…Calm down" Candace is by my side, drawing soothingly circles on my back while whispering in my ear "Inhale, exhale" she says continuously and I try to do as she says. My lungs are burning and I don't have enough oxygen. I hear my best friend murmur the words "panic attack".

That night, when I went back home, for the first time since my senior year, I sat at the grand black piano in the living room, opening delicately the cover. My fingers grazed the keyboard in greeting, like I always did. I got that exhilarating feeling that only a piano gave me, then my fingers started to move on their own, while I kept my eyes shut as the lyrics to "Hurts like hell" by Fleurie made their way out my lips.

 _{How can I say this without breaking_

 _How can I say this without taking over_

 _How can I put it down into words_

 _When it's almost too much for my soul alone_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _And it hurts like hell_

 _Yeah it hurts like hell_

 _I don't want them to know the secrets_

 _I don't want them to know the way I loved you_

 _I don't think they'd understand it, no_

 _I don't think they would accept me, no_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _I loved and I loved and I lost you_

 _And it hurts like hell_

 _Yeah it hurts like hell}_

I kept going to the hospital every day to check on both Billy and Jake. My boyfriend was still cold, but he didn't totally ignore me, contrary to what I expected. He showed gratitude whenever I dropped by to bring him lunch or dinner. He was always polite when I called him and he always texted back, but he treated me like he did everybody else. I wasn't his special someone anymore. I wasn't the girl he said "I love you" to less than a couple weeks ago. I wasn't the girl he waited to make love to until he showed her it meant more than sex.

Few days later, Billy Black was discharged, but surprisingly, he didn't go back to his house. Jake's father finally decided, not without his family's support, to finally go to rehab. After the examinations the doctors did when he was in the hospital, they discovered that his lever was damaged and suggested he takes drastic measures and changes his bad habits if he didn't want to suffer severe health problems. His daughters and their respective husbands opened his eyes on the seriousness of his addiction, leading to his acceptance of the situation.

A day after Billy left for rehab, my mom knocked at my bedroom door ready to deliver the last blow. Her sad eyes betrayed her before she had time to say a word. She handed me a white envelope with my name written on the back. I knew that handwriting like the back of my hand. My chest contracted and my heart started a crazy race. I couldn't move or speak, without breaking and screaming in agony, so my mother put it on my desk and said "He dropped it few minutes ago" then left, making sure to close the door behind her.

I stayed immobile for God knows how long, then finally mustered the courage to walk to my desk and open the envelope. It was a letter. What a weird way to say goodbye, I thought to myself.

 _My dear Nessie,_

 _You probably wonder why a letter. Well, let me clarify then. The reason is simple; I didn't have the courage to say what I want to tell you to your face. I could have sent you an email, but it's too impersonal and I know that the romantic inside you would like a letter much more, although I doubt you'll like what this letter says._

 _I'm still dealing with my mother's death after all these years. I don't think the pain caused by the loss of someone you love ever fades, you only learn to live with it. I've learnt to live with the agonizing feeling of not having a mother anymore. Then, few days ago, I've had to learn to live without a father either. Of course, unlike my mom, my dad is still alive, but these past days I thought I lost him for good._

 _Forgive me for the pain I've put you through and for the one I'm about to inflict on you. Forgive me for being a coward who only deals with his emotions by pushing away the ones he loves. Forgive me for breaking my promise and breaking you heart._

 _But, please, allow me to remind you of a promise of your own: Don't give up on me_

 _All I need is time and I know I have no right to ask you to wait for me, but, I know that nobody will ever take your place in my heart._

 _I love you. Always have. Always will_

 _Jake_

My mom must have called Candace as soon as she gave me the letter, sensing a bad omen, because only few minutes after I finish reading the letter for the eleventh time, my best friend emerges in my room and lies on my bed beside me, taking me in her arms as I pour what's left of my tears.

Jake went back to Chicago, although Landon wasn't too happy about his decision, he left as well to keep an eye on him.

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 **A/N: Not much left to "Hate to love you" and for those of you who are eager to read Candace and Landon's story, it will be titled "Scared to love you", I'll start working on it as soon as I finish HTL :-)**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Fast update :-) Seeing how angry the previous chapter made you, I thought it would be best to post a new one fast. Don't be mad at Jake. Losing someone you love is never easy and sometimes people deal with pain in the worst possible ways, destructing their happiness in the process.**

Chapter 31 :

 **Jacob**

Guilt is like a virus that propagates inside your body, contaminates your blood and eats your skin. You feel it on every inch of your body and in the essence of your burning soul and soon it becomes part of your existence, tormenting your soul and eating big chunks of your sanity.

Blaming myself for my father's weakness is in no way a solution, but like a disease, guilt doesn't ask for permission before it submerges your whole being. He tried to kill himself and all I can think about is that it was all by my fault. I pushed him towards the open arms of death.

The last time I talked to him before the incident, I accused him of being a bad paternal figure. Poured all my frustration into him and expressed openly my disappointment in him, until I saw in his eyes the reflection of his already burnt heart turn into ashes.

Tentacles of shame and sadness engulf my body in an embrace. I failed my father. Because of me, he almost died and with that realization, I was my sixteen years old self again, the boy who lost his mother in a car accident and whose father became an alcoholic. All the hurt, the devastation and the resentment I felt back then returned to the surface, until I couldn't stand myself anymore.

I did it again. I messed up. I fucked up my relationship with the one person I love more than life itself. I know she doesn't see it that way, but I needed space from myself, not from her. It was getting dark inside me and I was scared to extinguish the light she brings into my life with my somber emotions.

She's my candle in the darkness and right now, I'm the wind that's more likely going to whistle on the wick.

I don't deal well with emotions. Everything is too intense with me whether it's love, hate, sadness or happiness…

My eyes are shut as I lie on my back, I can hear Landon scratch on his guitar from his bedroom. The melody helps me relax a bit, for a moment, I stop thinking and concentrate on the music. He's playing a guitar version of Perth by Bon Iver, but after few minutes only he stops abruptly and I hear him slam the door of his bedroom, within a second he flings my door open. I stare at him, waiting for what's to come. He hasn't spoken to me since we left Forks. He stares at me with a mix of disappointment and anger. He fists his hands, visible desire of punching emanating from his chest, it's almost like I can sense his restraint from doing so.

"Why?" he asks simply, still standing by the door

I run a hand in my hair out of frustration. I have no idea what to tell him. Why am I hurting Nessie and hurting myself in the process? Why don't I learn from my mistakes? Why do I push away the people I love when I'm at my lowest?

"Guilt" is all I manage to say

Landon shakes his head, his hard eyes drilling holes on my face "No, Jake. Why do you ruin any chance you have to be happy?" I gasp in surprise. This is the last thing I expected him to say. Is it what I'm trying to do? Am I really destroying my chances to be happy?

Deep down, I already know the answer. Yes, I do ruin any chance I have to be happy because I believe I shouldn't be happy and Nessie happens to be my greatest source of happiness. Just how fucked up is that? I think I'm more shocked by this revelation that I ever was from anything else.

What the hell!

It's like I've been trying to keep my misery intact because it's a familiar feeling I've learnt to live with. Being happy scares me. I think of it as an ephemeral feeling. Short lived.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I'm absolutely dumbfounded, but then I counter Landon's question with a question of my own. I'm too weak to be confrontational right now, but my interrogation has more bite to it than I intended "How about you Landon, why do you ruin any chance you have to be happy?" Unlike me, my best friend doesn't seem surprised by my question, the only emotion I see in his eyes is sorrow.

"You're afraid of happiness because it doesn't last and you think you don't deserve to be happy. Unlike you, I crave happiness, but what scares me is to not recognize it…because I don't remember if I ever was happy" my eyes drop to the floor, burning with sadness "Get your shit together, Jake. I don't want to be ashamed to call you my friend" with that, he grabs his car keys from the kitchen counter and leaves the house.

Guilt has a twin called Regret

It's been a couple days only since I was back to Chicago and it feels like I haven't seen or talked to Nessie in years. I'm back to feeling incomplete, like an important part of me is missing. I trace the tattoo on my rib _Duo latera, eiusdem monete_

After my conversation with Landon, I understood that space wasn't what I needed. I needed to accept happiness in my life, because losing my mother and having a sick father doesn't mean I must drown myself in grief. Grieving has an expiration date and if you exceed it, it's called depression.

Unconsciously, I was heading in that direction. Standing on the edge of a precipice

Nessie will never forgive me what I did to her and I don't expect her to. However, I can at least try to show her a glimpse of what was going in my mind this whole time, hoping she'd understand my motivations.

It's already dark outside, when I sit at my desk and start working on my apology

The next day, I storm in Landon's room very early in the morning and wake him up quite violently. I explain what I want to do and pray he accepts to help me. After I finish explaining my plan he finally sighs and accepts.

We decide to take the road. It takes us about two days to get back to Forks with a stop in South Dakota where we spend the night at Rachel's house. When we reach Forks it's the middle of the day. Landon brings his car to a stop in front of a house I would rather avoid

"Why are we here?"

Landon rolls his eyes "She's helping us" he gets out the car and I follow reluctantly. I mean honestly, if I care about my balls, I'd better run away from here as fast as my legs can go

As soon as she opens the door, Candace's tiny fist meets my face and God does it hurt. She keeps punching me on the chest and arms while my hands cover my face "For fuck's sake, Candace stop" I'm at a disadvantage, she knows perfectly well I can never lay a hand on a girl, so all I can do is try to block her throws, but the girl is damn good.

"Time off" Landon chuckles behind me "We agreed on few punches only, Little girl" he grips her hands and brings her back side against his chest while trying to control the little minx

Candace wiggles in Landon's arms trying to break free to beat me some more "The only reason I haven't cut your balls is because I don't want to go anywhere near them" she spits between gritted teeth and my best friend seems to find the whole situation hilarious

Once, Candace is at a safe distance from me, Landon's words register in my head "You did this on purpose" I accuse him

"It was a sine qua non condition for her to help" he wiggles his eyebrows, not looking the least apologetic

Candace sends Landon a dirty look "I didn't say I would, I said I'd consider the possibility and I have changed my mind…I'm not helping" she starts to leave, but Landon grabs her arm and brings her to him

"Hey, come here" he murmurs softly

"I'm not your damn pet, you don't get to order me around" she stomps her foot on the ground, clearly irritated and casting death glares my way

Landon grins "Yeah, right. Would you please come here and let me talk to you for a sec? Is that better?"

After few seconds of visual communication (I swear it feels like they read each other's minds), Candace sighs and mutters a "Go ahead"

"I know you're trying to protect your best friend and I'm here trying to help mine. If I wasn't sure he deserved one last shot, believe me I wouldn't be here. Charlie is as important to me as she is to you and both you and I know first hand that these two are miserable when apart"

Candace's eyes throw daggers at me "She'll get over it"

I don't say a word, because I deserve it. She has no idea what I've been through. She's only seeing things the way they are, not bothering to scratch the surface and see what's hidden underneath and honestly why would she?

In her eyes, I'm the bastard who broke her best friend's heart twice.

"Probably, but… " Landon points his finger at me while still watching Candace "He'll never get over her. Do you know what it feels like to lose a parent Candace?" Her eyes drop to the ground, clearly giving away her answer "Well, I do and believe me, it's not something you'd wish to even your worst enemy. We all deal differently with our emotions and Jake happens to be the type to close himself to the world when his reality becomes too hard to bear. Haven't you ever felt the need to be alone and away from the people closest to you, because it seemed vital?" Candace opens her mouth, but she doesn't produce a sound and all I see is a heartbreaking sadness in her eyes, reflected in my best friend's gaze

"You know it, right? This deep feeling when your bones shift in your skin and your heart bleeds" I'm surprised by the sound of my breaking voice, as the words fly out my lips. Candace turns her attention on me, but this time I don't see hatred or anger, all I see is pain and a flicker of understanding "I love her, Candace. Since first grade, when I saw her eyes holding my future"

The mental battle inside her head is palpable, it takes only few seconds but they feel like ages, before she finally nods once and takes a deep breath "Ok. Come on in?" she goes inside the house and we follow behind. With Landon's help, I explain my plan to Candace who nods and shows interest in what I'm saying. Once we're done, Landon and I go back home and wait…Because waiting is all that's left, aside from hope that she might give me an ultimate shot.

The chances for my plan to work are thin, but my intentions are not only to get the love of my life back. I want her to see herself through my eyes and only then, maybe will she get my motivations and understand better what was going in my mind all the time we spent apart.

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A/N: Still angry after this chapter? Don't forget to hit the comment section :D Reactions boost motivation and motivation helps inspiration (It rhymes :p)


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: This is the last chapter to Hate to Love you and it is directly followed by an Epilogue. Hope you'll like it.**

Chpater 31 :

 **Nessie/Charlie**

Life is like a thick journal where every single one of your experiences is recorded and every stain of dark ink on its pages represents one of those memories that will never be forgotten; first time you look at this cute boy sitting by the window, first smile that brightens your features when he finally notices you, first burst of happiness when you become the center of his life…and first heartbreak when he squeezes your heart in his hand and lets it fall to the ground in million ripped pieces, followed by the first tear you shed for that lost love. Suddenly, you decide that you can't ever trust someone, you convince yourself that it's impossible to love again.

It's been a week.

A week of pure agony. Seven days of torture. One hundred sixty eight hours of misery. Ten thousand eighty seconds of pain.

Jacob told me once that he was afraid to love because I was his biggest weakness, what I failed to tell him that day is that I hated loving him because he was mine.

The only comforting thing in my life right now is that I'll go back to school in two weeks and this time I'll be gone for good. Fortunately, school will swallow such a big chunk of my life that I won't even have a second to think and this is exactly what I need; to stop my brain from wandering in places it shouldn't.

There's no such thing as a third chance. I'm way past the "I'm sure he's got a good excuse" stage. Full me once; shame on you, full me twice; shame on me, full me thrice…never going to happen. So, it would be a waste of his time to show up again

That and my uncle Emmet promised to break his neck if he ever saw him in the perimeter, while my father swore to bury the dead body somewhere nobody would find him again. Yeah, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to resolve the mystery behind the constant pain that contorts the features of a girl with a seemingly perfect life.

"Hey" my best friend gratifies me with a beautiful smile as she throttles toward my bedroom window where I spend most my time thinking. The view on the garden is splendid and it helps me relax. I've been spending hours simply sitting here during the past few days, trying desperately to overcome my heartache.

How is it possible to be heartbroken twice by the same person? I can't help but blame myself for entrusting him with my heart once again, but, whenever I looked into his eyes, I saw the reflection of my own feelings. We can't feign loving someone, can we? His words seemed so earnest.

Candace sits beside me "Charlie, have you eaten anything?" she shakes her head disapprovingly as I turn my face away "This isn't healthy at all…anyway, we've already gone through this and it's not why I'm here today" I remain silent as she fishes for something in her messenger bag "Here" she hands me a white envelope and my heart hammers against my chest as I read my name on the back. I know that handwriting

Jacob's

Seeing my hesitation, Candace puts the envelope between us and stands up "I'll wait in the living room" I think my best friend added something after that but I was too dizzy to even listen, I kept staring at the immaculate piece of paper that was probably holding the answer to my questions, but my heart and brain were in war, screaming and yelling at each other.

As soon as I grazed the object of my discomfort with my index finger, a surge of pain ran through my body making me jump as far away from it as I could.

"It's ridiculous" I mutter to myself "It's just a letter"

How bad could it be if I read it?

Easy, it would be very bad because Jacob is my weakness. The instant I open this letter, I'll open a window to a possibility and there will be no going back. Do I want to? No…Yes…I have no idea. What is this letter about? Is he apologizing? Is he asking for a another chance? Is he justifying his actions?

It's driving me insane

After pacing more than a hundred times in my room, casting death glares to the envelope, I finally reach for it and rip it open, relishing in the feelings that this handwriting brings to the surface.

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _If you are reading this, it means that your curiosity won over and I'm glad it did. I know I'm the last person you want to hear of or talk to, thereof, I choose to write you another letter instead. This is, however, not my second letter, nor is it the last one. I can only imagine your quizzical expression, but you'll understand in a moment if you only decide to listen to me._

 _I am in no way justifying my actions through this letter. When I asked you for time, I wanted time away from me and not from you. When I lost my mother, I lost part of me. A big piece of my heart was lost forever. Losing someone you love changes you, sometimes for the worst. I built walls around my heart, forbidding it from ever feeling again, but how is it possible to stop my heart from acting like crazy whenever you are around, my Nessie?_

 _My heart loves you, but my brain is afraid of losing you_

 _The risk to lose my father brought back hurt and sadness to my life and I dived back in the past. I couldn't, however, deal with my dark thoughts and dragging you down with me. I didn't want to soil you with my shadowy self._

 _You are the light that feeds my soul and the oxygen that fills my lungs_

 _If you accept, I would like to give you a glimpse of what was in my head since the moment we met. No more, no less. I don't expect anything other than that._

 _Love,_

 _Jake_

I reread the letter at least ten times, trying desperately to read between the lines and decipher the unsaid. That's it? What am I supposed to do now? This feels incomplete. I shuffle to the living room, furious with myself for being so affected by his words, furious with the events that marked our lives, furious with my best friend for being part of this.

"What now?" I glare at Candace who's sitting on the couch and talking to my mom. She turns abruptly, the shock on her face undeniable "Now, we need to go somewhere" she says slowly recovering from her initial reaction to my rudeness.

"Then, let's go" I state firmly, not missing Candace's eyes traveling up and down my body to assess my outfit, that consists of pajama bottom and a white tank top. If she expected me to change into something more appropriate, she quickly understands I'm not. She grabs her car keys and leads us to her car.

We don't say a word the whole drive, until she stops in front of our primary school. I stare at Candace, wondering if maybe she got it wrong, but she maintains her face steady. My heart hammers against my chest as I step out of the car, unsure of where to go. My best friend waits for me in the car. I walk to the play ground, relinquishing in the best memories of my childhood spent here. A white envelope resting on a swing attracts my attention. I open it and start reading.

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _If you are reading this, it means that I passed the first test and I thank you from the bottom of my heart to give me the chance to share my most secret moments with you._

 _You must be wondering why I picked this place for this first stop. Well, let me explain then. This is where it all started. Do you believe in love at first sight, Nessie? I think I do. In his book Lolita, Vladimir Nobokov wrote "It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight" I think it summarizes accurately how I feel about you._

 _That day, when Howard Flyn pushed you on the ground and I came to your rescue was the first time my heart jumped in my chest in the presence of a girl. As I looked into your eyes, I drowned in them. I surfed on the rainbow colors cascading from them._

 _I never stopped loving you from that day_

A single drop falls from the ice protecting my heart, but it's far from enough to melt it. I walk back to the car and nod at Candace, not needing words to explain that I'm ready for our next stop.

Candace's house

The envelope is attached to the Sequoia tree that I love so much. I sit on the swing and start reading.

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _I suppose you guessed the reason why I picked this place. This is where we shared our very first kiss. I replayed that moment in my head countless times, reveling in the memory. That day, you offered me the most beautiful present I could wish for, you offered me hope that we could be more than just friends._

 _There's a tattoo of a Sequoia tree on my back that you didn't ask me about. I got it few years after our first kiss, as a memory of that beautiful moment we shared._

 _Love,_

 _Jacob_

The ice around my heart cracks a little, but it's not enough to free my heart. I walk back to Candace's car, ready for my next stop.

The graveyard

On his mother's grave, sits another immaculate envelope

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _My mother was the first person to give a name to the feelings I had for you. She was the first one that encouraged me to share them with you and now that I think about it, I'm so sorry I didn't listen to her sooner._

 _My mom was the one to suggest a letter. So, in third grade, I wrote you my first love letter, but alas, I never gathered the courage to give it to you._

 _When my mom died, part of me died as well and I started regarding happiness as this ephemeral feeling, so I pushed you away, because I knew no other way to deal with my misery, except make sure to fall deeper in the abyss._

 _I used to sit behind a tree and watch you talk to my mother's grave. I could never hear what you said to her, but I imagined all kinds of conversations you could have with her. I simply sat there shedding tears of hurt from losing my mother…tears of shame for what I did to you._

 _Love,_

 _Jake_

A single tear, falls down my right eye and I hear another crack of ice, but it's not enough to free my heart. I get in the car, ready for my next stop.

Kelcey's place

I knock lightly on the door, wondering if it's what I'm supposed to do. When Kelcey flings the door open, she looks like she was waiting for me "Follow me" she says with a small smile. I follow her upstairs, down the hall. She opens the door to the guest room and leaves.

Memories of prom night flood my mind, my first time…my first time with Jake, in this very room. Emotions jumble inside of me. I sit on the bad and grab the envelope on the night stand. Weirdly, it feels heavy.

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _The reason I left you here on prom night was because my father was in a serious accident. It was one of those dark moments in my life, to which I grew accustomed. What you ignore, though, is that I came back for you that night, hoping to find you still there, although, I knew it wasn't likely to happen._

 _When I entered the room, you were nowhere to be seen. Most kids had already left the party, I sat on the floor, holding my face in my hands. Pain scratching my skin with the events of the night. This is when I noticed your pendant on the floor. I never got the chance to return it and I kept it like a lucky charm all this time._

 _Now, you can have it back_

 _Love,_

 _Jake_

I retrieve the pendant from the envelope, caressing the golden jewelry in my hand. I realized I lost it few weeks after prom night, when I finally overcame my zombie stage. With a sad smile, I walk out the house.

Next stop is Jake's place. Candace gives me a key and tells me to go directly to Jake's bedroom. His room is small and tidy. He put blue sheets on the bad and the lamp of his desk is switched on. I sit on the chair and open the white envelope. It has three words only

 _OPEN THE BOX_

There's a large wooden box on the desk with the initials JN. As I open it, I notice a large number of envelopes inside, some of them even have this yellowy color to them that comes with time. I take an envelope randomly

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _I slept with Carla, tonight. I always thought my first time would be with you, but, I've come to believe you don't see me that way or even love me that way. However, I feel terrible about it. The whole time, I wished it was you._

As soon as I finish this letter, I pick another one

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _My mom says that I love you, so I think we should get married. But, my mom says it's too soon to get married. I'm in third grade, I'm already a grown up…._

I can't help the smile that creeps my face at the memory, while I keep reading. Letter after letter

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _Funny how after all those years, I keep writing unsent letters. I guess for me, it's like keeping a journal, but in a less girly way. I got my first tattoo today, it represents my mom…._

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _My father got so drunk today that he spat on my face when I threw away his pack of beer. Terror ran down my spine as he did it. What's it going to be next? Hit me?..._

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _My mom died. I feel like drowning and dying. It hurts so much that I can barely breathe…_

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _I loved kissing you today, I can't wait to do it again. Would you like that?..._

I kept reading and reading until my eyes hurt and my vision got blurry, or was it because tears were streaking down my face. Slowly, the ice covering my heart melted and my heart hit the walls around it. I walk slowly back to Candace's car and slide in. She hands me the last letter.

 _Dear Nessie,_

 _That was the second to last stop. There's no other letter for you. Our next stop, depends on you and you only. If you understand now my motivations and see how deeply I love you, that means my mission was accomplished, but for the next stop, you'll have to forgive me and be ready to move forward with me._

 _I'll be waiting for you every night in my sanctuary until school starts and if by then you're still undecided I'll be waiting for you more, even if it takes years, then I'll wait years, because there will never be anyone but you._

 _Yours forever,_

 _Jake_

I take a deep breath as I consider his last words. I close my eyes and cuss under my breath "Take me to La Push". Candace nods and I think I hear a sigh of relief. Once we reach our destination, I walk in the direction of Jacob's secret spot. He's sitting on the sand, his back to me, eyes surfing on the waves. I admire his beautiful face under the dim light of the moon. Maybe I should have taken my time to make my decision, but I know that for me as well, there will never be anyone else.

As I resume walking, Jacob turns behind, probably hearing my footsteps. He jumps instantly to his feet to face me, while he shuffles shyly his hands in his shorts pockets.

 **Epilogue** :

This is our last free weekend before school starts again. So much happened this summer. So much has changed for me. I moved in with Jacob. Well, actually it's Landon's house, but I'm sharing Jake's bedroom, so technically I'm living with my boyfriend. Yeah, I decided to give him one last chance and he's spent every day since, proving me it was the right thing to do. The way he asked me to move in with him was so cute. He put a key in a small jewelry box and bent on his knee as he popped the question.

"Although I plan on asking you to marry me some day, this is only the key to the house" he grinned

My mom was ecstatic to hear about my reconciliation with Jake and she was very supportive of us living together. She's always had a soft spot for Jake.

"Oh, baby girl, I'm so glad for the two of you" she confessed after I proceeded to tell her about my plans "Besides, the idea of you and Candace living alone in that big house in Hyde Park had me worried"

The reaction of the rest of the family to the news was another story. My father being who he is, i.e overprotective and conservative, rejected the idea right away. No matter how much I pleaded, he ignored me "You'll move in with a man when he puts a ring to your finger" he'd said, it was thanks to my grandmother Esmee who also loved Jacob deeply, that my father surrendered "I am sure Jacob would have no objection marrying Renesmee, the question is are you ready to let her take such a major step?" She asked

My father's eyes widened as he coughed "Alright, alright, but I swear to God, Renesmee if I ever see you cry over him, I'll end his life"

Uncle Emett and aunt Rosalee were equally preoccupied, but they too understood how crazy we were about each other and they approved of our decision, although I believe uncle Emett had a "private conversation" with Jake, after which my boyfriend came back with a bleeding split lip. My uncle and my father bumped their fists together as I examined Jake's face.

The only surprise was Grandpa Charlie's reaction, who was really happy for us. He did give Jake a lecture though, on how to treat a woman properly. I guess Charlie felt the need to look after Jacob like his own son, especially now that his father is in rehab. Billy should be allowed to get visits in two months, meanwhile Jacob calls him once a week only, following the center's rules.

Landon's place is big enough to host ten people and I really love it here. The drive to UC is about forty five minutes, but I don't mind it. We have decided to look for a place of our own next year maybe. We'll see

With Jake's and Landon's help, we take the few boxes that were still in the middle of the living room. I go back downstairs to take the last box that has my favorite books inside, when the bell rings. Landon emerges from the stairs and I cast a look his way "You sure it's ok with you?" I ask

In a very short period of time, Landon has become an important part of my life. We share now a tight friendship and since I moved here, he's done nothing but making me feel home and I can tell he's happy to have us around.

"The more, the merrier" he grins as he finally opens the door to my best friend "Sorry, Sweety, we're not buying cookies today, but Mrs Rottenmeyer, who lives two blocks away would gladly take a box or two » he winks at Candace, as he pretends to close the door, but she shoves a foot inside to block it

I laugh at that, glad she's well enough to endure him. She texted me earlier to tell me she's in the middle of an allergy crisis. It happened as she went through her stack of dusty books.

Her eyes water and she sniffs probably about to sneeze, but Landon, misunderstanding her reaction panics and holds a hand in the air as to say –I'm here in peace- "Wow, are you going to cry?"

And that's it. She sneezes

"Sorry" she says say as she walks past him "I'm just allergic to jerks"

I run to her lifting the box from her hands and taking her in a big hug, after I put the box down. God, I'm so happy she's moving in as well. It's so much better for her to live here, it's way closer to her school, unlike me. Well, Jake suggested we go to my parents' house in Hyde Park during my exams. He said he was fine with the long drive to NW as long as I was happy.

"I don't mind you bringing your sexy girlfriends from UC for a sleepover, hell, I would even cheer if you do a pillow battle, but" he gestures to Candace with his beer bottle "The dwarf stays in the garden" he winks at her "No offense, sweety"

She shows him the bird "None taken, dipshit"

He actually laughs at her answer

The End

 **A/N: Time for the award winner speech :D Alright, so I'd like to thank all of you for supporting me by following or adding this story to your favorites. Special THANKS for those of you who always take the time to write a review, you have no idea how much your comments played a major part in the writing of this Fanfic.**

 **This is my first ever fanfic and this is the first book I've ever managed to finish. I would like to highlight the fact that it is as much of me as it is of you, because it's thanks to your faithful support and kind comments that gave me enough incentive to carry on.**

 **Thanks to you, I discovered the joy that fills a "writer" when they check his reader's reviews. The excitement that followed every new chapter, while waiting for your reactions was unique.**

 **Thanks again**

 **Sarah**


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